Relationships

Relationships

Post – secondary education is not like in high school where you are with the same group of people the majority of the time, so I get the fear and anxiety in forming a new friend group.  

Although there may be a challenge, as mentioned in the earlier module on why reaching out for support is important, friends can be your support group. You can try these methods on initiating a conversation to start developing connections.

Some people just make friends naturally, but many first-year university students are more shy or

quiet and may need to actively seek new friends. Here are some starting points:

1. Keep all doors open for meeting new people. If you live in residence, keep your door open.

Try to sit with different people at meals so you can get to know them better. Study in a

common area or lounge where you’ll be among others.

2. Be open in your interests. Don’t limit yourself to people who share only certain interests.

Meeting people by studying together is an excellent way to get to know people with different

interests.

3. Don’t try to get involved in everything going on around you. Committing to too many

activities or joining too many social groups will create stress in the long term, and you may

not spend enough time with anyone to get to know them.

4. Let others see who you really are. Let people get to know the things you’re interested in,

your real passions. People who really know you are more likely to become good friends.

5. Make an effort to get to know others, too. Show some interest. Don’t talk just about your

interests—ask them about theirs. Show others that you’re interested, that you think they’re

worth spending time with, and that you really do want to get to know them.

6. Once a friendship has started, be a good friend. Respect your friends for who they are and

don’t criticize them or talk about them behind their back. Give emotional support when your

friends need it and accept their support as well when you need it.

How to start a conversation (+Non awkward Examples) 

https://socialself.com/start-conversation/ 

The 5 Best ways to Network while you’re still in college  

Roommates

Roommates can be both your best friend, and your worst enemy...sometimes in the same day! We suggest that you sit down with your new roommate early on, and get to know each other, and make some ground rules for your space, chores, and ways of living together. You can develop this into a roommate rules/ guidelines. Here are some ideas to get you started: 13 Essential Rules to Have with Your Roommates, according to Reddit 

Living with others 

There might be a situation where you have to live with other people in your post-secondary journey. Living with other people can be enjoyable, but it can also be terrible if not handled properly. Some of the key strategies to develop a great living environment with other people include respecting one another’s spaces, setting healthy boundaries and responsibility.  

Here's an activity you should try with your roommate/housemate: Develop a chores list. 

Everyone is responsible for keeping shared spaces clean. Often, conflict arises when one roommate feels that they do more chores than others. Developing a chores list ensures that house tasks are equally divided and keeps shared spaces clean and organized!  Develop “roommate rules/ guidelines” with your roommate. Consider creating a cleaning schedule and an accountability jar for necessities. 

Boundaries

Creating and maintaining boundaries is a very important part of post-secondary. Boundaries will teach others what you expect from them, and what you expect from yourself. You will need to learn how to say no, before you experience burn out. 

Good Boundaries free You - Sam Gilman TedX 

Homesickness and Feeling Lonely  

Ahh homesickness. I have experienced this numerious times in my post-secondary journey. I had to leave home to get my diploma/ degree and having deal with homesickness is not easy. According to WebMD (2021), homesickness is “the feeling of emotional distress when you’re away from home and in a new and unfamiliar environment”. Homesickness can manifest in different ways like difficulties in adapting, feeling of not belonging and feeling of deep loneliness. By being aware of the homesickness manifestation and journaling, I helped me cope up with the feeling.  

 To develop an awareness in homesickness and to learn ways on how to deal with it, you can check this link: Home sickness and mental health  

Romantic relationships and dating 

As an international student, dating can be fun, scary, exciting, soul-crushing, and difficult, but it can also provide you with experiences that will help you adjust to new cultural practices (Insider Guides, 2021). Nowadays, dating has been made easy through the advancements made by technology. The use of dating apps has been a new way for people to meet, date and expand their social networks. Everyone uses dating apps for different reasons; just remember to use them responsibly Ponce (2015). I've come up with five tips for staying safe on a date: 

“The CATCH” 

Choose a public space whenever you go on a date. 

Avoid drinking alcohol. 

Tell a friend or colleague where and who you are going to meet. 

Create an escape plan when your date is making you uncomfortable. 

Have your own transportation to go home. 

Sex, Consent and Sexual Assault  

If you have decided to engage in sexual activity, it is important to ask, and know how consent looks like. Here is a great easy video that explains consent so everyone can understand. 

Remember consent rules with this acronym FRIES: 

Consent is: 

Freely given  

Reversable  

Informed  

Enthusiastic 

Specific 

Here is a very informative article about consent and facts about sexual assault and harassment :

Breakups

Ending a relationship can be difficult, stressful, and painful but it can give both parties some time to rethink their priorities and problems that might be hurting their relationship (Psychologies, 2013). Dr. Maertz from the University of Alberta has come up with 20 strategies to survive a break up.