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Boundaries, Burnout, and Everything In Between

tuffattack August 6th, 2023

@VioletNotes and I have been working on this post for a few weeks for now (: And we are excited to share it with all of you. I hope you all enjoy and maybe find this helpful!

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Let’s play an imagination game!

*Close your eyes and imagine sitting on your phone/computer. It was an alright day and you’re in the mood to want to do something bigger. You find an amazing website called 7 Cups!

Wow! I can help people and it gets me excited. It feels amazing; someone saying that the conversation helped! I feel happy and excited.*

Many of us know that feeling. 7 Cups brings us joy and happiness when we help someone and make their day a little bit better. It can definitely be thrilling. And at the same time, destroy us mentally.

New listeners on 7 Cups are most likely to experience burnout. Listening can become addictive and some listeners get 50-100 chats in one day! And slowly but surely, the joy we once had becomes a chore.

So today, let’s talk about burnout and boundaries as newbies.


So what is burnout?
Burnout can be defined as exhaustion of emotional strength or motivation, as a result of prolonged stress or frustration.

Similarly, compassion fatigue is a common risk for volunteers. Unlike burnout, though, it is caused by taking on the pain of others (members), and by caring too much. By doing this, you may become fatigued, and even withdraw emotionally.

Now, you may be thinking, how can someone care too much? You’re right that caring is a great quality, and as a listener you are greatly appreciated for that! However, there can be too much of a good thing.

Think back to how you’ve spent your first days on 7 cups. Maybe you took your first chat, and that went really well! Suddenly, though, you notice how many hurting people there are waiting in the general queue, so you take on a couple more chats. Maybe those go well too, but soon enough there are five more people waiting, and if you don’t help them, who will? Read more about pacing yourself here.

Let’s look at some warning signs of burnout. At this point, you may be experiencing some uncomfortable and difficult emotions. Helping people is all that you want to do, but perhaps you start feeling emotionally exhausted, detached, or unaccomplished.

When caring for so many people, it can be difficult to apply the same compassion that you once harbored for members. [emotional exhaustion; compassion fatigue]

You might even find yourself thinking of members as tasks, and forgetting that they are real, often hurting, people. Dreading each “task,” or member, becomes your new reality. [detachment, depersonalization]

Another warning sign that you may be experiencing burnout is a sense of demoralization. Feeling that you aren’t helping people, or that you aren’t making a difference is a common side effect of listening to so many members who are struggling. We cannot help everyone, and it is easy to forget that our main prerogative is simply to listen and be a supportive presence.

It is possible to avoid all of this discomfort, and if you’ve yet to experience many of these symptoms, yay! I am relieved and happy for you. You’ve caught burnout early, and you can take every step necessary to make sure that it does not affect you to any greater extent.

How? Setting boundaries and engaging in regular self-care is the best way to ensure that you are helping yourself to better help others.

What is a boundary in relation to 7 cups? A boundary is a limit or line that you set. As a listener, this might be telling a member, “no.” Being able to take a step back from a constant influx of PMs is needed in order to make time for yourself and fully utilize self-care methods. Please take a deeper look at boundaries here if you are continuing to feel the effects of burnout.


Now, nobody said setting boundaries was easy… but here is what you can do if you are ever struggling: Reach out to a mentor. It is possible to go it alone, but talking it through with someone experienced can be an amazing thing too. To connect to a mentor, click here

So, here we are, experiencing some serious burnout and still juggling too many responsibilities. You aren’t alone! While it is common for new listeners to struggle with burnout, it can happen to anyone, even the most experienced listeners.

Here’s the good news: there is a way out, and there’s a whole team of people here to help you. First, I would suggest rereading the section on boundaries. Though you may not have started out with strong boundaries, you can put them in place now to help yourself going forward. Now that we’ve dealt with that, you may still be feeling emotionally drained yourself. Self care is next on the agenda, one of the most important aspects of being a listener.

Self care can be defined as, “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.” Note that this says particularly during periods of stress, not explicitly. Self care should be something that you practice consistently.

How can you practice self care and implement it in your day-to-day life? First, we can start by listing some forms of self care. There is a broad range of ways to care for you, starting with basic needs and extending to emotional, practical needs. Read more about types of self care here


One important thing to remember is that self care is not selfish. Focusing on you is sometimes the best way to move forward!

Maintaining self care and continuing to practice it is what prevents burnout from coming back, so taking the time to recognize how valuable it is is essential. Read about a fellow newbie’s perspective on self care here.

The main focus of this post is new listeners! So, what can you take away from this information? I would say that burnout is common, and you aren’t alone in experiencing it. However, we have lots of tools here on 7 cups to help you get back to your happy place, helping others and feeling fulfilled while taking care of you as well.

Now it’s your turn!

  • What have your experiences been as a new listener relating to burnout, boundaries, and self care?
  • If you’re a seasoned listener, do you have any tips for newbies?
  • Lastly, comment what you learned! How might you implement all of this into your listener journey?

*text in blue is clickable


Tagging a few people who may enjoy this post

@Tobedoctor @TabbyCat97 @SupportiveMitch @tommy @Amy @Frixndlyghost3708 @FrenchMarbles @Mahad2804 @DonaldDraper


8
August 6th, 2023

@tuffattack Very well written and exactly capturing the situation/trap new listeners might fall into.
You are right, catching burnout early is the best solution. Precaution is better than cure.
And one can only catch it if they believe that it can happen to anyone. Even the best listeners.

Sunisshiningandsoareyou August 6th, 2023

@tuffattack @VioletNotes

This is such an awesome post! Thankyou for making such a validating, comforting post on topics super essential for everyone! I love the many helpful tips and reminders! 💖

What have your experiences been as a new listener relating to burnout, boundaries, and self care?

If you’re a seasoned listener, do you have any tips for newbies?

Replying to these two together because I'm not sure if I fit under one category, I like the tag of being a newbie-forever, that way I can always have room for exploring around more and learning something new.

Though, I'd say, it's been quite a while I feel I've definitely gotten better when it comes to setting boundaries, acknowledging burnout and trying out this earlier pretty alien-concept of self care lol!

I am a seasoned-newbie, if we wanna tag it hehe!😃

Some usual tips for anyone interested:

Learn to set your status/ availability here!

During my first two weeks I didn't even know what a status was and I think it was always online, which made me think I "had to" be here 247 because all the requests I see are for me to take/ support!

It was extremely overwhelming, not knowing where to put a stop, how to end chats, when to end chats. Some people could continue talking and sharing for hours and I could just continue listening and supporting!

As gratifying it was hearing the kind compliments and knowing I helped someone feel better, the emotional exhaustion was certainly peeking in!

Knowing it's okay to end chats you're not comfortable with, when you need to, when you have to!

You. Are. Not. A. Bad. Person. Or. A. Bad. Listener. If. You. Are. Prioritising. Your. Physical. And. Emotional. Availability. And. Well-being.

(Ofcourse please inform the member at all times, open communication is an important and kinder approach generally)

So very okay to have your personal limitations, and work around what you're more comfortable with. We cannot make someone else feel comfortable or encouraged to share if we aren't as comfortable or fully attentive sometime!

Know where to draw the line and when to step away!

I think this is especially important for naturally empathetic people. I am one, and I know it first-hand, the many "perks" of being an empath! It's difficult knowing where to draw the line between someone else's situation, experiences and emotions, and our own. A lot of empaths are big time "feelers" and it's challenging to know when to step away from drowning in someone else's feelings, to put it in one way!

Remembering our limits and acknowledging our best efforts despite those, may help in getting off the guilty conscience of "not doing enough".

The "work" you do matters. Take time to pat your back and be kind to yourself also!

Every bit counts. Keep your cup full, and try to be kind towards yourself also! You're not supposed to save everyone or solve every problem or leave every member feeling happy and instantly better after talking to you!

You providing them the space to share what's on their mind, being kind and compassionate towards them, using your basic active listening skills makes a lot of difference already!

Self-Introspection/ boundary with yourself!

I feel it's easier to set boundaries with others, but difficult to follow it for yourself!

Super important to take mindful pauses introspecting how you're doing, how you're feeling, how's being here impacting you, what do you think about doing what you do, etc.

So easy to get so engrossed in something we think we like and seeking some sense of satisfaction from also, easier to ignore ourselves and our well being when we are more dedicated towards something else!

Checking-in with yourself is therefore, really necessary, every once in a while to check your morale, and shake-off any auto-pilot-modes if you're entering! (Not necessarily "bad" to be in one, ofcourse, but denying our needs, your wellbeing and self-care takes us nowhere)

You aren't alone in your listener/leader journey!

Please do make use of the available resources, so many for us, and the best one being our lovely peers and mentors. A lot of us, no matter how old or new here, have shared experiences and I feel we can all learn together while supporting and cheering for each other along the way!


Lastly, comment what you learned! How might you implement all of this into your listener journey?

This was a great reminder for things I already know yet sometimes forget hehe, speaking of auto-pilot xD thank you for the nudge for a check-in with myself soon!

Alsooo, I noticed the hyperlinks all take us to this post itself, was it intended or to be used for different posts?

I find these really insightful when it comes to boundaries, self care, compassion fatigue etc:

4 replies
VioletNotes August 6th, 2023

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Thank you so much Sunn! That is valuable advice, I like the idea that we are all newbies making progress as we go.

I believe the post is still under construction, there was a problem with the links! Thank you for sharing those, I think some of those were the ones I intended.

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EnigmaticCat24 August 8th, 2023

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

Sunn your answers are great, i really learned lott! I like how amazing seasoned-newbie sunn XD. Thank youu! 💙

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Sunisshiningandsoareyou August 8th, 2023

@Tobedoctor Aww Aww thankyouuu, I appreciate you, Tobee and love reading your responses also! You're awesome-sauze!🤗💙

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EnigmaticCat24 August 8th, 2023

@tuffattack @VioletNotes Thank youuu so much for the tag and amazing postt! You both have worked so hard on this postt appreciate your hard work lott💙.

What have your experiences been as a new listener relating to burnout, boundaries, and self care?

Well tbh before becoming active in TL and connecting with my amazing mentor, i had no idea about boundaries and self care and it eventually led me to burnout 😅. I remember spending almost whole day at cups XD it wasn't funn soo much stress. And sometimes even now i forget about self care so thank you for reminding me tuff and vii 💙.

If you’re a seasoned listener, do you have any tips for newbies?

I think it's really good to connect with a mentor(s) because they are super helpful.

And connect with other listeners so they can share and talk about similar situation ,learn from each other and take steps to avoid burnout. Listener rooms are great place for this from my pov💙

And explore the helpful resources, listener sub community, do some trainings may help too.

Lastly, comment what you learned! How might you implement all of this into your listener journey?

You can't pour into someone's cup when your cup is empty so to help others we should help ourselves first. And self care is not selfish. We can help better when we're in good condition soo we should avoid burnout. 💙


September 15th, 2023

@tuffattackawesome post.absolute solution to burn out,thanks a lot!