Need to talk?

@Waceykinz

welcome

feel free to pm at any time i ll be happy to have you

Welcome, Always wonderful to see new listeners and people helping such a wonderful community thank you x

I want to leave my husband, and I dont know why now all of a sudden it seems like I have to do it or I will be unhappy forever. Ive been with him for almslt 6 years married 3 and we have a house, cars, two wonderful children, 2 dogs and a cat. Our life looks and is mostly perfect. Back tracking for a moment, I met him young and instantly fell in love. I knew I would marry him, here is the crazy thing though.. he used to be extremely mean to me and hurt me constantly and I was stupid to keep going back. One day after I left him before we were married just living together with our small child he decided to stop drinking. He has never laid a hand on me since, but then started controlling my life. I left again because I was leaving me to do all the house work, and the kids, and spending time with his friends and not us. He smokes weed and has a medical card for that, but would constantly have people over during lunch breaks and after world EVERYDAY. I told him I was not okay with that, so he went a month and was great but went back to the same habits so I left again this time with intentions to divorce him. He had a girl and her son living with him basically while I was gone within 2 weeks of me leaving, refused to see our kids but for a few hours out 3 days that month and even only asked for our oldest daughter because the new girls son and our two daughters would be to much for him. I went back. Things are better besides him still not doing housework, and him getting mad at me for not wanting to do extreme mountain biking with him after he gets off work everyday. I compromise with taking the kids to the park or something of that nature and he still seems not satisfied. Note I also work 3rd shift full time, and Im starting college online in the next few weeks. I am miserable and I feel guilty about that. I feel I dont really have a reason to be and every time I talk about it and one minute he is in agreement and we have a joint custody plan the next he makes me feel bad and I dont want to talk about it or bring it up again.. Im planning on just leaving a note and taking what I can in the few trips I could within his work hours.. I just needed to vent and get that off my chest. I do seek therapy and I come out confident but usually get back to this unsure and not knowing what to do phase. Hes not a bad dad when hes watching the kids or playing with them but I am with our children almslt always and so it gives me extreme amounts of anxiety even when I go to work so I cant imagine having to leave them a few days a week at his home.. and last time I left he wouldnt give me my dog.. its like Im at a rock and a hard spot. I do love him but I want to get away from him. Im always on edge not knowing how hes going to react to any of the tinest of things

@Waceykinz Hi