Understand the Role of Biases in Your Relationship: Confirmation Bias
Confirmation bias is seeking information that will prove you right more often than you look for examples that would prove you wrong (Snyder, 1981).
“It is the truth of your experience, but not necessarily the truth of what happens.” (Esther Perel)
How does it affect your relationship? Besides influencing how we gather information, confirmation bias also affects how we interpret and recall that information. It may cause us to recall details in a way that reinforces our attitudes.
Example: If you believe that your partner is lazy, you will only notice the ways he or she fails to help you around the house. Almost certainly, you won't notice what positive things they do that perhaps contribute to something else.
Exercise:
1. Write down any negative beliefs you have about your partner.
2. Challenge yourself to look for evidence that contradicts your negative beliefs. This helps you test your beliefs about your partner.
3. Finally, when you find some evidence that disproves your beliefs, let them know you noticed the good stuff they are doing. Acknowledge and thank them.