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Msp1208
624 M Embraced 5
PathStep 18 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts40 Forum upvotes59 Current upvotes59 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2021 Member sinceDecember 26, 2020
Recent forum posts
This 7cups site will not allow my response to go through
35 & Over Community / by Msp1208
Last post
 May 22nd, 2021
...See more So I put a lot into a message back to someone that had replied to my initial post. The site said something in my forum post indicates I am in crisis and won't send my message, I'm kinda pissed. If I am in crisis, I sure the hell am not going to be able to respond to a post. If it is about a glimpse at my life story, READ it before barring me from sending a message. (Suicide mention removed by Forum Mentor @Mel)
Anxiety story
35 & Over Community / by Msp1208
Last post
 January 19th, 2021
...See more Hi everyone, My father died when I was a teenager. A few months prior to his passing, my mother informed me that he wasn't my father. I of course wanted to know where to find my biological father... Well I found out he didn't want to have any type of relationship with me. After my father that took care of me passed away I lived with my mother. She and her husband were terrible alcoholics. My step-father was a pervert and my mom would take his side over mine. She tried sending me away for her husband. For my birthday, my mother would provide me with alcohol, cigarettes, and cocaine or whatever she had. There were always strangers around, people partying and me having to clean up after, or help her walk to bed. She eventually had me stay with a friend of hers, and I suffered much abuse within the home. I was raped, beaten etc. I saw others being beat and three of the younger children in the home being abused. I tried telling my mother. I had large purple bruises all over my body. She did nothing. I eventually ran away and learned to SURVIVE. I did whatever I could, slept couch to couch, stole whatever I didn't know how to provide myself with, etc. It was a hellish lifestyle. age 12-17ish Fast forward... I was riding in the car one day with a friend...all of a sudden I felt like I was going to faint, my heart was racing, I couldn't think straight. I knew for sure that I was dying. I had my friend race me to the hospital. The dr came into my room, he asked me a few questions, left the room and came back in with the pill that almost took the rest of my life away. Zanax. I swallowed the pill...within 10 minutes or less, I felt like life was brand new. I thanked him repeatedly. I thought it was quite hilarious that I thought I was dying and this little pill changed it all around. (age 16-17) Fast Forward...over 10 years I met someone that abused me. I married him. I had kids with him. I wanted love so bad and yet I was unaware of what love was. I was on or tried just about every anti-depressant, benzo, anti-psychotic out there. I remember the duty of my day was counting out the 12+pills I had to take and trying not to confuse the hours in which they were to be taken. I was diagnosed with all kinds of issues. Sent to the mental hospital etc. One day I lost what little I was hanging on by. I had a friend pick me up, I asked them to drop me off at their house while they ran some errands. He was hesitant but obliged. I slammed a bottle of crown royal, took the benzos. I vaguely remember him coming back. I tried fighting a female at the house. I lastly remember losing all control and falling over backwards. I woke to blood coming out of the back of my head. Lost consciousness over and over and woke up in the hospital. A doctor was stapling my head. My clothes were torn, I didn't have my shoes, I was covered in dried blood. I was a serious mess. I was told to go to the mental hospital again. I suffered with anxiety and severe panic attacks for over 10 years. I stayed in my pajamas for almost a year. I rarely went anywhere because I was afraid to panic. I was scared of dying and yet tried numerous times to end it. I couldn't drive because if I was at a stop light I would have a panic attack at being stuck there. I couldn't go into the grocery store by myself, I couldn't handle abrupt noises or late night phone calls. I had to shut my phone off at night because if someone called me I would have a panic attack from the phone ringing. I managed some good things for myself in between times. I didn't finish college, yet when I attended I had a 4.0.gpa. etc. Fast forward.. I stopped taking the medications in my 30's. I studied herbs and natural medicine. I learned my anxiety and panic attacks were caused by the death of my father at such an early age and everything that unfortunately happened to me after. I went through the "why me's" the "fuck god's" the pity was of it's own weight. Exhausting! So..this is what eventually helped me. I had a spiritual type of awakening. It allowed me to see life through different eyes so to speak. We are the products of our experiences. Who we surround ourselves with. etc. I carried the pain, the fear, the everything negative forward with me through the years.....until I was like wtf am I doing to myself?!! I had to distance myself from the toxicity that can come from others. My circle is so small I can count the people that genuinely care about my well-being on one hand. I dropped the hell bags of the past, to the best my ability. I learned whatever happens is going to happen. We are on a journey here. We make mistakes and we learn from them. If we don't learn the first time, life will send another wake up call. (karma) It will push you in the direction you should go. We need to pull ourselves up and not let our past traumas and mistakes be the end all. We are strong. We are all on here for a reason.. we know something doesn't feel right....and here we are fighting for the answers, because we are STRONG. We are stronger than what ails us mentally. So why do we bring that bullshit forward to the new day, everyday? This is my life. I could be gone tomorrow, why would I put any energy in anything negative? We are given a gift everyday we wake up to a new day, it is I that keeps I down. This is my take on everything anyway from my past experiences. I know there are a multitude of different circumstances out there. I live now as natural as possible. I don't take things for granted. I don't take any medication. I work with a Shaman on a daily basis. I still have my struggles. I moved back in with my ex during the pandemic. We thought if the shit went down we would have one another to rely on etc. I lost my job and found him to be the same abusive person he has always been. I am now close to having my own place again and I can't tell you how happy I am. I had to overcome all these obstacles by myself, there is something to that. I am stronger. I feel great. He can call me names and threaten me all he wants. I know karma is coming for him. He has taken enough of my precious time away. That's what I try to remind myself of to get by right now. Love is always the answer. Fill yourself with as much love as you can get and give. Don't take without giving. The attitude of gratitude. How can someone, defined by today's standards as a success, be depressed. Achievement vs fulfillment. Here we are racing to get this and that, only to be let down once we achieve it. We aren't happy because our happiness is wrapped up in what we are told. Work/achieve, buy this/buy that, take this pill/take that pill, look like this/look like that... just love one another and be a good person. That's what life is. Isn't that why we are here... Companionship? Comfort? That's why I'm here. Let's see what the law of attraction brings my way. I am always down to listen to anyone that needs an ear, some support, or just plain bored. I am a non-judgemental individual. Just don't come at me having hurt a child or some type of sexual deviant. I can't help you and I don't want to. Wim Hof is someone to look into. It helps with anxiety/panic/depression and so much more. I hope it is helpful to someone out there. I missed a lot of information about me in this nutshell, talking to you, talking to me story. I hope that I have not offended anyone. Not my intention. Thanks for reading! Have a great night! -Much love and good blessings!
Saturday Night
35 & Over Community / by Msp1208
Last post
 January 17th, 2021
...See more Hi everyone! It is Saturday evening and I am bored af. I don't care for winter too much and the pandemic is really wreaking havoc on my mental. I was fearful of enough things before this pandemic. I have luckily overcome the panic attacks and serious anxiety that used to plague me (npi) to only learn to be afraid all over again... lol Oh life!
Hey 40's people!!!!!
35 & Over Community / by Msp1208
Last post
 December 28th, 2020
...See more Thanks for reading. I am a newbie to the site yet and i'm wondering what to expect? It seems a lot of conversations I've browsed, fall off and I am wondering did they get help or is nobody trying to assist that person anymore. Some go unanswered, when it seems they really need someone. It will be days later and it will not have been answered by anyone.. Is there another place to go on here that I am not aware of? When discussing any topic is it preferable to start a new thread like this or put it under another more active thread?.... Any advice appreciated. Just Curious. On another note...my opinion today, I think the people that love the most are the strongest individuals. How do we know of real love without any pain? Just think... hate comes easy and is spewed all over. Simply watching the news can provoke a negative vibe inside us. Watching reality shows of people living their lives, instead of living your own. (Always a head-scratcher) I like pondering topics like these if anyone is up for that today or anyday...if there is no response for awhile, let's pick it back up somewhere. Spread more love!!
Hello.
Newbie Hub / by Msp1208
Last post
 December 26th, 2020
...See more Hi there, I am new to 7cups as of this evening. Nice to meet you all! I am a 40yr old woman. I have 3 kids 20, 18, 14. I am a very caring and loving individual with a pretty great sense of humor. I have been through a lot in my life, similar to everyone here. This evening I searched the web for some support with the current and past issues in my life. I am happy/relieved to come across this site. I am more than willing to listen to whomever needs an ear and help to the best of my ability. I look forward to hearing from you. Why I am here... to put it bluntly, I am in a really sick, abusive environment. It has been going on so long that I don't know how to take the steps out. I get choked up just writing that sentence. It is Christmas day and i'm sitting in what's the size of a large walk-in closet, hoping to reach out to someone for advice. I am typically a very strong person. I have overcome so much, however, this year has me crawling into a hole, allowing this man (kids father) to do what he has done to me for years. I have come back so many times. I have finally reached a point that I can no longer tolerate his behavior. I stay in this room most days. I come out to cook, clean, shower, and back in the room I go. I lost the great job I had and I am at the mercy of the kids dad until I get a new job and find a home. I don't want to be with him and haven't for a long time, that upsets him and he makes me beg for items that are neccessity. I used the money I had on our family and once that ran out...wow. I am shamed in front of the kids. etc. He bought Christmas presents for the kids, knowing I had no money to share in the giving and gave them to kids while I was in the shower so I wouldn't get to be involved, That's just the minor things he does to me. It is absolutely heart-breaking. I am so worried about the kids turning out to be as hateful as him and I cannot make matters worse by telling them he is awful. I am so effin stuck. I am at my weakest right now. I am drained, I don't know if I am depressed. I feel sorry for myself, for my kids. I can see the light of getting out of this situation and yet I lack the mental tools or something. There is so much more.. I am not sure if this is the right area/forum/thread to add any more details so I am going to wrap up this message and hope to hear from someone I can share more with. Thank you for reading my thread. Have a Merry Christmas!
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