The Only Way Out is Through. We have to feel it to heal it.

Today we’ll focus on how feeling our feelings is crucial during the process of healing. When you think of 2020, what feelings and emotions come to mind when you think back on all you’ve been through? Do you feel hurt, or helpless? Do you feel depressed, or anxious?

Take a look at this feeling wheel

Acknowledgement & acceptance

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a therapeutic intervention developed in response to research that indicates embracing our thoughts and feelings — rather than fighting them — is effective in increasing psychological flexibility and managing mental health (Harris, 2011). This specific approach has been heavily utilised among therapists this year as we acknowledge our feelings and our reactions to things outside of our control.

Acknowledging where we are now - and accepting how we got here essentially opens the doors to healing. To heal, we have to acknowledge the wound. We can begin by acknowledging, or thinking about, all we have been through. Just sit with that for a moment. Accept that whatever you have been through, you did the best you could. One more time: You did the best you could. And acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean you approve of everything that happened, or how you reacted. Acceptance is simply stating “This is what happened.” Once we can say “This is where I’ve been, and this is where I am,” only then can we move forward and create change.

It’s a skill to learn to sit with our feelings. Learning to do this facilitates healing, and it’s something you’ll use over and over again as you navigate life and move through your emotions rather than getting stuck in them.

Emotions are not positive or negative. They are simply sources of information. We can learn how to cope with those feelings. Managing our emotions is like learning to surf and riding the waves. Feelings are not permanent. Emotions come and go, just like waves on the shore.

Riding the waves & deep breathing

Skill building takes practice — we need to develop muscles for riding the wave of our emotions. When we feel extremely overwhelmed, angry, or scared, and want to “turn the volume down” slightly, these two practices can help do just that:

Riding The Waves of Emotions

This is a helpful skill from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) that helps us regulate our emotions when we’re trying to calm ourselves down. Knowing that our feelings don’t last forever, and remembering that we won’t always feel this way, lets us practice how to experience the changing intensity of our feelings — like surfing a wave in the ocean. Give it a try with the prompts below:

• Notice and name what you are feeling. (“I notice feelings of anxiety.”)
• Accept that feeling. (“I have anxious feelings and that’s okay.”)
• Notice where you feel that emotion in your body. (“My head hurts and my palms are sweaty.”)
• Sit with that emotion and consciously pay attention to your breathing. Breathe through it.
• Notice how you feel. Ask yourself what this emotion is trying to tell you. (“I need to slow down and ask for support.”)
  

Deep Breathing

Mindful breathing is a helpful tool to manage and regulate our emotions. Deep breathing activates our parasympathetic nervous system response, which calms our bodies into a “rest and digest” state. Being in a calmer place — as opposed to the sympathetic nervous system response of “fight or flight” — helps us not let strong feelings overpower our decision-making. Try the breathing exercises below and practice them throughout the day as part of your routine. If you’re sitting in traffic or have a few minutes before a meeting starts, take time for a few mindful breaths.

• Breathe in for a count of 4
• Hold for a count of 4
• Breathe out for a count of 4
• Hold for a count of 4
• Repeat 3x (please ensure you adapt this to your own body and whatever feels right for you) 

Or if a video works best for you, please see a breathing exercise video here: 4-minute Breathing Exercise