Boundaries, Burnout, and Everything In Between

@VioletNotes and I have been working on this post for a few weeks for now (: And we are excited to share it with all of you. I hope you all enjoy and maybe find this helpful!

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Let’s play an imagination game!

*Close your eyes and imagine sitting on your phone/computer. It was an alright day and you’re in the mood to want to do something bigger. You find an amazing website called 7 Cups!

Wow! I can help people and it gets me excited. It feels amazing; someone saying that the conversation helped! I feel happy and excited.*

Many of us know that feeling. 7 Cups brings us joy and happiness when we help someone and make their day a little bit better. It can definitely be thrilling. And at the same time, destroy us mentally.

New listeners on 7 Cups are most likely to experience burnout. Listening can become addictive and some listeners get 50-100 chats in one day! And slowly but surely, the joy we once had becomes a chore.

So today, let’s talk about burnout and boundaries as newbies.

So what is burnout?
Burnout can be defined as exhaustion of emotional strength or motivation, as a result of prolonged stress or frustration.

Similarly, compassion fatigue is a common risk for volunteers. Unlike burnout, though, it is caused by taking on the pain of others (members), and by caring too much. By doing this, you may become fatigued, and even withdraw emotionally.

Now, you may be thinking, how can someone care too much? You’re right that caring is a great quality, and as a listener you are greatly appreciated for that! However, there can be too much of a good thing.

Think back to how you’ve spent your first days on 7 cups. Maybe you took your first chat, and that went really well! Suddenly, though, you notice how many hurting people there are waiting in the general queue, so you take on a couple more chats. Maybe those go well too, but soon enough there are five more people waiting, and if you don’t help them, who will? Read more about pacing yourself here.

Let’s look at some warning signs of burnout. At this point, you may be experiencing some uncomfortable and difficult emotions. Helping people is all that you want to do, but perhaps you start feeling emotionally exhausted, detached, or unaccomplished.

When caring for so many people, it can be difficult to apply the same compassion that you once harbored for members. [emotional exhaustion; compassion fatigue]

You might even find yourself thinking of members as tasks, and forgetting that they are real, often hurting, people. Dreading each “task,” or member, becomes your new reality. [detachment, depersonalization]

Another warning sign that you may be experiencing burnout is a sense of demoralization. Feeling that you aren’t helping people, or that you aren’t making a difference is a common side effect of listening to so many members who are struggling. We cannot help everyone, and it is easy to forget that our main prerogative is simply to listen and be a supportive presence.

It is possible to avoid all of this discomfort, and if you’ve yet to experience many of these symptoms, yay! I am relieved and happy for you. You’ve caught burnout early, and you can take every step necessary to make sure that it does not affect you to any greater extent.

How? Setting boundaries and engaging in regular self-care is the best way to ensure that you are helping yourself to better help others.

What is a boundary in relation to 7 cups? A boundary is a limit or line that you set. As a listener, this might be telling a member, “no.” Being able to take a step back from a constant influx of PMs is needed in order to make time for yourself and fully utilize self-care methods. Please take a deeper look at boundaries here if you are continuing to feel the effects of burnout.

Now, nobody said setting boundaries was easy… but here is what you can do if you are ever struggling: Reach out to a mentor. It is possible to go it alone, but talking it through with someone experienced can be an amazing thing too. To connect to a mentor, click here

So, here we are, experiencing some serious burnout and still juggling too many responsibilities. You aren’t alone! While it is common for new listeners to struggle with burnout, it can happen to anyone, even the most experienced listeners.

Here’s the good news: there is a way out, and there’s a whole team of people here to help you. First, I would suggest rereading the section on boundaries. Though you may not have started out with strong boundaries, you can put them in place now to help yourself going forward. Now that we’ve dealt with that, you may still be feeling emotionally drained yourself. Self care is next on the agenda, one of the most important aspects of being a listener.

Self care can be defined as, “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.” Note that this says particularly during periods of stress, not explicitly. Self care should be something that you practice consistently.

How can you practice self care and implement it in your day-to-day life? First, we can start by listing some forms of self care. There is a broad range of ways to care for you, starting with basic needs and extending to emotional, practical needs. Read more about types of self care here

One important thing to remember is that self care is not selfish. Focusing on you is sometimes the best way to move forward!

Maintaining self care and continuing to practice it is what prevents burnout from coming back, so taking the time to recognize how valuable it is is essential. Read about a fellow newbie’s perspective on self care here.

The main focus of this post is new listeners! So, what can you take away from this information? I would say that burnout is common, and you aren’t alone in experiencing it. However, we have lots of tools here on 7 cups to help you get back to your happy place, helping others and feeling fulfilled while taking care of you as well.

Now it’s your turn!

• What have your experiences been as a new listener relating to burnout, boundaries, and self care?
• If you’re a seasoned listener, do you have any tips for newbies?
• Lastly, comment what you learned! How might you implement all of this into your listener journey?

*text in blue is clickable

Tagging a few people who may enjoy this post

@Tobedoctor @TabbyCat97 @SupportiveMitch @tommy @Amy @Frixndlyghost3708 @FrenchMarbles @Mahad2804 @DonaldDraper