How can I support someone experiencing domestic violence ?

To support someone seeking domestic violence what you can do is provide a compassionate ear. Normally when we think of Domestic violence we think of physically and sexual violence only amongst couples. We can be mindful of other signs such as emotional, verbal abuse, black-mail, coercion (e.g. controlling social media, telephone, isolation from other individuals important in the survivors life). A crucial question to ask someone experiencing DV is "Are you in a safe place right now?" to be sure of their safety and that they are not being overheard. Encouraging the individual to seek support for DV in support groups that are gender, culture and sexual orientation specific may be super crucial for the individual as well as keeping them aware that they can contact the police personally. You may want to look at the 7 cups self-help guide on how to take chats for Domestic Violence.

Be there for them to listen when they need it, and just to be a supportive presence even if they don't want to talk about it. If you can, help them find resources to deal with what they're going through, but don't push them to do anything they're not ready for. Remind them that their abuse is not their fault and it doesn't affect their worth as a person. Remind them how special they are even when they seem to have lost all their self esteem. Be patient, there will be ups and downs, moment when they feel ready to take care of themselves and moments when they seem to have lost all motivation. Be there for them either way.

It is important to validate the emotions someone who is experiencing domestic violence may feel. A victim of domestic violence may feel an array of emotions from fear, shame, anger, and many more. Their emotions towards their abuser may confuse them, especially if it is a close friend or family member. It is important to let the victim know that they are not at fault and it is okay to hold conflicting emotions. I would ask them if there is anyone close to them they would feel comfortable speaking to in order to escape a dangerous situation. If they don’t have anyone that can help directly, then i would make sure they understand that I am here to support them. I would suggest looking into 7 cups therapy if they feel like they need professional help. If not, I would offer my compassionate support for them and check in with them on a regular basis.

Be supportive, and careful not to place any shame or blame on them. It is important to not try to provide any advice or solutions. Be gentle in the conversation, not forcing them to provide details. It is important to let them know that you believe what they are telling you, and that they don't deserve it, as well as validating any feelings they may have. Understand that they may want to stay with the abuser because of many reasons, such as them loving them, low self confidence, belief in change etc. Do not offer advice or personal opinions on this, and be supportive of their decisions while also making sure they are aware of relevant help lines.

I think the most important thing to do is to just reassure them that you are there for them no matter what they decide. Let them know that they have a safe place to fall without judgement. The idea that someone should "just leave" is so unrealistic. Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for the victim, the abuser feels like they have lost control and they may become even more violent. A person stays in these horrible situations for so many reasons, and when people tell them to just leave or get upset when they go back, it only makes it harder for them to get the nerve to finally leave. This person needs to know that if they need to run scared in the middle of the night, they can run to you, no questions asked.