Communicating With L-O-V-E
Acronym LOVE can help you remember how to communicate with your partner in a sensitive and loving way. When we communicate with each other, we need to: Listen with an Open Heart and mind, Validate and acknowledge each other and Express our thoughts and feelings softly and clearly.
Listen: Effective communication starts with a willingness to listen to the other, no matter how important it is to express our feelings and opinions. As you listen to your partner, pay attention to his/her body language and facial expressions as well. Try to resist the urge to interrupt your partner while he or she is speaking. Taking time to listen without interrupting shows respect and a willingness to understand your partner.
Open: Put aside judgments and presumptions as much as possible when dealing with relationship issues. Do not assume that you know what your spouse needs and feels. Instead, ask.
Validate: Before replying to your partner, make an effort to acknowledge that what your partner has just said is a legitimate experience for him or her. When you validate your partner, you are demonstrating respect for his or her view of reality even though it may be different from yours.
Express: Sharing something from inner life while getting validation and support strengthens the emotional bond between partners. Disclosure is signals to the other person, “I trust you enough to tell you this personal information; you matter enough for me to want to let you in.”
(source: An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples. Kallos-Lilly &Fitzgerald, 2015)
What impact might communicating based on LOVE have on your relationship?