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7 Steps to Setting Family Boundaries

Creating health boundaries, we are showing respect for our needs and affirming our own self worth.
 

After all, when you feel better, you’ll be able to provide better care to others.

 

 

Step1

 

Understanding Boundaries: Are boundaries good and helpful, or are they bad and selfish?

 

  • Boundary lines define where I end and you begin.
  • There is a line which says this part is my space and to come into that you need permission.
  • Oftentimes these lines are blurred or not communicated very clearly, so people don’t see them and don’t know when they are overstepping them.
  • Boundaries make relationships better: When boundaries get crossed because they are not well defined or communicated, often we get angry and that’s what creates stress in relationships. When we clearly define boundaries and understand what ours are and what somebody else’s are, then the struggles and issues that we have in relationships often do not become present.

 

 

 

Step2

 

Identifying Boundaries

 

Review common boundaries and identify other boundaries that are important to you.

 

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Step3

 

How to Set A Boundary With a Family Member

 

While your family may be the focal point, you can start by focusing on all your boundary needs.
 

First, it’s important to reflect on exactly which boundary you want to set. If you have several boundaries in mind, that’s okay. However, it’s important to address only one boundary at a time.
 

Identify Exactly What’s Hurting You 

Most of the time, the need for boundaries comes from a place of disrespect. You must reflect on exactly what’s hurting you in the dynamic. Slow down, and consider the situation. Do you feel like the other person doesn’t respect your time? Your generosity? Your home? Try to hone in on the specific details ahead of time.

 

What is a boundary you would like to begin to set in your family relationships?

 

 

Step4

 

Identify Reasons We Don’t Set Boundaries
 

Identify a thought or emotion that you have about setting boundaries.

What can you do to address those feelings?

 

 

Step5

 

How To Create Personal Boundaries
 

Whatever you do, don't compromise your values, integrity, and self-respect simply to keep someone in your life.
 

Make a mind shift. Begin with the mind shift that having personal boundaries is OK. It doesn't mean you are selfish or unloving. It is both completely acceptable and absolutely necessary for healthy relationships.
 

Understand that self-worth comes from defining your life as you want it to be, not from the acceptance or identity of others.
 

Communicate your boundaries. Sit down with the people involved in crossing your personal boundaries and communicate your mind shift. Let them know you have spent some time thinking about what is important and acceptable to you and what isn't. Advise them how they have crossed your boundaries in the past, and ask them to respect and support your new boundaries.
 

Create a plan for times when someone crosses your boundaries. Let them know what they are doing. Ask them to stop immediately. Use consequences if necessary.
 

Believe in yourself. Believe in yourself and your value as a unique individual who is worthy of love and respect.
 

No one knows better than you who you are and what you desire. Don't allow others to define that for you. Practice self-confidence and self-love until it feels natural.
 

How do you feel about setting consequences?

What consequences can you set if someone crosses your new boundaries?

 

 

Step6

 

Toxic Family Members and Self Care

 

Describe toxic behavior traits within your family and reflect on how those traits affect your well being.

 

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What are some toxic activities or traits a family member might display?

How does their toxic behavior make you feel?

How do you care for your own well being after interacting with a toxic family member?

 
Self Care
 

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What are your favorite forms or methods of self care?

 

 

Step7

 

How do you let other people know about your boundaries in a kind, considerate, respectable and firm way?

 

Set Powerful Boundaries with this Simple Phrase: That doesn't work for me.

 

 
What other words or phrases can you use to clearly state your boundaries?

How do you feel about applying the words or phrases to reinforce your boundaries?

 

After all, when you feel better, you’ll be able to provide better care to others.

 

 

 

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