Why do I compare everyone to my bad relationship?

There's a possibility that it might be a defense mechanism. When someone is deeply hurt from a bad relationship, some walls might be put up in order to protect themselves from getting hurt again. Maybe there are still some wounds and hurts you harbor that have not been completely dealt with. It doesn't mean that you can't pursue healthy and functional relationships with others, but it could potentially make it difficult. If you can catch yourself in these moments and try to see these people outside of the lens of your bad relationship, you might be able to slowly break away from that comparison.

Relationships are based on trust. When that trust is broken, emotionally and mentally we are left with feelings of self-doubt, confusion, hurt, anger, and insecurities. We must deal with those feelings and truly understand what the “bad” was and what our role, if at all, was in the relationship. Often times we look toward ourselves as the cause of abuse or infidelity. This is common and wondering what you could’ve done differently to avoid the situation that caused the relationship to go bad. It’s not usually just a one sided thing, but never is there an excuse for bad treatment, abuse or infidelity. There are healthy was to deal with frustrations in a relationship and going down a toxic path is not one of them. Find help and support to learn ways of moving on and coping with the aftershock of what you’ve been left to feel. Heal yourself and love yourself first, then you’ll have a much easier time allowing another person into your life and trust will come naturally. Take care of you

Thank you for reaching out! You may compare everyone to your bad relationship because your focus is on your relationship and you want to improve it. Sometimes we lack in certain areas and we see everything from one small perspective. It’s easy to be critical of yourself and want elements of a relationship you feel you don’t have when you see those close to you talking about how happy they are with their significant other and what their significant other does for them. It may be vital to ask yourself what makes the relationships you aspire to follow so special compared to your existing relationship? Why do you not find your existing relationship with your significant other good? Sometimes we want our relationships to be replicas of relationships we believe are healthy because people close to us express how satisfied they are with their own relationship. Comparisons in relationships can encourage us or make us set an aim to fix our bad relationship which can be a potential factor stressing you. What makes a relationship healthy and unhealthy is something for you to explore. Everyone has their own ideas of what is healthy and unhealthy. Support organisations such as Relate and OneLoveFoundation provide support on relationship stress. You are welcome to communicate with any one of our amazing listeners on our site 1-1.

It is easy to compare everything to your past relationships. I find myself comparing people as a protection mechanism that I need to break. I think that since I have gone through many bad relationships, the rest of them will not be good as well. It is important to look at these relationships as individuals because you would not want someone to compare you to another person they had a poor experience with. Not every relationship will be the same and I realized to recognize that everyone is an individual but also learn from the red flags that have been placed out there showing me to move on or reanalyze.

Your bad relationship can really mess you up; It can distort your views on everyone and how you love them. Its a form of self preservation and precaution, its your mind being wary of everyone, so that you won't be hurt in the same way. A bad relationship can mess you up so badly that you start to involuntarily compare their traits to people in the present, to protect yourself. You start to see all their flaws in people in the present, even if they're not there. Its almost like a survival tactic.

It is not unusual for people to be cautious after certain incidents. I also used to compare my relationship with previous one that left me heartbroken for months. It is human nature to be cautious of something similar to what had scarred them. No one wants a repeat of what agony they had experienced earlier. Some even get so scared that they never attempt at the particular action again but it is great if there is only comparison with the previous experience. You don’t want to go through the same experience and are naturally on the look out for signs that your current relationship is heading the same path. There is nothing wrong with comparing to bad relationships, it just shouldn't affect you current relations.

hello, Thanks for reaching out. I see how this is in your mind . There are many reasons why you might be feeling this way. You might be feeling like you wished you have a better relationship, and are seeking out how other people are in their relationship. This is a normal feeling and you shouldn't feel bad. Have you talked to your partner about how you feel? telling somebody you trust might make you feel like you arent alone in the matter. Never less, it's better not to compare relationship to other people because their case might be diffrent from yours. I suggest talking to your partner and see what you can do

Often, we find ourselves making comparisons because we care about what other people think, or see something we want (even though we might not have known we wanted it before seeing it). Take a step back and reassess. Remember, not a single soul is exactly like you and, as such, no relationship is the same. Opening your heart to a new relationship can be challenging if you haven’t moved on from your past. It’s especially difficult if you have a special connection to your ex and you’ve been through a lot together. Therefore, it’s essential to go through all stages of moving on to ensure that you’re open to a new relationship. Alas, no matter how hard you may try, it’s easy to get stuck in the memories of your past – to glorify your former boyfriend, even though you didn’t work out as a couple. You may go on a few dates, you may meet a bunch of men online and you may still feel just as strongly about your ex-boyfriend, which makes it impossible to let any new man in.