Trying to be better
Hey everyone, I'm Candi. I found 7 cups while doing research on support groups. I am wanting to connect with others to help through my grief and my problems opening up emotionally to others. I recently had a relationship of 3 years end because instead of opening up with my guy, I emotionally connected to someone else over the loss of my grandpa. The emotional connection turned into a flirtatious connection. Despite nothing physical ever happening, the communication alone destroyed my relationship. My ex has been incredibily supportive even though I have broken his heart. He has agreed to continuing an open communication line to insure that I will be okay and find the help that I need. He doesn't have to do that after what I have done. He is so strong and I appreciate him so much.
I am on here to get myself better but also to repair the friendship that our relationship was built on and to be a better version of the woman he fell in love with.
Thank you
It has been 2 days since my first post. In that post I explained why I was here. Today, I want to explain some of the things that I have learned.
I have learned that before you speak, make a decision, etc, you need to breathe. When the breathing exercise has relaxed you, your mind is clearer and is more capable of using the right words or making the correct decision. I have always acted before thinking. I have tried to remove this behavior from myself, but I am constantly slipping back into that habit. I get that it is a learning process.
I have created a goal of trying to take a moment, breathe and then respond or decide. I am going to give this a try to night if I am able to talk to him. I am in hopes that the breathing exercise will help me respond more openly and more honestly when discussing my feelings to him. Hopefully, I will be able to post positively about this.
@candicorn87 That's a great realization to have made. I've always believed any, every and all decisions are best made from a place of calmness, no matter the situation or context.
Martial arts taught me this, as well as certain extreme sports, and the extreme life experiences I've endured.
It's a great tip as well to focus on breathing before speaking. I hadn't thought of that. Thanks
Today I was doing the grief exercise from the self help guides. I didn't think about my answers, I just put them down and then when I was finished I read them. I was surprised but not surprised that I still continue to blame myself for my grandpa passing. I was an RT, I knew the signs of a stroke and I didn't take him to the hospital right away. It was after a 12 hour shift and I was tired, I never put the signs and my knowledge together.
For the last 2 years, I have subconciously been blaming myself and I need to learn that it wasn't my fault. I need to accept that it was his time and even if I had noticed the stroke signs sooner, the outcome would still have been the same.
It was the guilt exerciese through the grief self help guide.. my correction
@candicorn87
@candicorn87
@candicorn87
@candicorn87
@candicorn87
@candicorn87 Have you heard of the five stages of grief? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. I believe this applies to break-ups too. Understanding this has helped me through both.
Today, I took a big step. I asked him for his help. He hasn't said yes or no yet, and I realize that I have to accept his answer either way. I will respect his decision depsite how much it may hurt. The important thing is that I had the courage to ask.
Feeling okay. Last night, he came over to bring me some things and to talk. We had some up and down moments during our talk, but I am happy to say that we left each other smiling. I am very hopeful that things will work out in the end whether we will be friends or if we will be in a relationship. Either way, he will be in my life which is a very satisfying feeling.
@candicorn87
Hi! Just wanted to tell you that I read what you've been writing here and I think you're doing a very nice job of insight and keeping up with your emotions and thoughts, I think it's very useful to write down updates all the time about our situation as you did here. Wishing you all the best!
@RinaP
Thank you. I find it difficult at times, but it is a necessity for my wellbeing and a reminder of my goal when I start to feel lost.
Currently working up the courage to ask him if we can hang out. If I ask him and he says no I will respect that. If I ask him and he says yes with stipulations, I will be overjoyed and accepting.
breathe breathe breathe ask breathe
WOOHOO!!! Completed 49 steps on my growth path. It feels like such an accomplishment. I can't wait to share with him all the progress I have made.
Feeling pretty good right now!!!!!! Him and I just had a 3 hour conversation. It put a stop to a lot of my fears for the time being. I am not saying that they aren't there still, but right now they are not at the top of the list. We talked about where we are and what we are. Right now we are ourselves, not an us, we both agree on this. We talked about maybe catching dinner together in a couple of weeks...it is a possiblity.
I am not trying to get my hopes too high, but right now I am smiling and that makes me proud of myself and of him for sticking through this when he could have easily cut all ties. I am proud of the progress I have made and am excited to keep moving forward in my journey back to becoming me and eventually an us.
@candicorn87 Glad to hear you are making progress
New day, new week. Possibly new job this week, well not exactly new. May be getting a job with a company I have worked with before. Good news!
This mornng though I woke up wondering if I lose even one day of conversation with him, does that mean my chances have decreased on repairing it. I am curious because in the relationship, within 3 years we had only spent 5 days apart. Since this breakup is the most we have been apart since meeting each other, but we still talk everyday. I wonder if I am overthinking or worrying about something that is nonexistant.
So I took a big step tonight. I asked him to have dinner with me in a couple of weeks. He's thinking about it which is better than a flat out no. However, my dad thinks I am rushing him. I had to explain, that he rather me say, ask, explain whether than not open up at all. He always told me and still tells me to this day, all you can do is speak and respect the response. He tried for 3 years to get me open up to him like this and now that I am, I am getting criticism from outside the circle of situation. It is a bit frustrating that my dad, who said I am staying out of this, keeps making comments that he calls suggestions to me.
All that matters is I am being open for myself and I am not feeling judged or shameful when I open up to him as often as I was.
I will be seeing him today. I find myself becoming more and more nervous as it gets closer to the time. Now, it isn't a seeing him to hang out or go on a date thing...I wish it was, but I have to get a few things from the apartment so I can start work this week. But hey, it is still seeing him and spending some time with him which is better than nothing.
I am excited to get back to working, I have missed it so much. It will provide more chances to be able to do things outside of the house. Like hopefully that dinner I asked him on in a couple of weeks. With everything going on, I don't know about eating in a restaurant, but hey, we can grab chipotle and go to the park.
I'll keep ya posted