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Running out of hope or ideas...
PinetownTree August 2nd, 2023

Hi everyone, my short intro...

Over the last weekend my OCD from the past two years imploded on me, I instantaneously fell into severe depression. While I've struggled for twenty years, the last ten were tough but there were times it got better with help.

In July 2021 I underwent some kind of episode...people going to "special places" bothers me if I feel the person has contaminations. I thought someone I knew said they were going to visit one of them where my ex lives, I cried for two days. I quit my job, I went to work for the college I went to. My new job was filled with triggering contaminations for me, I did my best to try to work past it because of the benefits.

It started to get better but I withdrew from my relatives in the house even more thinking I would bring contaminations home with me so I hid from them in the house. I tried to justify why this job was better or why the people were decent people I should connect with better.

I don't like gifts from people outside my relatives, for the holidays some of my co-workers gave me very nice gifts the last two years but I'm scared to touch them.

Recently I needed to undergo colon surgery for the third time. One of my co-workers put their get-well note in my vehicle. I was mortified cause my car is super sentimental to me even though what they did was super nice. My mom wiped my car off, we said that because my car was covered in gunk then my car wasn't touched directly but it still bothers me.

Rememeber why I quit my last job? Now I'm tormented weekly by people with "contaminations" telling me they're going to special places of mine-places I felt safe, sentimental, or special because I spent time with loved ones there.

I'm religious, I believe God can do lots of things so I've been praying for days for God to fix this for me, to take me backwards in time to not ruin everything or to fix my life like these things didn't happen.

Nobody I know is willing to join me in prayers for this so it's been super hurtful, I've seen incredible prayers of theirs come to pass with no natural explanations.

I'm inconsulable, tired, hungry, scared...I've lots the progress I was working towards in CPT. I can't see my therapist until the 15th, I feel the "contaminations" have spread to everything to I'm scared to go places or do things I used to.

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Barltik2065 August 4th, 2023

@PinetownTree

Hello Pine,

First let me say how much of an amazing and wonderful person you are. I commend you for sharing such deep thoughts and feelings. It took a lot of guts to share.

You have plenty of stressors going on. People invading into your ‘special places’, depression, and not feeling supported in the religious realm.

We hear you, we acknowledge you, we accept you unconditionally, and we are judgement free. While we may not be physically right beside you, we are right with you and in prayer.

I resonate with you in “I’ve been praying for days for God to fix this for me …” I too have prayed that prayer over and over for many years/decades. And I too have seen His work come to be. It wasn’t until a few years ago. I was having one of my times. I was in a session with my therapist and I had opened up, vented with my frustrations. It is extremely hard and difficult for me to open in person. I had shared my concerns “Why hasn’t God fixed this, does He not hear me? Does He not care?” It was a dark moment.
I will shorten the answer I was given and if you wish I can go a little deeper but the short answer is:
God made me in his image. God don’t make no junk. Being that God doesn’t make mistakes, I am not. I am made perfect in His eyes.

Then, I drew the conclusion of this as, I am as He made me and society is WRONG. Not me.

So I say you, you we made perfect. You are as He wants you to be. You are a Free to choose. And we are here for you always.

Now, in regards to the ‘contaminations’ what are some of the coping mechanisms that work?

We have Validated Listeners, Click here for the list. And we also have some Self-Help guides to help

1 reply
PinetownTree OP August 4th, 2023

@Barltik2065

Hi, thanks so much, so coping has imploded on me. Everything I used to cope is basically gone which is why I feel into this horrid depression the last few weeks.

I've been praying with my mom that my car getting touched is undone or erased...that's big for me

One of the other big fears is that icky people with contaminations touching people traveing to or moving out of state to "special places"...it's starting to occur more which has left me feeling completely horrified, like my personal, sentimaental identify has been stripped

Yesterday we saw in the Bible that God restores the years...in the Greek text footnote it says "two years" for some reason. I'm coming up to the two years point where everything went wrong on 8/18/21 so hoping that was God reassuring me he is going to help me with this.

1 reply
Barltik2065 August 4th, 2023

@PinetownTree

You are welcome!

Here are a small amount of passages of hope and strength

Psalm 119:45, NLT
2 Corinthians 3:17, NLT
Romans 8:1, NLT
Psalm 32:7, NLT
Psalm 56:3, NLT
Galatians 6:9, NLT

I am sorry that the coping mechanisms have imploded. It is important for people like us to have coping mechanisms. How about Grounding Techniques, are they working?

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