Reflection: Example Member Scenario

Are you letting the member know that you understand what they are saying, not only the situation itself but also how they are feeling?  

Reflection -- the process of describing back to the member what they have told you -- is a good way to let the member know that you are following along and understanding what they are going through. 

Example Member Scenario: My best friend and I used to be really close, but lately she's been hanging out so much more with these two other girls. Sometimes days go by before she responds to my texts and I just don't know what's wrong. 

Awful: Oh. Okay. 

This response doesn't reflect what the member said at all. It could have been a response to anything. In general, the more specific the better. 

Mediocre: Oh so you have been with your friend less. 

This response reflects the most important idea, that the member hasn't been with her friend so much. To improve, we can reflect the other details as well. 

Good: It sounds like things are different with your friend now than they used to be, she spends more time with other girls now and is less available. 

This response reflects the main important ideas that the member has conveyed. It's good progress! If you've reflected the most important ideas, then you're doing a good job. To do even better, you can pick up on the finer details and emotionally relate as well. 

Exemplary: So things have been different lately with your friend than they used to be, and it sounds like you're struggling to figure out why that is. Especially since she is such a close friend to you. It sounds like it's difficult to wait a long time for a response from her while knowing that she is with others. 

This response is more nuanced and goes a step deeper. It acknowledges the member's fundamental confusion and struggle with why her friend has been less present in her life. It also recognizes that this is particularly difficult for the member, because she was so close to her friend before. As a whole, it reflects the emotional pain the member feels when her friend neglects her to spend time with others, so the member can know that you are understanding her situation on a much deeper level.

I hope that we can all help each other grow and strive towards the exemplary answers, so that we can best support our wonderful members. <3