How to stop hating your mother?

This isn't always achievable. My mother has hurt me so badly I suffer from PTSD. Shes a hypocrite, manipulative, and plain old mean. She refuses to listen to anyone besides herself, is load and brash and never apologizes. Shes drinking and smoking herself into a dark hole that she'll never climb out of. I hate her completely, and I have a right to. Sometimes there's just nothing you or anyone else can say or do to change that. I can't forgive her for what she's done and I've accepted that. She's no longer in my life. That's that.

It's a common thing for people to feel a certain degree of resentment towards their parents. Perhaps they are too controlling? Too old fashioned? Maybe they always try to make decisions for you? Maybe they just don't understand you, or they don't want to accept you for who you are? Many people find themselves in this crisis. However, the key here is to imagine a role-reversal. Your mother brought you into this world. She went through the pain of labour and pregnancy in order to give you the life you have now. She kept you alive for so long, raised you, provided you with food, shelter and good education. She has given you the life that you have now, and without her, none of this would be happening - you wouldn't be reading what I'm writing now, for instance. Your mother taught you to walk, to run, to tie shoelaces... she raised you as a child and she has not given up on you. Even though sometimes she may not show it, keep in mind that she loves you. There will only be one person in this entire world who will ever love you like your mother does. And the saddest thing is, usually it's once you lose her, only then do you start realising how much you need her, how much you really love her. My mother left me a long time ago, and there is not a thing I wouldn't do to have her back with me right now. And I really hope that other people will be able to realise this BEFORE it's too late, so they can give their mother the love that they truly deserve. (And coincidence... it's Mother's Day today! Show your mother some love - you won't regret it! Promise!)

Depending on what your mother has done, it may be appropriate to "hate" her at this point, but these things have a way of lifting as we get older. What has worked for me is forgiveness, or putting myself in her shoes as a mother. Forgiving doesn't mean you have to interact with her, but at least there will not be hardness in your heart for her. Sometimes letting a family member go is what's best for our own emotional and mental health. They may not see it that way, but this is your life. Good luck!

I think the only thing you can really do is try to understand why she is the way she is. If you can understand her -- and this goes for anyone -- then it's impossible to hate her. Now, that being said, you are not obliged to like your mom or even love her. Shared blood, adoptions papers, or whatever your relation may be -- these have no importance. If your mother isn’t loving toward you or willing to try to understand you herself, then she isn't worth your stress. Indifference isn't a bad thing -- less stress over your mother means more time to focus on people who love and support you unconditionally.

"Fake it till you make it." It means acting like you care for her until your mind and heart is already speaking such care and love.

Give yourself some time to look at her as a human being and then take it from there. Would you like this person if you met them tomorrow? Would you want to be friends with this person?

Just think of all the sacrifices she did only for you. She gave you birth , new life that is sufficient to be owed to her for whole life. She demands that respect and love as she is your mother bringing you in this world. And if there is some misunderstanding get in depth of it and try to understand her and help her.

One we resign ourselves to the fact that we can't change anyone else but ourselves we can begin to choose how we respond to our parents and the things they say and do.