My daughter is struggling with her sexual identity. Any advice on how to support her?
50 Answers
Moderated by Sarah Robb, LISW-S (Licensed Independent Social Worker, Supervisor Designation) and LICDC (Licenced Chemical Dependency Counselor)
Updated: May 30, 2022
WhitneysSafeSpace
on
May 29, 2015
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Just from this, I would say you're already doing it. Let her know that you want to be there for her and support her in whatever she does and however she identifys. You may also consider finding and showing her a few resources that may be able to help her, including 7 Cups of Tea!
Anonymous
on
Sep 16, 2015
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One of the hardest parts of finding your sexual identity is fear of not being loved or accepted. Telling her that you'll love her no matter what and that you're there for her can be really helpful. Also, taking time to learn about sexual orientations and how it feels to be part of the LGBTQ community can be really supportive, so you know what your child is going through:)
erenflowers
on
Apr 16, 2016
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Finding out your identity and orientation is difficult, frustrating, and confusing for a lot of people. Stress of being rejected is common, and sometimes stress of disownment. The most you can do is to be there for her, make sure she knows you are alright with whatever she finds herself to be, and continue to love her and stick up for her. The rest, she needs to figure out on her own.
LadyCee
on
Jun 14, 2016
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Don't put too much pressure on her. Give her space if she asks for it, && time too if she asks for it. Be there for her if that's what she wants. But most importantlyy, let her find herself. Don't be a kind of influence in that process. Good luck to her :) .
LoveAndPeaceOnThePlanetEarth
on
Oct 17, 2016
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Ask her how she is doing on figuring it out, maybe ask her any questions she's been having and help her research them. And the best thing to do is ask her how she wants you to help
AcaciaTree555
on
Mar 28, 2017
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My biggest piece of advice here would be to let your child know, in no uncertain terms, that they are loved unconditionally. Be there if they need to talk and try to listen non-judgmentally without giving advice that has not been asked for. If your child has requested that you use different pronouns or a different name, respect that choice and try to make sure others in the family do as well (if you have permission to share that information). The biggest challenge for LGBTQ* folks coming out is the fear that they will be rejected or judged so anything you can do to make sure they do not feel that way will be helpful.
lovingTree37
on
Apr 2, 2018
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Just support her whatever. If one day she says she's gay then say that's fine but if she changes her mind then thats also fine don't pressure her to label it if she doesn't want to
Anonymous
on
Mar 5, 2018
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First off, unconditional love. Authentically show that you're in full support of wherever she falls on the spectrum.
Second, don't pressure her into finding an identity. Sexuality is a huge range and she may not ever adhere to a label. As long as she's happy with herself, it doesn't matter.
Third, resources. Because it's such a huge range there's a lot to explore and learn. I suggest You look into Pflag. A very helpful group that can answer your specific questions.
Aayla
on
Jun 10, 2019
LGBTQ+ Issues Expert
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Congratulations on being an awesome and supportive parent! The most important thing is to let her know she can talk about it with you, sometimes just talking helps to see things more clearly. Don't try to make assumptions and find an answer for her, just validate her feelings, show empathy, make her feel accepted and loved. Try to learn as much as you can about sexuality, so you can answer possible questions and help her with her doubts or if she doesn't know a name for what she feels. Point her to good sources on the topic, including but not limited to 7Cups Wiki about LGBTQ+. Encourage her to take her time to analyze her feelings and emotions. Be there for her, but also give her space. Ultimately, just do whatever you wish someone did for you if you were in her situation!
caringBerry61
on
May 22, 2018
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Supporting people, whatever their challenges are, needs to give up the idea of controlling others because we don't like their lifestyle or the choices they make. So the best way to support who we really care for is truly listening to them, practising the greatest loving-kindness towards them and never judge them: in one sentence, telling them: "Whatever you do or will become, the door of my heart is open to you - which basically means "I will accept you exactly as you are. Unconditionally".
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