Managing Expectations

Managing expectations requires us to stop and acknowledge what’s happening in our lives. Adjusting our expectations is crucial to healing. We have expectations for everything — what our day will look like, what the weather will be, how our friend/parent/worker might react to the news. But the most important expectations to pay attention to are the ones we have about ourselves. We have so many personal expectations — how we should eat, sleep, achieve, be a friend, partner, work, live — and what we say to ourselves if we fall short of those.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, especially with so much happening that’s out of our control: If you’re employed and by whom, the implications of the pandemic on your living situation and family dynamics, social oppression and injustice — the list goes on. Today we’ll focus on what we can control — how we regulate our expectations and the self-talk we practice about them. We cannot live by the same expectations we had for ourselves one year ago.

Take inventory

Are you still holding yourself to the same expectations you’ve always had for yourself? Is your life still the same? What changed? How can you adjust what you expect from yourself right at this moment?

Name one thing you’re proud of yourself for doing today.

Best practices for reframing internal dialogue

• Avoid absolutes and all or nothing thinking
• Challenge your thoughts
• Use forward-focused language and stay focused on what you can do, rather than what you can’t
• Speak to yourself like you would a friend
• Get curious. Notice when you go down a negative self-talk rabbit hole
  

Positive Replacement Thoughts worksheet

Taking back control of our thoughts allows us to change how we feel, so that we can improve our mood. Becoming more aware of our self-critical or negative thoughts is the first step in building that self-awareness. This worksheet is designed to help you identify the positive in events and people, then make a habit out of doing so.

Instructions

Make a 2-column chart and write any Automatic Negative Thoughts that you can think of in the left column.

Next, consider each in turn and see if you can challenge it with a Positive Replacement Thought in the right-hand column.

This exercise has no time limit. To get better at finding the positive in situations and people, you may want to set aside some quiet time each day or week to turn from ANTs into Positive Replacement Thoughts.