Why do depressed people push loved ones away?

Depressed people generally feel like they aren't worth anyone's time and know it, so they feel guilty about it. They might also feel like they are not nice and feel it is best to avoid people to save them from being hurt.

Sometimes we want to have some time on our own to analyse and validate our thoughts neutrally without other people interfering during the process, sometimes we are afraid to depend on other people emotionally, sometimes we are afraid of people leaving or hurting us that we choose to distance ourselves in order to ignore the pain and sometimes we are not able of forming healthy relationships with people and therefore we try to ignore our problems by fading away. There can be thousands of reasons to why a person chooses to push people away. Ask yourself, do you relate to any of the reasons given above?

Well, the major reason can be of hurting the person you love the most through your actions, fear of losing them in the worst state. Depression is an illness that many could heal and many still trying. In this state of mind, you distance yourself from everyone the reason can be that you feel extreme suffocation. People constantly ask you to talk, to smile, in which a person in this state can get exhausted. Fewer connections help them think and have time for themselves. Not everyone can be close and lovable, but there are flaws in everything. Many don't want their loved ones to see them in this state. Depression can be also the state where people don't believe you and accuse you of faking it or trying to grab attention which can lead to severe stress and mental exhaustion, they will tell that how colorful the world is but as they say you are color blind. I think this is the primary reason.

Depressed people push loved ones away for quite a few reasons. One reason for pushing loved ones away is to hide a side of oneself that one is ashamed of. The idea of not being able to manage one's own life and mental health is something that people on the outside are not always accepting of. Depressed people might push loved ones away because depression is altering their thought patterns and might lead one to no longer trust in loved ones or have hope that things will improve. Another reason might be that depressed people are looking to protect their loved ones by not exposing them to the traumas that they've experienced and by not giving them a burden in the form of them and their traumas. People listening to traumas can live vicariously through them and experience some of the emotions and stress as well on top of the stress and emotions that come with hearing about a loved one struggling altogeter.

Most people who suffer from depression tend to distance themselves from their loved ones. The reasons for this could range from feeling burdened or being hurt by someone to hurting someone or being hurt by someone in the past. People sometimes struggle to respond when asked how they are because they don't wish to let someone down because they're doing well or they don't want to divulge their true feelings. Moreover, many people are wary of getting attached to someone and struggle with trust problems, as well. Moreover, it can be very hard to open up to someone no matter how long they've known them, and they might also be afraid of what other people might think about them if they found out about their situation, if they would believe in them or not, or if the bond would still remain the same if their loved one finds out that they're depressed.

Sometimes, depressed people feel that they deserve to be left alone. They already have a lot going on and they feel so unmotivated to meet new people and talk to. They sometimes do not mean to push the loves ones away, they just want to be left alone... They don't want to feel like a burden to other members and that's why they get kinda defensive and pushy. They have moments where they feel sad over the things that have happened and try to deal with them on their own, something which is really hard as they have a lot already in their plate.

People who are depressed tend to question, ‘Am I depressed?’ a lot. As such, this has also happened to me. Although we ultimately understand that our loved ones have our best interest, when we feel depressed, with or without specific reason(s), we are oftentimes confused from the rumination itself. It’s not something we can explain to those we push away, thus we mostly just self-isolate to save ourselves from having the tough conversations. Negative thoughts grow at an exponential rate during these times, hence, thinking and simply believing that nobody likes being around someone depressed can be one of the reasons for pushing people away. Being so, we are constantly afraid that one might eventually become tired of our depressed self and leave us. Attachment issues and fear of abandonment can also be a factor of a tendency to drive people out when things are getting serious between two or more people. An approach that made me feel specially supported during those times was when a close friend decided to step up and talked to me in a way that didn’t require me to explain much of what it was that I was going through. Because honestly, I didn't understand it at that time either. I didn't feel pushed or forced to provide an explanation but I was reassured by their actions that there is someone who truly cares by showing patience and genuine care when dealing with me. And only then, I felt safe to open up with them slowly.

When someone is struggling with depression, their actions —like withdrawing from loved ones—are often the result of a mixture of emotions and thoughts which are complex. Depression may make an individual feel that they are burdensome or unworthy of love, hence they may pull back to keep those they care about safe from what they think is their own negativity or incompetence. Their fear of being criticized or being worriers usually make them behave like this. This sometimes amounts to trying desperately to protect loved ones from internally experienced anguish in hope that this might reduce their problems’ impact on people that they love. Gently approach them, support without pressurizing them too much and constantly remind them that even in their darkest moments, one can still love them.

Sometimes, because they would rather no one cares. If no one cares, then no one will stop you from hurting yourself or miss you.

Because they feel as if close ones may not understand, or that they may hurt their close ones if they did something.