Step 4: Practicing Saying “No” to Temptations

Probably the most difficult triggers are those combining two or more of the categories, such as a Who and a What.

Say you argue with a friend, coworker, or family member. That’s a who leading to a what of stress and resentment. Or say you’re at a friend’s for a party and they encourage you to overeat and overdrink; this constitutes another potentially deadly synthesis of Where (friend’s house), Who (social pressure), and probably a What (a celebratory atmosphere). In such scenarios, it can be tough to say “No.”

That’s why we advocate you practicing a probable high-risk situation in advance. Start privately at home in your mind, graduate to saying it out loud to yourself, and then practice with a member of your change team (professionals or trusted people that are on your team to help you grow) before using these advanced skills in real situations.

In this imaginary theatre, you envision yourself in a scenario where temptations reign supreme. For instance, a member of a battling couple imagines the partner making sarcastic or belittling remarks and feels the temptation to respond in kind. Or a smoker pictures himself outside on a stressful day with a friend who lights up; he can see the cigarette emerging from the pack, hear the flick of the lighter, smell the tobacco burning. The friend extends a hand and asks, “Want one?”

Think of and practice a probable high-risk situation privately at home in your mind, and if comfortable, say it out loud to yourself. How does this rehearsal make you feel?