Approaching Conflict Resolution
Sometimes people get in conflict with one another or have disagreements.
When you get into a conflict with someone, approach the person that you have an issue with to try to resolve it with them first. If you feel safe and comfortable, then that is the best way to go. Here are some helpful guidelines for conflict resolution:
#1 Step back and slow down
- Avoid repeating unhelpful behaviors in conflicts.
- Habits can be changed through awareness.
- Think before you put your words across in order to avoid something that will escalate the conflict.
#2 Avoid blaming or changing another person's point of view.
#3 Avoid assumptions and ask questions to explore the other person's story
- Listen to the person on the opposite end as they will more likely try to understand you.
#4 Express your feelings without holding the other person accountable for the conflict
- Use I statements to express yourself.
- State a feeling rather than judging.
#5 Be responsible for your assumptions
- On the internet, messages can be interpreted in several ways. To think that your beliefs and conclusions about others are the truth, will only escalate the conflict.
- Share your interpretation of the messages received.
#6 Find a common ground
Reaching a common ground will make it easier to resolve the conflict and will diffuse defensiveness.
Refrain from engaging in triangulation:
Triangulation manifests itself in our community as one person who will not communicate directly with another person, and instead use a third person to relay communication to the second, thus forming a triangle. Triangulation is damaging because it interferes with healthy conflict-resolution and lends itself to rumor spreading by taking a private situation between two users and exposing it to more people.
A wise Mentor once said that triangulation is, most essentially, bringing a problem between two and adding that burden to a third. This forms a triangle between three parties that is incredibly tense. This is especially likely when that Listener knows and might be friends with the person you are venting about. Worst case scenario, your initial venting gets back to the person. Best case scenario, the Listener you are venting to doesn't know the person you are speaking about. However, the second that Listener comes across the Listener in question, there is unneeded tension, especially if they know that the issue hasn't come to a resolution.
If a listener wants to share with you a conflict they had with another listener, please say this to them-
"I am sorry this happened! Sounds like a challenging situation. As to avoid triangulation, it would be best for you to practice conflict resolution with that person. If conflict resolution is not possible, please let a community manager know by filing a L-L report. Please do not share this situation with other users as to preserve confidentiality."
It is obviously the decision of that person whether they engage the person they have tension with, but we should be encouraging of these interactions.
Special note: Triangulation needs to be avoided with all other users, including mentors, group mods, peer supporters, mentor leaders and ambassadors. Any time a situation cannot be worked out via conflict resolution, please file a L-L report.
Listener-Listener relationships are amazing things. We have observed them to be incredibly compassionate, beautiful aspects of the community here. We want to preserve that amazing connection that we build with one another. Inevitably, there will be times when someone may not agree with what you are doing or how you are doing it. The best we can do is be honest with one another, as skirting around the issue can have unintended consequences.
We need to remain on the side of love, by promoting kindness and compassion for one another. We are encouragers; so let's encourage one another to be honest, open, and to help each other grow into the best Listeners we can be.