Empathy: Example Member Scenario

How are you relating to the member, emotionally? Are you putting yourself in their shoes, trying to understand how they feel in their situation?  

Everyone wants to feel understood. By responding in a kind and empathetic way, the members will feel more supported.  

Example Member Scenario: My boyfriend showed up 40 min late to our dinner date. Again! This is the second time he's done it in a row and it's getting to me! 

Awful: You're making such a big deal out of this! So you had to wait, so what? 

This response doesn't even understand why the member would feel distressed by what happened, and even worse, it diminishes the member's feelings. Instead, we want to support our members and build them up. 

Mediocre: Yeesh, your boyfriend is a big jerk for doing that. 

This response emphasizes the negative feeling that the member is having about her boyfriend, but it is judgmental and not the most kind remark to make. We can improve it by focusing on relating to the member's feelings in a more objective way.

Good: It sounds like you're feeling frustrated that your boyfriend was late to dinner, that's a long time that you had to wait for him. 

This response lets the member know that you are understanding her frustration that her boyfriend caused. It also lets the member know that you understand why she is frustrated: because she had to wait a long time. By letting the member know that you can see not only how she's feeling but why she might be feeling that way, she will feel more supported and heard. 

Exemplary: It sounds like you're feeling frustrated that your boyfriend was late to dinner again. I understand that it's particularly frustrating that he was late not only once, but a second time. It might have felt like he was letting you down by not making the effort to show up on time. 

This response goes a step further: it pays attention to the detail that the member shared about her boyfriend being late again, and it thinks about how having to wait a second time can feel additionally frustrating. By thinking deeply about how situations can affect people's feelings, we can relate to them more, and maybe even offer some insights that they themselves might not have been aware of. 

I hope that we can all help each other grow and strive towards the exemplary answers, so that we can best support our wonderful members. <3