Because of my mental health condition, I think I'm probably being emotionally toxic to my bf. Is it best to just leave the relationship?

It's interesting reading your question because I was in the opposite position. I was dating someone who was displaying toxic behaviors but I have a background in psychology and also have my own history with mental illness so I was committed to finding something that would work for both of us. In the end, my girlfriend left without saying why, it was sudden and shocking and I'm still not over it. I think in order for you to make the best decision for yourself and for your partner, you need to consider a few things. 1) Do you love your partner on most days? 2) Does your partner love you? 3) Is your partner willing to be patient while you work through things with a therapist? 4) Are you willing to work on your toxic behaviors to become less toxic, or are you resigned to the idea that this is all you'll ever be? 5) Why do you really think it would be best to leave? Who is it best for? Him? You? 6) Why do you think the toxic behaviors are coming out? Is he triggering something you don't want exposed? 7) Have you tried directly communicating what the problems in the relationship are with your partner? 8) Would he be willing to attend couples counseling with you? I would never recommend someone leave a relationship unless it becomes abusive or there is infidelity, but without knowing more about your specifics, it's hard to give "advice." I can tell you however, that it really hurts when someone you've put a lot of time and energy into just leaves without saying why, or giving notice that the relationship is coming to an end. In my case, she told me she loved me and was talking about forever, the day before she broke up with me. I felt traumatized by her sudden departure and now I'm left to grieve alone. Did your boyfriend know you had a mental health condition when he entered the relationship with you? What would leaving accomplish? Do you want to just stop hurting him? How would leaving accomplish that? Wouldn't it be better to stay in the relationship and learn how to change your behavior in order to have a healthier, safer relationship for both parties? It seems to me that all leaving does is prevent you from having to be responsible for your actions, choices and words. But they will still be there because those are your current coping skills. You will most likely take them into the next relationship with you. Don't you want to learn how to stay put, be kind to your partner, and be accountable for your behavior?

I can see you have a lot of doubts in your mind regarding whether or not your behavior is healthy towards your boyfriend. Do you worry about being too pushy? Too argumentative? In general what are your boundaries and what are your boyfriend's boundaries. Please know any questions you have about your own behavior are all part of learning to manage your illness. Think about why specifically it may be of benefit to leave your relationship? What would you get out of leaving? Think specifically why it may benefit you to stay in the relationship? What would you get out of staying? Think about what the term relationship means for you. Are you helping each other grow? Are you two willing to take accountability? How do you both view attachment? When two people have relationship issues they want to work on they get in touch with a relationship therapist. A therapist will be able to set you up with the knowledge and tools that you need to help navigate the problematic behavior either through changing the behavior or through improving your communication and coping skills for it. The best thing about talking to a good therapist about these issues is that they are empathetic to your struggle and don't judge you for your failures the way a partner, family member, or friend might do. They truly just want to help you achieve what you want to achieve in your life; that's their job. There are also organizations such as OneLoveFoundation, Relate and Laurel Centre for support regarding relationships. You are so welcome to communicate with one of our listeners and therapists on our site.

No it's not. Sometimes taking a break and resetting yourself is the solution, but I also think that just by working on yourself you can create a better relationship with him. You might think you're doing him a favor by leaving, but he won't see it that way, he'll probably be very hurt. Please take care of yourself and I strongly recommend therapy in whatever way you can access it. Explain to your bf what's going on and talk to him if you need to, but allow the therapists to deal with more intense intrapersonal issues. By asking this question it's clear you care about him and I'm sure he feels the same.

I'm answering your question from the perspective of being the significant other, the partner of someone with a mental illness that could at times be described as causing our relationship to feel toxic. I have thought about this extensively. I can very honestly say that I would never choose for our relationship to end in order to also end the rough times. I would much rather go through the pain and the trying times with him than to not have him in my life. He is worth dealing with the struggles and the stress- even though I probably have not made that as clear as I should. I would always choose the pain along with the love that he brings to my life over avoiding the tough times by losing out on having him. I am certain your bf feels the same- even if he is like me and may not demonstrate that sentiment as much as he feels it. You have a value far more than the problems that are a symptom of your condition. And you would not be the you that is so worth having if you weren't complete- flaws and everything.

Hello, So no one on here can really tell you what’s best for your relationship (as in, if you should or shouldn’t leave). However, given your circumstances, and the fact that this is even a question you’ve in your mind, something is probably amiss. First and foremost, mental health conditions do not make you any less loveable and any less worthy. Sometimes we have things we need to deal with, and due to the nature of life, people get involved too, especially people who care about us. Relationship dynamics are really complex. But you know universally, when things seem to be getting out of hand and we have all these questions in our minds, all these doubts running circles in our heads, maybe it’s good enough to let out some of that and have a heart to heart conversation with the person in question. That’s not to say that things are going to be easy, that’s not to say that emotions won’t get messy, but regardless of what happens, know that you’re looking for the right answers. Let the person in question know. You don’t have to work through it alone. And you know what, everyone is different—so as much as we want to be honored, the person in question should be honored too. In order for any relationship to work, we have to listen to each other and let each other know what’s going on and how things are making us feel. It’s a beautiful thing to love each other, but it’s even more beautiful to feel heard in all our complexity. I hope you are able to work through these uncertain times and find the answers you’re looking for. Take it easy on yourself and remember that your doubts and concerns deserve a voice in your relationship.

I appreciate you are considering change with the intent of moving in a healthier direction. At the same time, I can understand your confusion. What are the pros and cons of leaving him? What hesitancy do you feel in moving out of the relationship? Answering these questions might help you in making your choice. Also, we can go to the past and think of happier times in the relationship and what made it valuable. What has changed, and what caused this change? Could any steps be taken to bring back that value? It could also help to know his belief in the relationship, to help you make your choice.

If you are asking this question, I feel like you most likely already know the right answer to this question. You have to focus on yourself right now and focus on getting mentally better so that you can be a good partner in a relationship. If you have noticed yourself getting emotionally toxic, it is important to try to take a step back and take a break from your relationship. You do not have to break up for good or leave the person completely but your mental health and you need to come first if it is starting to affect how you interact in your relationship.

You can talk to him about it... And tell him what is going on in your mind. He would understand if he loves you and could even help you to recover from it. You cannot distance yourself from everybody at this stage of life. Try to resolve the problems than ending it. And you too have to be patient and understand that hurting him or ending the relationship won't make any good.....Instead a better communication can! I'm sure he'll understand your situation. Best of luck with your relationship and may you recover from whatever you are going through in your life😊.

Sometimes the answer doesn't lie in an absolute "yes" or "no". Multiple factors can be taken into consideration here. I don't know your exact situation, nor can I accurately provide any advice to you; however, I invite you to have a talk with your boyfriend. It may be difficult to speak up first, so take baby steps with your progress. Perhaps finding a safe environment for the both of you to have a civil discussion? Let your boyfriend know that you care for him, and that you don't want to be hurting him due to your current mental health status.

Has he ever expressed being upset by your actions? Are the thoughts caused by him telling you that you are being toxic or your own perception of your behavior? In my opinion, the best approach would be to have this conversation with him and figure out whether or not he feels like you are being mentally toxic towards him. If he conforms it, then I suggest telling him about the condition you have and seeing if there is anything you or your boyfriend can do to help make your relationship a healthy one. There are no perfect couples and disagreements will happen no matter what. Breaking up should be the last resort but if all else fails, ending the relationship may be necessary.