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What do I do?

by creamferret

Wednesday

...See more I'm not sure if I posted another one earlier, if didn't pop up but I just wanted to let everything that has been weighing on my mind now. My parents used violence to discipline me as a child, as young as when I was just in daycare, I still vividly remember my dad hitting me when I was around 4, it was traumatizing to recap on. Well, earlier, my mom kicked my stomach (which hurts since like yesterday cause of some issues with digestion??) and made me choke on a wet towel she uses for wiping out counters and table, cause I asked her if we were gonna do the project (which involves parents) since I need to pass it. Well, I don't know why but she found it offensive and started scolding me, saying on how they put me in a prestigious school on a scholarship and yet in still acting like a brat. She went on and hit me a few times, doing it again if I tried screaming for help. She calmed down for a while and asked me fro an apology, which I said "why would I apologize first when you're the one who hit me?" And she said "who taught you that? Your teachers?" And she started to subtly insult them which I don't support for obvious reasons. I can't tell it to my relatives either because for all I know, they won't believe me, especially my uncle. He saw what my parents would do to me and he wouldn't even stand up to protect me, not to mention his gluttony made him eat most of the foods I stock up when things turn for the worst (which is when my parents scold me and starve me) She's now trying to starve me of some sorts and did not try to take on an apology. I'm sorry if my rant is too long and if it is missing some details, which I don't really remember anything else considering I'm bawling my eyes out rn. I'll try to report this to my school the next time I have a chance to do so.

Having an issues

by SweetSugarBoost

Wednesday

The Importance of Family

by delightfulUnicorn38

Tuesday

family and holidays

by delightfulUnicorn38

Tuesday

Caregiving ups and downs

by CDanielle

Sunday

Is it me?

by Kiara328

December 12th

Dealing with disappointment towards a mother

by energeticPrune260

December 9th

...See more My mother has been in an on-and-off relationship for years. At first, I was happy for her since she had been single for a long time before meeting him. I overlooked the fact that he didn't seem like a responsible person; he had been in jail for driving under the influence, and it was suspicious that there were times when I didn't see him for days or even weeks. I minimized the situation, telling myself that his job required him to be away sometimes. However, that was not the case. My mother and I discovered that he was living with another woman to whom he was giving money instead of paying child support for his child. We found this out when the woman showed up at our house one day looking for him, mistakenly thinking he lived alone. We find out about the latter, when we received a letter from the police department or the court notifying us that he was not paying child support. After some time, he continued to go back to this other woman, and my mother's mother-in-law even advised her to leave his belongings at that woman's house. My mother considered ending the relationship, but in the end, she didn't. He returned after serving time in jail for hitting that woman. She believed he wouldn't come back to her, so she allowed him to stay at our place. However, after the other woman came looking for him twice and after multiple fights between my mother and him, she finally took his belongings and left them at that woman's house. Even though she remained in contact with him instead of blocking him like I suggested, I held onto the hope that I wouldn’t have to see him again. Unfortunately, that hope didn't last long. Months later, he knocked on our door late at night while my mother was sleeping because she had work the next day. She woke up and came to my room to tell me it was him and asked me to open the door. I was infuriated with her because I wanted her to ignore him or tell him that if he didn't leave, she would call the police. I refused to open the door, which led her to go and open it herself. I am once again disappointed in her. After years of being in this situation, she still doesn’t listen to anyone. I wish she had more self-respect and could stand up for herself, but I don’t think that will ever happen because she has always been the type of person to let others walk over her without taking action. I don't know how to cope with watching someone I care about treat herself like this.

Family

by PeggyMeghan111

December 4th

Are we done?

by cc415

December 1st

...See more As I am typing this, I am laying in my childhood bed at my parents' house with my daughter sleeping in a playpen beside me. How have I let my husband bully me into thinking we are the ones that need to leave our home? This is definitely not where I pictured myself at nearly 30 years old. I feel like I don't even know who I married anymore. The words he said right before I left with our dogs and daughter keep echoing in my ears, "I think we are done, we are just not working out." What the actual f***? My heart is racing. This man who I devoted 7+ years to and have a 1+ year old daughter with thinks he can just up and decide we are done after we moved into a new house 2 weeks ago? What am I missing here? Just before I decided on leaving and spending the night elsewhere, we got home from a Christmas Tree Farm . What did he say as we parked in the garage? He said "This was a *** day." Are we done? I didn't think after 5 years of being together and 2+ years of marriage we would be calling it quits so soon, but maybe we are done? Maybe I am done? For additional context, right before this, we were talking about jobs I am applying for. I had to resign from my previous position due to health issues that required a major abdominal surgery a few months ago. Our daughter is in daycare two days a week starting a couple of months ago, but she has gotten sick twice already in the last two months so that means she has been home sick with me every other two weeks for the past two months. We are fortunate to have a subsidy for childcare, but that only lasts if I am able to find a 30+ hour position by the end of this month. I have a PhD and I haven't been able to land a role yet after job hunting for 3 months with some of my job hunting time being impacted by our daughter being ill. I have contract work coming up, but it doesn't start until late January/early February. I am not a stranger to service positions, so I am going to apply to some I have had my eye on; they have flexible working hours so I can still take care of our daughter the days she is not in daycare. I had mentioned applying to the service role many months ago to my husband and he was less than supportive saying things like, " you should be able to do better. " On top of all this negativity, since our daughter was born, he has been glued to his phone. I have mentioned that it bothers me how often he is on his phone while he is supposed to be bonding and spending time with our daughter. He couldn't even put his phone down for 5 minutes today to watch her while I dug my boots out of a moving box. In those 5 minutes, she managed to drench her only holiday outfit in dog bowl water because he was too busy watching a YouTube video. Her only holiday outfit was drenched right before we were going to take family photos all because he couldn't put his phone down for 5 minutes. My husband's occupation is stressful, the hours are long and unpredictable, but I am tired of it being his excuse for not being present for our daughter, being unsupportive towards me, and the root of his pessimistic attitude. These past few months he appears withdrawn, depressed, and just unhappy. I have been working on myself by talking to my personal therapist for the past few months every other week. Meanwhile he hasn't talked to his own counselor for at least 6 months, with no excuse or reason. It feels like he doesn't want to put the effort in anymore. He even tried helping me pack my bag as I left the house with our daughter and dogs as if to say "good riddance." Is this the end of our marriage? Maybe? I think I personally might be done. How do I take a stand? Is it too late? I never wanted this life for our daughter.

I don’t know what to do

by brightIdea8924

November 30th

...See more I feel completely lost. I have been with my husband for 10 years and we had our first baby girl last year. He was always affectionate and loving until we got married and it's like a switch turned in him and he has become lazy and only seems to care about himself. I have moved all over the country for him for his work which I enjoyed but it's also made it very difficult to make friends and when we had our daughter that became clear that I was completely alone. He didn't want to get up when I told him I needed help in the morning (I'm talking 9am not 3 am) even thought he doctors told me to take it easy from a complication I still did all of the laundry, dishes and cleaning. Things have only gotten worse. He is now in school so he switched to a part time job. I will give him that he worked until 11 some nights and has school from 9-3 4 days a week. But I work a full time job while being the primary care taker for out child and I picked up and extra job a few days a week plus donate plasma for some extra cash. I still do all of the household work even if he is home he doesn't even offer to help, like he will watch me do the dishes and go into the living room and each Tv. That's all he seems to do if he is home is sit on the *** couch and watch TV. If I need him to watch the baby bc I am working or something he sits and watched tv vs playing with her and then gets annoyed when she cry's at all. If I try to bring any of this up it's always a "my like is harder, I'm busy, I'm never home, ets" there is always some excise about how my life is so much easier than his. This is what really got me and I know it is so selfish but I got him a Christmas gift he has always wanted off of fb marketplace. Since we are struggling for money a little while he is in school I made sure to save up some cash and it was about 60$. My parents are always very generous at Christmas and always very generous at Christmas and asked what we wanted and I was so excited because I never get gifts and was excited to have something new but he decided we will need money (which we do since we have some unexpected medical bills coming up) so now we are just getting cash for Xmas. This would be fine and I know it's selfish but now I guess that means he isn't getting me a gift either. I always try to get him really meaningful and useful gifts and I have gotten nothing. Last Xmas he just got me a visa gift card bc he "didn't know what I would want". I also found out he is spending money on juuls and he does not think I know but like I said I do the cleaning so I find them and he has the charger in his backpack. I just don't feel any kind of love or affection from him at all and when I try to tell him that he gets annoyed. Like all he cares about is football and complaining about whatever he saw on the internet. If I try to tell him something he changes the coco back to what he was saying and if I don't pay 100% attention to him then I'm the bad guy and it turns into a fight. Thave no one to talk to or hang out with and I am just so lost.

Vent and feeling negative for a while since my dad's talk around 2 nights ago

by SilencedConstrained

November 28th

...See more Vent: My dad is 65 years old and day by day, his mental process of thinking and comprehending is decreasing, more easily irritated and it would only get worse as he grows older. For example, he sometimes forget that he had already heated up the water for my shower and that I already showered, so he would heat up the water again and tell me to take a bath to which I had to after reminding him because saying no would anger him, plus, the already boiled water would be a waste. One day, my dad was asking me whether if I want <Meal A> or <Meal B> from a fast food restaurant we occasionally order from, so I answered with <Meal A> and said to him that <Meal A> has more meat than <Meal B> (with the purpose to give him an analytical information of which one is better to me). My dad replied "So which one you want!?" to which I answered with "<Meal A>" and then he said "Why did you have to say such nonsense?!" and he was in a bad mood for the whole day and waited for my mom to come back home because he planned to use her as an emotional punching bag (I believe what I said about <Meal A> having more meat is an analytical information and the intent is easily comprehensible, is it not? Am I wrong?). A meal is never delicious when I'm experiencing negative emotions such as anger or sadness, that have been internally experienced many times, but I still have to eat and finish the meal, otherwise, my dad will get more angry. I still remember which areas he smack me at, the most is the back of my neck, I keep feeling the urge to tear off the skin of that place to remove the emotional 'mark'. I don't even trust his praises anymore because one time on a day which I still remember clearly, I helped to give him a drink, the amount is a half cup of water, I wasn't certain if the measure of the half cup of water I gave is correct or not, but he did a hum of approval and said "Good" when he saw the contents of the cup, so I ingrained that moment in my mind in order to remember that same amount to be correct and not be scolded for forgetting. But three days after, when I did the same amount, he scolded, angrily remarking and whining that "It's little" and then I argued back, saying that this is the amount I remembered that he said was good to which he answered "Ah, maybe I said that to save your face!" (to clarify it means that "He maybe did not want me feel shame at that time"), this made me feel resentful and anger due to feeling that my attempt to remember what was 'correct' from his seemingly approval was a lie, but at same time worthless especially when I heard him whispering "stupid" and when he said "I've learned something. I don't need your help anymore. I do it myself because you're stupid." My Dad's Talk: Around 2 nights ago, he was talking about how a <specific nation> is superior, being smarter and hard-working than others which holds truth because that nation have commendable achievements. (For confidential reasons, I won't reveal what is that specific nation, but I'll highlight it as <specific nation>). I am a half-blood of a nation from my mom's blood which what he calls a <stupid, 3rd-level nation> and <specific nation> from my dad's blood. But the traits of the <stupid, 3rd-level nation> is more dominant in my personality. After he finished talking about the <specific nation>, he then talks about the future of the <stupid, 3rd-level nation>, how the people future will become barbarians due to the management and the corruption and that there's no future for it, calling the people to be useless with low IQ which made feel me depressed because I view that since I have the blood and traits, that he constantly points out, of the <stupid, 3rd-level nation>, I'll also be stupid and useless as well, I have no future nor will I achieve improvement especially with my clumsiness and the amount of mistakes I have. I simply sit and quietly listen to him, not doing anything else since to show I'm paying attention and don't want to be rude despite his topic affecting me negatively which is ironic since sometimes when I'M the one who talks about negative topics that I find interesting, he yelled at me to "SHUT UP!" which emotionally hurts me a lot. He gets to show his negative emotions as much as he wants while I'm not allowed to express my emotions at all like when I cry, he tells me "to stop crying, I don't like that." with no comfort such as hugs. My mom is more better in emotional support than him. "Failure is the mother of success" Is what I seen constantly online, what my father said once and it seems to be the truth. But how can I accept my mistakes with ease when my father's attitude towards my mistakes is like he's condemning me, making angry shouts and whines with that negative expression of his and calls me insults, saying swear words in his native language? I have a language exchange partner, and to me, I love how she tries to understand my psychology, my interests, being a listener and lets me talk what I feel like talking about which my dad lacks. The problem is that it's possible she may be a spy or a manipulator. Oh... But I wish I would have a genuine friend like that who isn't a manipulator... I feel scared, maybe anxious whenever my dad is in a very bad mood and if he's constantly irritated, and we stay together everyday 24/7. I feel it's the wrong time to leave him, and I think the best time to leave is after he passed away from old age which is still a long time. My mom goes to work everyday except her day offs, I'm not allowed to go out at all if my dad don't permit it. I always seemed to have something negative to say about my dad every month. I don't have much people to talk to online, most of my language exchange partners seems to like casual things and doesn't have the tolerance to handle my negative moments. Fortunately, I don't get triggered as much as I did compared to the time when my dad started to have physical balance issues, but I would go into an impulsive outburst from time to time, it's rare, but it's still possible.

Struggling with Siblings

by SweetSugarBoost

November 24th

...See more Quick backstory, I'm a college student and the oldest out of my siblings. My parents are more old-fashioned and don't do well with emotions. My dad works a 8-5 shift and my mom is a registered nurse that works night shifts. My two brothers has ADHD (18 - ADHD and 11 - ADD) and my sister is 12 (going through a heavy flow of emotions + hormones, since she's aging). With that, I have been just doing college and trying to help my parents with my siblings + keeping them on top of their school. As well as their things, I usually just tell my mom how things are going and more. I've recently been having a hard time working with my 12 year old sister and 18 year old brother. My sister has been lacking behind in her class, so I try to help her with her homework and add in bits of practice. I have no clue how to help her not do I want to assume that she may have ADHD. She is smart and can do thing, she just lacks motivation. If nothing is too her benefit nor liking, she won't do it properly or in general. I do try to help her manage her workload by dividing it and setting timers for her for breaks + when to work, since she's easily overwhelmed. Thing is that she won't focus in on it and wind up staying way later trying to do her own things. I try to tell her there are times to do that and times not, especially telling her to be open with me. My base plan isn't helping, but she doesn't quite want to tell me if she does or doesn't like certain parts of it. I wind up getting frustrated myself and telling her "Well, I don't know how to help if you don't tell me." This causes her to get very emotional and upset, then she winds up self-harming. The same about goes for my 18 year old brother. I know he gets overwhelmed easily and needs his own breaks, but he'll literally stay up in his room for about the whole day after I pick him up from school. He doesn't have the patience to help me either with my siblings and would get upset when they don't listen to him. His tone is especially rough and he gets easily frustrated. Then, he'd especially get mad when we remind him of his chores (everyone is assigned 1-3 to help with around the house). He is very prideful and stubborn himself in his ways, refusing to ask for help. Like I am literally the last option for emergencies if all of his plans don't work. He struggles with expressing his emotions as well and wind up self-harming, too. Recently, he was diagnosed with depression along with his ADHD. I'm just feeling stuck at this rate and it doesn't help when my parents aren't well with emotions with them. Both of my 12 year old sister and 18 year old brother has major beef with my dad. It's due to the way he is with messing around with them, shoving expectations on them that he can't meet himself (we all see it, but him), and making things seem simple when there's more to it. He's very stubborn in his ways and thinks everything he's doing is right and nothing wrong with it. Then, my mom is our breadwinner and at her wit's end herself. Always tired and planning, so I don't expect much from her. This whole thing has me frustrated and overwhelmed because I don't know how much more direct I need to be. Like I try to be open and help, but I don't know how to help when they genuinely don't say anything nor want to. It makes me feel like I'm asking for too much and can't even ask for anything. Like, I'm about ready to give up and say "Well, it's not my problem and I shouldn't care.", but I can't do that because they're my family and I'll be lying to myself. If I suggest family consulting, I know my dad for sure won't want it at all. What do I even do now? Where do I even start?

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