How do we handle a sex-related chat?
Sometimes there are people in need of help with issues such as understanding sexual urges. In some situations it is okay for someone to tell us about a sexual thought they had, or to explain something sexual that happened. As long as you are comfortable with the conversation and neither party is sexualizing the conversation it's 100% okay.
But how can we tell what the person's intention are or if they're sexualizing things? Let's go over a few do's and don'ts of sex-related chats.
Do:
- Make sure both of you are comfortable with the topic
- Let them know if they make you uncomfortable
- Be compassionate if they want to know if something is normal
- Be understanding towards their confusion just as you would if it weren't sex-related
- Follow the chat rules such as no offsite contact
- Try your best to be an empathetic and professional listener
Don't:
- Let it become about talking about sex for sex instead of sex for understanding and communication
- Share too much about yourself instead of letting them talk. Sometimes people want to get to know you before talking about this sort of sensitive subject and that is okay, but make sure they are appropriately engaged with you.
- Lose sight of the fact that this is a chat to help. If you feel it has drifted off of being focused on their well being, let them know and try to get it back on the topic of what they need to be emotionally healthy.
Some things that would be inappropriate if either party...
- Expressed arousal at what the other had said or the conversation in general
- Told the other that they fantasized/thought of them sexually
- Asked for details of the person's sex life without asking if it was okay
- Asked for personal details that the other had expressed discomfort in disclosing
What can we do when a member comes to 7cups for inappropriate reasons?
The most important thing to do is to immediately set boundaries when someone says something that seems sexual and makes you uncomfortable. Here are a few phrases you can use that cover most situations you may have.
"I feel that I should let you know that the words you just used have made me feel uncomfortable. I am not comfortable talking about sex and would appreciate it if you changed the topic. If you have a sex-related issue and would like to talk with someone else I would be happy to refer you to them."
"I am not sure where you would like this chat to go and I would like to set up some boundaries as this chat seems to be going in a sex-related direction. While I am able to talk about sex, I cannot engage in any sort of sexual interaction."
"I'm sorry but as a 7cups listener I am not allowed to engage in any sort of sexual interaction. If you continue to interact with me this way I will no longer be able to chat with you."
Once you have said something along these lines that is fitting to the situation, you have effectively set up rules. If the member continues to interact in a way that is sexual or makes you uncomfortable even after 2 or 3 polite verbal reminders, you can end the chat using 'end the chat' button, and if they might still message you, you block them without needing to explain yourself. If they will not follow our site rules you have no obligation to continue to chat with them.
How do we avoid inappropriate chats in the first place?
The best way to prevent people from inappropriately engaging with you is to establish a professional atmosphere when beginning a chat. This entails a professional greeting that, in a kind and welcoming fashion, asks what has brought them to us. The people who are looking for this type of connection which 7cups is not appropriate for, are often not thinking about how seriously our listeners take helping people. Reminding people that we are a professional resource for those in need of emotional support helps those in need of support feel welcome and valued, while causing those who don't know what we do to re-evaluate how they are using the site. The goal of this is to make it readily apparent to people that 7cups is not the place to go for sexual connections or to try to make people uncomfortable.
Original post here by @UntilThen, send them a thanks!