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Active Listening - 7 Important Points

  1. Show them that we understand their situation or relate with it if we do. eg. "Yes, I do like myself less, too, when I get extremely angry without a reason."
  2. Absorb the meanings the member is expressing to you. Ask yourself to give your full attention to the member and to what they are saying to you. What are they succeeding in "getting at", or what are they trying to "get at"?
  3. When you express your tentative understanding, think of yourself as trying to check whether or not you have understood. Examples of introductory statements are "Is this right..?", or "Are you saying..?" or "Is this a correct understanding right now?...." or "I think I understand, is this what you mean?...". You might use an assertive form of introduction to your empathic response, although it should be in a tentative spirit, such as "You are feeling...." or "You want to....." or "You are telling me that...".
  4. In your responses that are intended to express the member's point of view, stay entirely within the frame of reference. Put aside any doubts or critical feelings about the member's statements and try to understand their point of view and feelings.
  5. Do not assume that you understood what the member has been expressing to you if you haven't. - simply say you haven't understood yet, and ask the member if they would repeat or say in a different way what they were expressing.
  6. Allow your member to initiate the next response after you make an empathic understanding response. Relax and give yourself and your member a chance to think and feel further to reflect upon the experiences that are being expressed between you. (In chat, you should make sure they know you are there listening to them and expecting a response)
  7. In general, try to orient yourself to the member as a whole person who, like yourself, lives, acts and reacts in a world centered in their own perceptions, motives and feelings and not as a complex of problems or symptoms.

Bonus Point: Clean language and use their own words: To avoid introducing a new potentially negative idea you want to avoid introducing new language into the conversation.

For example, if the member says "I'm frustrated with my job" and you reply "How long have you hated your job for?", your member might think "Wait..I don't hate my job..." or even worse "Oh my god they're right I hate my job, I am going to quit!", when it might not be the best course of action for them. It really blocks the conversational flow.

As another instance, your member says "Man I really want this magnificent job!" and you reply with "What about this good job do you want?". You want to keep the momentum going and use "magnificent" because it paints a much grander and larger picture than simply "good".

Original posts here and here by @Farheen and @Mumsy34, send them a thanks!