How to Help Members Through: Chronic Illness

Chronic Illness refers to any disease or disorder of long duration which causes continuous or episodic periods of incapacity.

A person who is living with a chronic illness has an overwhelming myriad of physical and emotional symptoms to balance on a daily basis.

It is likely that the illness has changed the course of their life dramatically. Family, friendships, social obligations, eating, sleep, exercise, careers, and school, all become governed by the illness, and one may struggle with a loss of control of their lives.

One may feel shame that they cannot be who they were before the illness or do the things they were able to do before, and grieve the loss of their pre-illness life. It can be especially difficult watching those around them experience life with full capability and potential while feeling unsure of their own future.

Listener Tips and Tricks for When You're Stuck:

1. 'Have you shared your illness with those around you?'

It can be extremely difficult for them to open up to others about their illness, but it is important to do so to gain support from those around them.

2. 'Do you practice self-compassion and self-acceptance?'

They may have created an unhealthy relationship with themselves. They may hate their bodies for the pain it brings them or hate themselves due to what they have lost from their illness. Encourage them to be compassionate towards themselves, body and mind, and remind them of their strength for being courageous enough to open up about it.

3. 'I believe you.'

This can be a really powerful statement for someone to hear, especially if their illness is not visible or has a non-testable diagnostically based diagnosis. The grief this person goes through trying to convince others that they are sick can be exhausting. Stating that you believe that what they are going through is real can take off the anxiety and pressure of having to convince you of the reality of their condition.

4. 'Take it one day at a time.'

Chronic conditions change constantly. Unfortunately, this leads to a life of unpredictability and uncertainty for any future plans. Remind them that not every day will be as bad as this day, and most importantly to put effort into getting through the present moment. One of the helpful quotes in relation to this is, "On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Things Not to Say to Someone with a Chronic or Invisible Illness:

1. 'You don’t look sick'

Not everyone “looks like” what is happening to them. You would never say “you don’t look like someone who is going through a terrible divorce” if your stressed out friends still manage to put on a brave face and pull themselves together. Not all illnesses are manifested outwardly.

2. 'You’re too young to be sick'

When you tell someone they’re too young to be sick, it just makes them feel even more guilty or embarrassed for having an illness they have no control over when society expects them to be healthy. And, moreover, just because you have an illness, doesn’t mean you want to be called “sick.”

3. 'Everyone gets tired'

That may be true. And most people are not getting enough sleep and rest. But the difference between someone with chronic illness associated fatigue and an otherwise healthy person is the level of fatigue.

4. 'You’re just having a bad day'

I know you are trying to motivate someone and make them feel better when you say this, but it doesn’t come off like that. Instead of making someone with a chronic illness feel supported and motivated when you say this, it feels like you are brushing off their symptoms. Chronic illnesses are often for life. You can change your lifestyle and find treatments to help them, and some of them can be “managed,” but for the most part, that person will have to deal with a lot of bad days for many years to come.

5. 'It must be nice not having to go to work/school'

Sure, it can feel that way when you take a day to play hooky or a long vacation. But when you are forced not to go to work or school, even when you want to be there, it is a different story. It’s fun to watch TV for a day or two, but after that, it feels trapped.

6. 'You need to get more exercise'

Exercise helps pretty much any health condition. But it isn’t a cure-all. For people with chronic illnesses, their physical limitations may make it harder for them to do traditional exercises. And even if they do, it will probably not be a cure for a condition that is caused by something totally different like an immune system that attacks itself or a nervous system that doesn’t regulate itself correctly.

7. 'It’s all in your head/ you’re just stressed/ depressed/ anxious'

Chances are when you say this to someone you are only contributing to their stress, not helping them see something they never saw before.

Chronic Pain Guide on 7 cups of Tea website:

https://www.7cups.com/chronic-pain/ 

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