Hello.

Hi there,

I am new to 7cups as of this evening. Nice to meet you all!

I am a 40yr old woman. I have 3 kids 20, 18, 14. I am a very caring and loving individual with a pretty great sense of humor.

I have been through a lot in my life, similar to everyone here. This evening I searched the web for some support with the current and past issues in my life. I am happy/relieved to come across this site. I am more than willing to listen to whomever needs an ear and help to the best of my ability. I look forward to hearing from you.

Why I am here... to put it bluntly, I am in a really sick, abusive environment. It has been going on so long that I don't know how to take the steps out. I get choked up just writing that sentence. It is Christmas day and i'm sitting in what's the size of a large walk-in closet, hoping to reach out to someone for advice. I am typically a very strong person. I have overcome so much, however, this year has me crawling into a hole, allowing this man (kids father) to do what he has done to me for years. I have come back so many times. I have finally reached a point that I can no longer tolerate his behavior. I stay in this room most days. I come out to cook, clean, shower, and back in the room I go. I lost the great job I had and I am at the mercy of the kids dad until I get a new job and find a home. I don't want to be with him and haven't for a long time, that upsets him and he makes me beg for items that are neccessity. I used the money I had on our family and once that ran out...wow. I am shamed in front of the kids. etc. He bought Christmas presents for the kids, knowing I had no money to share in the giving and gave them to kids while I was in the shower so I wouldn't get to be involved, That's just the minor things he does to me. It is absolutely heart-breaking. I am so worried about the kids turning out to be as hateful as him and I cannot make matters worse by telling them he is awful. I am so effin stuck. I am at my weakest right now. I am drained, I don't know if I am depressed. I feel sorry for myself, for my kids. I can see the light of getting out of this situation and yet I lack the mental tools or something.

There is so much more.. I am not sure if this is the right area/forum/thread to add any more details so I am going to wrap up this message and hope to hear from someone I can share more with.

Thank you for reading my thread. Have a Merry Christmas!