Practising Self-Care and Compassion

First, watch this video on Self-Compassion 

Today we’ll build upon yesterday’s practice of looking externally at our support systems and how they can help us. We’ll also look internally, at prioritizing self care and compassion. Compassion is the process of expressing warmth, empathy, and understanding. Often it can be easier to express compassion than it is to express self-compassion. Self compassion applies that kindness and warmth to ourselves, especially when we’re going through a hard time, make a mistake, or generally feel frustrated with ourselves. Contrary to what we might have been told — that we need to be tough on ourselves in order to gain strength and move on — research tells us that when we practice self compassion and self care, it makes us more productive and able to recover and move forward faster than if we speak to ourselves in an unkind, critical, or judgmental manner. Let’s dive deeper into self care and compassion.

Redefining self-care

Self care no longer refers to bubble baths and alone time. Living through 2020, so much of what we had come to rely on for self care was no longer feasible. Thrown into situations of great pressure, grief, and emotional turmoil — without our usual coping mechanisms — self care may have seemed laughable. Think of self care as behaviors that invest in your well-being. Yes, that includes the very necessary stress management strategies of exercise, getting regular fresh air, deep breathing and mindfulness, taking time to read or do something you enjoy. Definitely keep those things in your schedule. However, we challenge you to take it to the next level.

Think about self-care as the choices you make each day that support your mental and emotional well-being in the long run. This can be difficult, as we all have varying levels of bandwidth and patience. But if we stop and think about what we know will feel best for us long term, it helps us sort out what is routine versus what we’re choosing because it supports what we ultimately want for ourselves.

Active self care can be hard. It looks like re-rescheduling, re-prioritizing, declining invites, and drawing new boundaries. You may need to speak up about things you’ve previously been able to ignore. Perhaps you don’t feel emotionally safe at work and need to address it. Maybe you need to have a tough conversation with your partner, or look at household dynamics that aren’t working. It may mean turning down an invite to something you can’t prioritize right now for or don’t feel safe attending. It may mean disappointing someone. Just make sure that someone is not you. Self care is self prioritization. In other words, it’s not about pampering ourselves. It’s about being an advocate for ourselves.

We are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel

Vaccines are being rolled out. Things are beginning to re-open. We’re in the healing process. Let’s take a look at how this pandemic has challenged us - in our careers, our friendships, our family relationships. Take a moment to answer the following questions.

• What was the hardest part? What surprised you the most? What changed the most for you? What is something you had to face head-on? What is one thing you feel proud of?
• What surprised you most about yourself? What surprised you the most about someone else? What has it brought to the surface that you feel you need to address?

Pay attention to your self-talk

‍This is where self compassion comes in. We want to acknowledge that we know you’re doing your best. Everyone is doing their best. Do you know you’re doing your best, and do you remind yourself of that regularly? Practicing self compassion means you’re being as kind and empathic to yourself and your situation as you would with anyone else. It’s a change in attitude. Research tells us that compassion builds resilience and strength. Self criticism, on the other hand, leads to increasing despair and increased risk for mental illness. Self compassion in the face of our failures and life difficulties leads to mental well-being, happiness, and productivity. It’s the ultimate way we can practice self-care.

Just as we focused on in managing our expectations, over the course of the next day pay attention to what you’re saying to yourself.

Reflection Journal

Let’s take a deeper look into what a self care and self compassion practice can look like. Journaling and gratitude visualizations can help us change negative cognitions. Today we invite you to incorporate self care and self compassion into your journaling.‍

Adapted from Dr. Kristen Neff, PhD Self Compassion Journal Exercise‍

At the end of the day, take a few minutes to journal (feel free to journal in either a written notebook, in your phone notes, or a phone audio recording). Reflect on one moment today where you felt frustrated, or acted out of anger, or noticed speaking to yourself in a criticizing way. What happened? Share the details of what happened. Now look over your journal entry, and add in the 2 components of self compassion outlined below:

Incorporate 3 components of self compassion

• Mindfulness (awareness of the emotion you felt, stating this in an objective, non-judgmental way)
• Common Humanity (“zoom out” to see how this one experience is also connected to humanity, and might be a common human reaction to what you experienced)
• Self-kindness (write something comforting and kind to yourself, much like how you would speak to a best friend, or a child)

Commit to self-care

What self-care practice can you commit to today to best support yourself in what you need today. Ask yourself: this was a really tough experience. How can I comfort myself in this moment?

• Hand on heart, close your eyes
• Spend time doing something that brings you joy
• Give yourself a big hug, take a deep breath

Journaling and re-reading our journaling experiences when we were able to cope with a difficult experience boosts our resilience. It also fosters trust in ourselves that we have what we need within us to get through hard times.