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Reliving Traumatic past
by SOFFY9
Last post
 Sunday
...See more IS THERE A WAY OUT? For the first time ever, I ended up speaking about my traumatic past to a friend a few days ago, (unplanned) which made me realized that in fact it's not a past, and I'm just trying to act cool. It still hurts and it's even more frustrating that I'm not out of it and I can't get out of it and it's never ending. I'm very very exhausted by the thought of that person, I don't wanna be her in sight, I want her away from my life. But I have no power to do this, I feel trapped in a hole. In fact, my whole life feels like a trap with this person in it. She literally raised me from the age of 12, (I'm currently 19) so how is it possible to be out of it, she's seen like my second mum. Being a last born, nobody took me for real and they never will, "she just lacks tolerance, just endure it" that's what they say, while I was slowly running insane and losing myself. Even tho there were signs, my family will rather blame things on me than think that my sister might be doing something wrong. My performances dropped, I quickly went from an excellent kid to an average kid my first few months living with her. I became the kid that doesn't like to eat, even tho my sister is capable of feeding me whatever I wish to eat. I lived everyday of my life, 2017-2021, in constant fear of the person I lived with which is my big sis (firstborn) it was as if i didn't exist before then, those 4 years feels like my whole life span, I'm still living there. I have no memory of who I was before 12. She scares the life out of me. I had to endure everyday telling myself that I'll be fine once I'm out of that place and I did enter university but that doesn't cut it. I thought that would be the end, but here I am again. Moreso, she's just a call away. I'm the girl that hates closing hours during secondary school cos I don't wanna be home, I'm the girl that hates Fridays because we don't go to school on weekends and I'll always be the first one to agreed to a weekend lesson whenever a teacher suggested it. And even now, I don't wanna be home during semester breaks, I'll be resuming my 4th year next month and my course is 5 years, the thought of graduating is beautiful but also saddening. I'll no longer have my space and I'll have to go back home. I'm just a last born, a soft girl apparently, so I can't even make the decision of not going back home after graduation. Is there anything I can do? To relieve my chest? Is there anything I can do to relieve myself from this nightmare of a person? I didn't have anyone to tend to me as much as I craved growing up, several times I wished someone asked me if I was okay and tried to get me out of that place but no one did and no one will. Everything my sis has ever done for me only burdens my soul. I'm never truly excited by the thing she has done for me, I just put on that face to make her feel appreciated. I rather feel frustrated and guilty to have her take care of my needs. What could I have done?. Nobody knows how uncomfortable it is being around her, how terrifying is her voice and how sharp her words is. I'm overwhelmed by the thought of her yet again, cos we started to seem close, and that is because we recently had an issue which kept us out of contact with each other, tho those periods were very peaceful for me but my family won't watch that go on. Out of sight, out of mind right? I'm terribly stucked in a life that I don't wanna live. The only place I am myself and free is my self-contained room(hostel). I considered myself very brave cos I still go home during semester breaks, tho I always rush back to school, lying that we resumed already. Even tho the most I've spent during those breaks is just 3 weeks, it usually feels like forever. I have to be mentally, thoroughly and physically prepared when going home cos I know it's never going to be nice. To spoil it all, this person is still the same, she's one who doesn't care about what she says to me. She speaks whatever she wants and say it however she wants. She is the older one(34y.o) ofc my feelings won't matter, once I'm physically well. I'm from that kind of family. I wanted to disappear many times but I'm not capable of doing that, I can't even financially be responsible for myself. It doesn't matter how many times she hurt me whether in the past, in the present or future, I dare not say a word or feel a thing cos I shouldn't have existed.
Self care for the caregiver
by delightfulUnicorn38
Last post
 Friday
...See more    The caregiver is a person who takes a duty to support someone by doing common tasks like  daily help in nutrition, cleaning, physical moving,  taking responsibility of managing the health care of the supported relative, Handle finances and other legal matters; and  Being a companion. the act of providing at-home care for a relative for the long term can bring stress or lead to burnout, especially when the caregiver lacks training and support . self-care can reduce the stress  and avoid burnout  by setting boundaries, joining to support group, getting trained, taking time for own wellness, practicing self-compassion .
The Importance of Family
by delightfulUnicorn38
Last post
 November 12th
...See more               Everyone grown up in a family knows in their deep heart what can offer to him, lucky people have happy stable family, even an unhappy family was important too for those reasons  offering unconditional love for being a member of a family you don't need to prove anything, gives you strength and support to face difficulties, providing companionship and a sense of belonging, helps you build self-esteem; gives you a sense of security and stability, and Family teaches you moral values far away from home, the first thing you will miss is your family .                                     
Empowering Caregivers
by PeaceLoveandPaws
Last post
 November 11th
...See more While caring for a loved one can be very rewarding, it also involves many stressors. And since caregiving is often a long-term challenge, the emotional impact can snowball over time. If the stress of caregiving is left unchecked, it can take a toll on your health, relationships, and state of mind—eventually leading to burnout, a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion. That’s why taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. Feeling powerless is the number one contributor to burnout and depression. And it’s an easy trap to fall into as a caregiver. But no matter the situation, you aren’t powerless. This is especially true when it comes to your state of mind. You can’t always get the extra time, money, or physical assistance you’d like, but you can always get more happiness and hope through empowerment. * Practice acceptance. When faced with the unfairness of a loved one’s illness or the burden of caregiving, there’s often a need to make sense of the situation and ask “Why?” But you can spend a tremendous amount of energy dwelling on things you can’t change and for which there are no clear answers. * Focus on the things you can control. You can’t wish for more hours in the day or force your brother to help out more. Rather than stressing out over things you can’t control, focus on how you choose to react to problems. * Celebrate the small victories. If you start to feel discouraged, remind yourself that all your efforts matter. You don’t have to cure your loved one’s illness to make a difference. Don’t underestimate the importance of making your loved one feel more safe, comfortable, and loved! *Applaud your own efforts. Find ways to acknowledge and reward yourself. Remind yourself of how much you are helping. If you need something more concrete, try making a list of all the ways your caregiving is making a difference. (Source: Caregiver Stress and Burnout - HelpGuide.org: www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/caregiver-stress-and-burnout.htm#:~:text=%20Avoid%20caregiver%20burnout%20by%20feeling%20empowered%20,to%20feel%20discouraged%2C%20remind%20yourself%20that...%20More%20 [http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/caregiver-stress-and-burnout.htm#:~:text=%20Avoid%20caregiver%20burnout%20by%20feeling%20empowered%20,to%20feel%20discouraged%2C%20remind%20yourself%20that...%20More%20]) What are some signs of caregiver burnout? What small victory have you acomplished today? Please share your story! Why might acceptance be helpful in a caregiver's journey? Don’t forget to join the Family and Caregivers community taglist to join in the fun and games. Click HERE [https://www.7cups.com/forum/FamilyCaregiverSupport_191/WelcomesIntroductionsIcebreakersGames_310/NewTaglistFamilyCaregiversSubCommunity_229656/] Learn about opportunities to join our leadership team and check out our help-wanted post H [https://www.7cups.com/forum/FamilyCaregiverSupport_191/FamilyandCaregiversLeadershipTeam_1735/HelpWantedforFamilyCaregivers_228061]ERE [https://www.7cups.com/forum/FamilyCaregiverSupport_191/FamilyandCaregiversLeadershipTeam_1735/HelpWantedforFamilyCaregivers_228061/]
Update on Family Conflict
by wandamx26
Last post
 November 10th
...See more So I am having dinner with my dad and his cousins again a week after we had my grandma's funeral. However, my mom and brother want me to do something secret. You see my dad is going to divorce my mom and he is no longer on speaking terms with her and my brother. So my brother is slipping a note to one of his cousins to tell her what is going on and I have to be the one to deliver it. I am having so much anxiety because I am worried she is going to tell the rest of the family and my dad will unalive me for just being the messenger. I don't think he wants the rest of the family to know about the divorce until it is finalized. But I can't be choosing sides when it comes to this. 
Feeling low
by yeshu
Last post
 November 10th
...See more Never got to experience care and love in the family, rather treated as a robot or some other machine who does things that they want to. With a *** up family where one doesn't trust each other but pays heed to other people's negative opinions about the other person. Thought let's try get a life partner whom I could share my thoughts. But I was bought up like in a cage that it is not possible to sociallise easily, and guess what even no one even shows me any intrest in dating apps also.
Hugs to All Caregivers
by persistentBlackberry6457
Last post
 November 7th
...See more To all of you who feel burned out, underappreciated, like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders- I hear you and so do so many others. Thank you- now go and give yourself a treat, do something you love. Give yourself the care that you give others. Best wishes!
October Activity Calendar - Enjoy the Fun!
by Havingfuninthesnow
Last post
 November 7th
...See more I thought this would be fun to do. So sharing it with all of you. We are all big kids at hart and those that have kids or older adults can do these also. Tag your friends and enjoy in the fun!
Appreciating Caregivers
by Hope
Last post
 October 31st
...See more Hi everyone! I hope you are well. Being a caregiver can be quite an underappreciated role. Sometimes there is no income, other times it pays less, but regardless of what kind of role you are in, caregiving can feel like a thankless job. If you are a caregiver or have worked with one. What do you think is the best way to acknowledge and apprciate the efforts of a caregiver?
Considering cutting off untreated BPD mother
by Anxiouskitten23
Last post
 October 26th
...See more My mother has untreated BPD (for many years but I’ve only been able to work it out after I went into therapy 4 years ago). She has frequent episodes where she has an outburst either in person or over text, blaming me and my sibling for all of her problems, she says the most hurtful and insensitive things, and then when she’s done, she’ll pretend as if nothing happened the next day and expect us to carry on as usual…She has refused therapy or medication and thinks therapists are scam artists. She sees herself as the victim and blames everybody else for her problems…  When I was living with her I had no option but to ride this emotionally unstable wave with her and it’s had a deep impact on my mental health too to the extent that I was showing some BPD symptoms too along with ADHD and chronic anxiety…I’ve worked on this for 4 years in therapy and am able to lead a more or less “normal”life on most days.. I have a supportive partner who understands and is with me on my journey… I moved to a different country 4 years ago and started a new life there, but I’m back now for a bit to meet with my friends and family and introduce them to my baby.  Only this time I chose to live in a separate place and not with my mother. This has upset her and in her latest outburst she’s accused me of causing her heartache and sleepless nights and extreme stress…  as a mother now, I find it to be my responsibility to be a good mother to my son by managing my emotions, being emotionally stable and looking after my mental health in order to show up for my baby… but having a relationship with my mother is not letting that happen… i am considering cutting off from her as every interaction with her now is extremely draining and if I continue, I will only be spending more and more time in therapy to deal with it all…  My sibling and I don’t openly talk about my mothers condition to friends and family because we want to protect her reputation as we come from a culture that frowns upon speaking ill of your parents…But it’s becoming a big burden now… I feel terribly guilty and ashamed even by the thought of it. But something needs to change if I have to break this cycle and protect my child from this…  Any advice or personal experiences would be really appreciated, thank you so much. 
Is it okay to want space from your family?
by MysteriouslyFound1893
Last post
 October 13th
...See more Is it okay if on most days I need space from my parents? Is it okay if on most days I just need the affection and acknowledgement? It is okay if on most days I want to just be away from this place, anywhere but here?
Parents Arent There (Triggering)
by ItsPreeti
Last post
 October 13th
...See more We keep seeing Öh mother but some of us never had good memories with our mother/father. We had parents but not in actual-so we dont miss them when gone . Share your note what you would like to say to your parent/parents. Whether its stressed out or caring doesnt matter-share it . A note to a parent which you felt must have been understood . And incase you loved them-share that note too. 

Family & Caregivers

Welcome to Family & Caregivers! This is a supportive space to share your thoughts and experiences.

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other,”  Richard Bach.

 

What are the different forum topics for Family & Caregivers?

Community Space: A place for introductions, icebreakers, games, community check-ins and discussions.

Family Relationships: A place for you to discuss all things relating to family relationships.

Support for Caregivers: Are you a caregiver? Get support and guidance here!

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You can help us by simply responding to threads and sharing your story (if you're comfortable). Check-in with us, join a discussion, or start one! Alternatively, you can join us as a Forum Leader. Check out this thread for more information.

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 Family & Caregivers FAQ

Q: Are there any sub-community-specific guidelines that we need to adhere to?

A: You can find Sub-community-specific guidelines below, which you should follow in addition to the general forum guidelines.

 Help! I still have a question! 

If you need help, feel free to contact a community leader or post here, and someone will contact you!


Community Guidelines

Guidelines Specific to Family Support Community

1) Be polite, and non-judgmental - Everyone has a different idea of what a "family".  No two families are alike, so please be open-minded and supportive to everyone who shares here. 

2) Please use appropriate language for all ages - This community supports both teens and adults.  Curse/cuss words will be removed from posts.  

3) Some topics may be triggering - If you find a topic here triggering please step away and take a moment of self-care. We try to be inclusive and discuss a wide variety of topics so there will be something for everyone.

4) read  the 7 Cups Forum Guidelines before sending your post  

 

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