Life is going too fast
I feel like such a massive failure at the moment. I'm a streamer but having to currently take time away again, due to my anxiety. As others seem to rise to the top and grow their communities mine remains stagnant because of my mental health issues. It's hard not to feel defeated as I'm denied from opportunities.
I'm struggling with my day job at the moment & struggling with motivation to keep up with my hobbies as they bring me no enjoyment anymore.
Just don't know where I'm going with my life honestly. I can't even visit the gym currently and pour out my frustration because my heart is racing before I even leave the door. The more the anxiety stays, the worse I feel and it turns into depression.
I'm 30 and all my friends have savings and their first home. I have no savings because my income is crap and I'm substadising a shitty wage with sex work. I'm slowly paying off my debt with the second job but it's very slow and I'm worried I'm never gonna be able to save for my own house. There's so much to worry about and I wish life would simply slow down. It's also not easy to leave my current job because it allows me to work from home which is important to me.
@ApricotKitten Hi, ApricotKitten!
Human life is too short, isn't it? I feel you there, as there is so much to be done yet mental health gets in the way and cuts down the already precious time. It's hard to not compare our achievements to those of others. Many things in our lives are down to luck and we can't change the circumstances that brought us to this point in life. Nothing is given, not even a bright future, but same holds true to all these people we view as more succesful than us. Though their loss is by no means our gain, a time may well come where these people with their first homes and thriving careers get toppled and they find themselves back in square one, struggling with budding mental health issues they never had to deal with before.
Achievements and happiness aren't a linear path. Sometimes we find ourselves at the top, sometimes we fall, all can happen to anyone at different points in their life. A succesful happy 60-year-old is just as succesful and happy as a succesful and happy 20-year-old. As long as you live, you will have time to find your own achievements; and when that time comes, you just might find yourself making a lifetime's worth of progress in a ridiculously short amount of time. It is amazing what a healthy mind can do and with so much less effort than one ridden with anxiety and fear.
Focus on battling those demons today. It's okay if it takes long. There isn't a time limit to becoming happy and healthy.