Assertiveness Skills: Step One
1. Be Factual About What You Don't Like
When approaching someone about a behavior you’d like to see changed, stick to factual descriptions of what they’ve done, rather than using negative labels or words that convey judgments. For example:
Situation: Your friend, who habitually runs late, has shown up 20 minutes late for a lunch date.
Inappropriate (aggressive) response: "You’re so rude! You’re always late."
Assertive communication: "We were supposed to meet at 11:30, but now it’s 11:50."
Don’t assume you know what the other person’s motives are, especially if you think they’re negative. In this situation, don't assume that your friend deliberately arrived late because they didn't want to come or because they value their own time more than yours.
Comment(s)
Created by @Dalladi
My mom was habitually late growing up. It could be easy to stamp her with the narcissist label and walk away, and for some that works. For me, understanding the reasons behind the label are what’s fascinating. Then one can form a solid enough opinion through data, rather then emotion alone, and walking away could be then less confusing. Now excuse me while I try and put that into practice! It’s especially hard these days as she tears into other people who are late (are you kidding me?) and then instead of communication, uses illness to dodge adulting. Which I get. Adulting is H-A-R-D. I’m a millennial snowflake. I would know. 😂
Being late isnt a symptom of narcissism. Especially if you were raised to always be late. At some point it becomes unconscion behavior and just needs to be address instead of abusing someone to make them a better person. Wtf is wrong with ppl. When some is raised in a way that others are not simply teaching someone to be better can work wonders. Not holding them back in life for not being taught what you were.
Very nice strategy. Avoiding judging means less reactive responses and conflicts. But, our time is important and habitual latecomers need to change. Is this a good idea - for a habitual latecomer set the time for meeting earlier than required, give or take 30 minutes (if this is normal time added on to the time allotted) increase it by 10 mins accordingly. It really tough not to point out the tardiness. It just seems like a person takes the other for granted. For sure, everyone has many things to do and events but planning to meet someone and being late every time has got to change. I actually implemented this approach on myself when arriving twice about 20 minutes late. The next time we arranged to meet, I made sure to be there 30 minutes earlier, bought her a drink and we got comfortable for the conversation. On the other hand, another person, who claims to have many things going on and because that individual kept postponing meetings for her own benefit, so gradually I cue her in to my responsibilities. Eventually, we just no longer met and I was okay with that. It could sometimes be really appreciating another's time and their value to the relationship?
Created by @MessyEssie
But there are people who'd think that we are being passive-aggressive when we say something like that
Created by @Zariel0
this is interesting but doesn’t really address the ongoing lateness of the friend so feels like extra information is needed while still keeping things polite
Wow! This seems right to me!