Is it mandatory to use the member account to take help on personal issues (issues not related to listening journey)?
Short Answer:
It is so that we keep roles clear. On the listener account, we are in a listener's role and the focus is on providing support. While on the member account, the role is of seeking support.
Elaborate Answer:
✹ Listeners talking about personal problems in PMs with other listeners ✹
With our culture of forming strong friendships and being open with our mental health, how easy is it to reply honestly when a listener friend asks you how you are? How nice is it to be able to admit that you're feeling down, or that something bad has happened? How tempting is it to let this kind, caring person know all about what it is that you're facing? But this can be really harmful for you, and for the other listener when you move from telling them how you're feeling to relying on them to listen to you and to support you.
① It oversteps their boundaries
When we're talking to other listeners, we expect light hearted chat, and we switch out of the listener role. If we need to be listeners all the time, that can be very stressful.
② They won't be able to say no to you
You're a listener! A friend! You know them really well, of course they'll find time for you! That's all a great testament to your friendship, but ask yourself if they're able to say no to you.
③ It makes them less able to take listening breaks
If someone isn't taking chats, and has their status set offline, it's normally for a reason. Yes, they may be in listener chat or otherwise dabbling around the site, but they may have to go in 5 minutes. They may be absolutely overwhelmed with members and projects already. They may just not feel up to it.
④ It prevents them from gaining cheers and reviews
For a lot of people, cheers and chats are a big motivation! When you take on a member, you get the chance to get a nice review, your ratings go up. We don't ask for anything in return for our time spent listening, but the feeling of logging in and seeing that there's a nice review waiting for you - well that's just the best feeling. When you talk to a listener for hours on your listener account, you aren't able to give them that little thanks for their time, and a public recognition of their skill.
⑤ It stops you using your listener account properly
You signed up to help people. Whenever you log into your listener account, you are promising that you are in a safe and stable place and able to support members. If you need support, member accounts are there for you to get that support. It's easy to argue that you're a volunteer, you deserve to be supported, but by taking on the listener role and responsibilities, you are telling people that you are able to offer support.
⑥ It stops you seeking better support
If you're getting to the point where you so badly need to talk that you're seeking people out to support you, you are not in a healthy place to listen. Ask yourself if you're really here to support others. If you connect as a member, you're saying to yourself that you are upset, and that's okay. You are telling yourself that what you feel is valid, and admitting that you need to take a break.
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✔ It's okay to say no to your friends
✔ You have a right to keep boundaries under bounds
✔ Let's celebrate our member accounts!