Why do I always blame myself for the breakup?

I feel like im the one who is using them and i feel like i need them just for my things and i feel i don't love them as i say but it's just hormone for sex, but it's Wat all do right im not sure im not a bad person but i feel im selfish and egoistic,i try my best still it doesn't work, and i also felt the main reason is being frank, people they don't like to be frank and it's the reason i blame me for.nothing more to say tired no energy and im done.

For the most part, people have what we call "locusts of control." This means that we assign blame for things that happen to mainly two areas in our life: the outside and the inside. For the most part, people tend to lean one of the two ways. People within outer locus of control tend to blame things on people or situations outside them. Like, "It's not my fault, because I didn't know that blah blah would happen," whereas people with an inner locus of control tend to be more like, "It's my fault because I should have known better, I should have seen this or that." Both can be good and bad, but ideally, you want to be a bit of both. The side you lean towards is mostly decided by the experiences you've had in life. So, in your case, I'd wager that through most of your life you've tended to blame yourself for the things that have happened in your life. And with breakups, it's especially difficult to break this cycle. To find out why it is that you do this you'll need to do some reflecting on your experiences and question some fundamental beliefs you have about yourself. This can be a lot more difficult than it sounds though. Start with perhaps asking yourself, "Why do I feel this is my fault?" and then have a very close look at the reasons and feelings it brings up, and be very honest with yourself about it :)

It might be that you always feel that the other person is better than you and you don't deserve to have them in your life. This is clearly not the case. There is a possibility that you both don't share common things. Blaming yourself is justifying that you deserve to be treated like that and you settle with whatever you've got. Know that if the relationship was meant to be, it would've still lasted. The fact that the other person left you means that they have a 50% role in the break up as well. Its always isn't your fault.

Maybe it's because sometimes when we don't understand what went wrong or how it happened..we tend to find faults in ourselves. But not necessarily this maybe the case. You must be blaming yourself because the relationship is always made up of two people being together. Whatever happens, happens because of you two or the circumstances around. When breakups happens, we obviously tend to look what went wrong. The answer which satisfies us the most or feel comfortable for us believing in most, we tend to accept that. Regardless of, it's true or not. When we put in efforts and it fails, we tend to look at our mistakes and correct it first rather than others. It's normal to feel that way. I totally can feel you. But sometimes something's are just not in our control, and the sooner we accept that, we'll stop blaming for ourselves for everything.

We tend to overcriticize ourselves more than we do anyone else. Sometimes it's harder to see things from any other perspective than our own so outside factors and the other person's point of view don't seem to bear any of the blame. As long as you remember that thought is just working against you and is not necessarily true, you will get through it and emerge stronger than you had been. It might not be easy, but coming to 7cups is always a great first step because there will always be people here willing to listen to and support you.

Breakups are hard for everyone. Unfortunately, many breakups involve not getting enough closure. Many times, there just isn't closure at all - leaving us to blame ourselves. It's hard to "let go" without trying to find something or someone to blame. But blame doesn't help us in the long term. Blame holds us back, makes us feel bad about ourselves, and impairs our forward movement - potentially sabotaging and bringing baggage into a future relationship. It's more important to take what we can, examine it from an outside standpoint, and learn from it. Take what we've learned, and move forward.

When a relationship ends on a bad note, it's really hard to move on. It's hard to accept the fact that something like this happened, and naturally, when your brain can't explain the situation by pointing out to external factors, it internalises the belief that what caused the stress to happen (in this case, the breakup), is you. People tend to think that their significant other is/was better than them when they want to salvage a relationship and let their brains be fueled by all these baseless 'what if's in order to grab at the remnants of what may have been. But even if it's natural, doesn't necessarily mean it's right. I suggest you really take a step back and reevaluate your thinking process, and not think in-the-moment things and 'what if's.

It is something wrong with me? What is wrong? Even if someone else is not a pleasant person we will find a reason to blame ourselves and somehow get to that question: "What is wrong with ME?" But if we move our thoughts little further we will see that most of the time we can find a blame and the break ups are there for a reason. If two people are not compatible, not dedicated to the relationship and sometimes just two different personalities can not share the relationship, why we should go to the blame point at all? Things happen for a reason. If we oversee our behavior and we are honest and kind and also respect our own emotions we should not utilize an action of blaming . Move on and hope for a better future. Learn in a process and do not forget the important lessons...

Sometimes in the aftermath of a breakup, we experience a lot of self-doubt, especially if there is low self-esteem to begin with. If we are prone to believing hurtful things people say about us, if we are regretful of how we've acted in difficult times, or if we are angry with ourselves for the outcome of the relationship, we are at a higher risk of self-blame. It can be important to recognize though, that in the aftermath of a breakup, the events as they transpired might be better analyzed through the lens of a "learning experience" rather than the lens of "assigning the blame". This allows the people involved to accept what has happened and move on from a more prepared place.

It depends from person to person. Some people do not bear the burden of guilt at all when they break up with someone, and usually it is okay, in fact, more than okay, it is brilliant if they do not feel the stress and guiilt associated with the break-up, especially if the relationship was toxic, or they had no ostensible fault. But if you blame yourself for the break-up, especially if you spearheaded it, it is relatable. It usually indicates that somewhere in your mind, you're not over that person, and you're a sensitive soul who does not want to cause any hurt to the other person. But, eventually, you have to understand, that some people are not worth your time, or a spot in your consciousness. Very few are.