Sexual attraction: What's the difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction?

360 Answers Moderated by Brooke Bowen, LPC Updated: Jan 16, 2023

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Anonymous on Jun 14, 2016

Me and my best friend have been friends for 3 years... and recently we have been spending a lot more time texting and seeing each other...  we have spent the night together twice which was great but he is not physically attractive to me but he is sweet... kind...  really cares for me and i feel like he knows everything about me and me him which makes me really trust him.  Can you spend the rest of your life with someone who u dont find them physically attractive? 

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Anonymous on Nov 27, 2014

Sexual attraction is typically defined as a pull or allure toward a specific person in which you wish to partake in sexual activities with them. It's looking at a person and having a feeling that makes you think "I'd like to have sex with them." 

Romantic attraction, on the other hand, is typically defined as a similar pull or allure toward a specific person, but instead of a sexual desire, it's a romantic desire. It's when you look at someone and have a feeling that makes you think "I'd like to do romantic things with them." What those romantic things entail depends on the person. For some, it may be dates, dinners, holding hands, and cuddling. Others may include kissing with that. Others may not like anything that involves touching. Whatever activities, thoughts, and feelings you think of when you consider what is "romantic," those are what you'd think about, feel toward, and want to do with someone you are romantically attracted to.

Erynn on Nov 29, 2014

Sexual attraction is having feelings of a sexual nature - you would like to have a sexual relation with this person - either in real life, or in fantasy.  Romantic attraction is having feelings of a romantic, but not sexual, nature.  It's perhaps wanting to kiss, cuddle, but maybe even less physical things like say I love you and go on dates and do the emotional-caring part of a relationship but not necessarily with the physical parts of a relationship.  Often, sexual attraction and romantic attraction happen at the same time, but not always.  Sometimes people are only sexually attracted to a person, or only romantically attracted.

EmeliaKate on Jul 25, 2015

People often speak of the two as if they're the same thing, or as if they always come together, but the reality is that they are two separate things. Romantic attraction is what we tend to think of as "love" - you feel a strong emotional connection to a person and want to spend time alone in their company. Sometimes it is accompanied by sexual attraction, which is where you want to engage in physical (sexual) contact with that person. Sexual attraction doesn't have to be accompanied by romantic attraction or visa versa. Some people feel both, or one, or neither. This video explains some of the different ways that human sexuality and identity can be divided into its distinct aspects: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXAoG8vAyzI

Sweetlolly11 on Jun 28, 2015

Sexual attraction comes first. You want to touch that person, feel their presence, kiss them and so on. Their body excites you, their looks attract you. Romantic attraction needs time - once you get to know the person, the way they say something, the look they have in their eye when they talk about their passion, and how all that makes you smile - now, that's romantic attraction :)

eternalBubbles87 on Nov 27, 2014

Romantic attraction is when you would like to develop a romantic relationship. A sexual attraction is when you want to develop a sexual relationship

Marto on Dec 4, 2014

Well, this is a very difficult answer. I'm sorry for the wall of text:

Romantic attraction can be completely platonic in nature. There can be no trace of sexuality in it. A gay guy can feel it for a straight girl. It can be anything from spiritual, intellectual, emotional. Of course it can encompass all of them, and also be sexual. But they are not necessarily inclusive, and they are not mutually exclusive.

At the same time, sexual attraction can be purely physical. It's my opionion, of course, but I don't believe they have to overlap. I believe someone can have a sexual relationship with somebody without that marring or hurting an emotional relationship they have with someone else. I don't believe it's cheating, as long as everything is talked about from the beginning and they go through the basic notions of what it's to be expected of each other.

Of course, if there isn't an explicit agreement, and you hide from your SO that you're having sexual relationships, even if you consider them to be meaningless, then it'd be wrong, it'd be cheating. I believe in honesty and full disclosure. Everything else is second to that.

GwenTG on Dec 21, 2014

Sexual orientation: Orientation of genders to which one experiences sexual (erotic) attraction usually expressed with sexual interactions, fantasy, lust, and stimulation.
Romantic orientation: Orientations of genders to which one experiences romantic (love) attraction expressed by interpersonal bonding, relationship-building, and emotion.

LifeWithoutYouIsNewToo on Aug 1, 2015

Sexual attraction is just when you are interested in somebodys body, or the touch/feel of their body. Romantic is when you're together you seem like nothing else is real, and when you're alone you want them so badly it drives you mad

Itsacrazylifewelive on Jul 15, 2015

Romantic attraction is the deep intimate feeling that you really like this person for their soul, spirit, heart and mind. This is the attraction that has you thinking about the person for hours and all the time practically. The one that gives you butterflies. While sexual attraction, is that tingly feeling you get in your lower regions when you think of them and the fact that you can't stop thinking of their body in a sexual manner.