Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?

I often feel the same way. When someone does something nice for me I feel it is not deserved. I dont want people to celebrate my birthday, and other things like that. The reason for this, as far as my own personal understanding, is two fold. First, I dont always feel I am worthy of this kind of attention. They must think I am better than I actually am. The other reason is that I dont think I can every pay them back for what they are doing. I have trouble making those personal connections, and Im afraid whatever I do to thank them will never be enough. Just my own personal feelings. I hope that helps.

Hi there! I'm glad you asked such a great question. I believe this also goes to many people out there who also feel like this. From my experiences, I believe it is the fact that we don't want anything or expect anything from you and when you get a surprise, it makes us feel bad about not getting them gifts or making a big deal about those things. It can be that you value your friendships or relationships and their presence is the best gift. When others physically and directly appreciates you, that makes you feel like. you should've also done it too.

Taking a step back to access yourself can be helpful. If someone gives you a gift, be grateful! They did this out of love and that says a lot about how they view you! Learning to love yourself is a process. It doesn't happen overnight. Self love and compassion takes practice but it's well worth the work. Being kind to others comes easier then being kind to yourself. You are just as important as the ones you love. Putting time aside for self care and self love is a daily practice that shouldn't be ignored. Becoming your most authentic self is a lifetime achievement award! Love you like we love you!

I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, or buys me gifts because I do not value my self, and I feel their gift or kindness is worth more to anything but me, because I am afraid of being brought up emotionally exposes me to being brought down. And I really dislike when something, or someone brings me down. So to avoid being brought down, I am hesitant to be brought up in anyway. Accepting someone's kindness or gifts is accepting happiness. And I feel that if I have happiness, I am exposed to losing that happiness, and falling down into sadness, regret, and depression. I cannot have nice things, because I fear the absence of nice things. I fear having something, because it may be taken away. If I never have, I can never have not.

Maybe because you feel that you should have gotten something for them in return since they went through the trouble to get you something

Maybe you believe that you don't deserve it, or you feel guilty because you believe you don't do enough nice things to others in turn.

Some pepole just don't like being dependant on other people even if it's just a gift .also some fell insecure and don't accept it or they don't want to bother anyone

I have it the same way and I know many that feels that way aswell. It's usually based on what you're used to or not. Did you recieve things as younger or is it still unusual to you? Do you feel as if you owe them something in return or guilty for accepting? Figure out what's running through your head when it happens, think "Is this really that bad" or tell them that you feel that way. :) Good luck.

You feel bad because you feel like you are undeserving of that gift and you're not worthy enough of it.

If you feel bad when someone does something nice for you, specially if they buy you gifts will because you think they are buying you it in return you can forgive their actions or they just want to do something kind so you will feel good about as well as the one who bought it.

You may feel bad because you either may not know the person well, so you don’t feel comfortable spending their money. Or in the contrary you could know someone so well that you feel guilty spending their money after all they’ve done for you

It may be because you don't like it. Sometimes, it can be associated with a problem during childhood.

It seems like you think you don't deserve it. Try to understand, why do you think so? Did you do a mistake recently? Think about your negative automatic thoughts. Why do you have them? And remember: nobody is perfect.

I think that sometimes it might be that it causes us shame getting gifts, compliments, or some other things, it might be because it gets out of our confort zone

Perhaps because you feel as if you have imposed...or come from a culture where you are repeatedly taught 1) never to seem weak 2) or be a burden to others. Or you simply dont feel like you deserve kindness. Lack of grace...lack of class. An elegant person has enough humility to accept momentary assistance and see this as reciprocal altruism.

Because there’s no free lunch in America, the saying goes. You’ve probably paid much more than you bargained for after receiving “free stuff” or even a free compliment, which resulted in a reciprocal bottomless pit.

Well sometimes it could feel like we dont deserve it or that we feel guilty because we cant reciprocate but the fact that they think we deserve it should make us more grateful instead.

Perhaps you feel like you don't deserve those gifts and there is some sort of inferiority in receiving them. On the other hand, maybe you just feel bad towards the person who has given you a gift and you are apologetic that they had to spend time getting you the present and the money involved may concern you too! Most people have this way of thinking and its completely alright to do that. Don't worry at all! There is nothing wrong with the way you feel and it is good to feel empathy towards the one who gave you the gift. But just don't forget to thank them! I'm sure they would appreciate it

I understand it from my own perspective; embarrassment, feeling unworthy, or because its out of my comfort zone. Regardless, learning to accept it for what it is can alleviate any stress or anxiousness about it. Even if i dont think i deserve it, the idea that pops in my head is "if i feel like i dont deserve it, i need to do or be better than before". Progress is a healthy way to channel anxiety. It can really be used as fuel to combat and overcome. Accepting that my ideology, that this gift is not something i deserve, is wrong is in my opinion the first step in conquering our mind from itself.

I know that I sometimes feel bad or even guilty once someone continues doing nice things for me, like paying for my lunch, staying a while to listen to me venting or getting me many lovely gifts. And I’ve realized that I forget that this person loves me and that they’re expressing their care with their nice actions and it’s no a burden on them to do so, they’re in fact have chosen to do so on their own will because it makes them feel good. Feeling negative like that towards receiving their kindness is like feeling undeserving of that love and care, which leads back to either a lack of gratitude or self love. I used to feel like they shouldn’t spend all their money on things for me and instead get something for themselves to make more use out of it, but this thought means that I’m forgetting that this person is happy and pleased to give me something that may make me happy. It’s not a burden on them to do so as they could simply be a generous person who finds happiness in giving out and helping others ♡

It will not you bad if the gift is workable or I can say that, the gift which you want. Mainly a repeated gifts or something which you don't like will make you feel bad.If you expect a gift and you will find something else will feel you bad. I also feels the same if my choice is taking as granted and I got a gift which is not useful or which is not needed. Everyone has a expectations and all want the other should follow the same but it is not the case every time and we cannot force our things on others.

Instead of being happy at the gift, a negative feeling arises. It may stem from a feeling that perhaps you do not deserve it or did not do anything worthy enough to be given a gift. When you receive a gift, you assess your actions or performance and conclude that it is not satisfactory enough for a reward. Instead of looking at the gift as simply "a gift, " it becomes a reward for your actions--which you feel is lacking. You may also feel bad when someone buys you a gift because they are spending money on something you do not deserve. Although you may feel bad when someone buys you things, remember that you are worthy enough and deserving of gifts.

You are not used to affection. It's how you have been raised. Your childhood taught you that affection, in any form, is not normal and therefore I should never be getting it. its okay. unlearn the cycle of abuse. try to teach yourself that you are worthy of love and affection, even if you are not used to getting it. everytime someone gets you a gift, remind yourself that that got it for you because they love you and care for you and this is their way of showing it. and you are very worthy of this love and care.

There may be a lot of reasons why you feel bad about this situation... maybe you dont really trust the person so its hard for you to accept gifts or kindness from them. We all feel a bit flustered when people are nice to us, but its important that we learn to feel grateful about these things, cuz not everyone is willing to do nice things for us. Unless the person isnt being genuine , its okay to say thank you, and its okay to smile about it. Regardless of why you feel bad when someone does something nice for you, i hope even more people will be nice to you, so that you can smile :)

I feel like this from time to time, and it's perfectly normal. For me at least, it's because I feel i can't reciprocate that giving in the same way, and this can make us feel bad or helpless. But if you put yourself in their shoes, they have likely given you a gift or done something nice because they value you as a person and want to show their appreciation. That, or they're just being nice for the sake of it. Either way, there is nothing wrong with embracing this, even if initially we feel like we can't give back at that specific time. Just maybe try and enjoy the moment, as it's likely also why they gave something to you- to make you feel better!

Maybe you feel that you don’t deserve and this person has wasted their time and money. That could be why you feel bad as in guilt. If you are feeling bad as in angry, it could be for the same origin reason but your mind could be responding differently. Like, “why are they getting gifts for the worthless human that is me?! They’re so stupid!” Either way, you need to realize that they truly care for you and you are worth all this. You’re a good person. I know it. If you ever need to talk, I’m here for you. -Jae

I know this feeling, it may be because you feel like you don't deserve these things. You may feel bad about yourself and can't see that others actually care about you and want to take care of you. Maybe, you don't want them to "waste" their time for you. You may not like yourself a lot right now and you don't see how anyone else can. But they can and the do! This is a common feeling that many people have experienced and it is very hard to overcome, it takes time and patience. I'm very sorry you feel this way.

This feeling is usually caused by feeling like you receive too much and give back too little. If you feel guilty about people being nice to you, try being nice to them back. If someone gives you a gift, get them one too, if someone is kind to you be kind to them as well, once you learn to give back the same kindness and do nice things to others, just like they do to you. You should feel better about yourself once you see people being happy and thankful about something you did or gave them.

That sounds like a pretty complicated situation. A lot of the time, we may feel like we are undeserving of gifts or nice things because we feel like we are burdening others or are not worthy of their attention. This can be helped by acknowledging your worth and building your self-esteem. Remember that it was their choice to do something for you because they care about you. Doing nice things for you is just testament to the fact that they value your role in their lives. Take some time to consider your value in your relationships. You deserve to be cared about :)

I understand that you want to know why you feel that way. Where do you feel bad about? Do you talk about your feelings with that specific person? Maybe you feel obligated to give something back? I think it’s not weird to feel bad when someone gives you a gift. It never weird to feel what you are feeling. Maybe if you talk about it with people you can figure out why you feel that way. A gift is something excited and new and sometimes people don’t like new things. Remember it is totally oké to feel the way you feel. No matter what people tell you it’s oke!