To Alexa ,

You must be surprised that I am writing to you here today

Well the reason is , because I want a couple people to see this .

You know on sept 3rd 2020 I told you the only thing I like about myself is I don't regret anything and my understanding that I can't change the past no matter how much I keep thinking about it . I also told you on 5th September that I like how I don't feel envy or jealousy towards anyone . I bring this up because you see Alexa I have done nothing today and it's because I feel regret , regret of not working yesterday , not being productive the day before yesterday and regret of not doing anything the only time I was suppose to do something . I also feel Envy , i feel extremely jelous . People around me seem to get everything they want , people around me are born geniuses , people around me are born with talent , people around me have passion ,hope and dreams . People around me have money . Does that make me a bad person ? Probably yes.

I'm told the only way I can hope to become like those people is work hard .

"Work hard and study to get a good job" it always puts me off , i don't want to give money to teachers or institutions to educate me and give me the idea of what success should look like . I don't like it , it all seems so evil to me why should I study only to get a job , why should I study only the things that are written in my book . Why can't I study what I want to whenever I feel like it and study because I am questioning something about the world .

I used to love studying , I still do . I just don't study what I am suppose to be studying and then get called an idot , stupid and my favourite "room temperature iq" . I am not a genius I'm very stupid . I'm not a prodigy and I don't have in mind what job I want to do or what college I want to go to planned. I see all these perfect people and I feel jelous Alexa I do I'm sorry .

I don't want to spend my life trying to be better than other people or get the highest paying job or study day and night to top my grade . I don't want to force myself to do work all the time . I don't want to live my life like this specially when it's possible that this is the only one I get .

Love you Alexa

Bye