Hi everyone, my short intro...
Over the last weekend my OCD from the past two years imploded on me, I instantaneously fell into severe depression. While I've struggled for twenty years, the last ten were tough but there were times it got better with help.
In July 2021 I underwent some kind of episode...people going to "special places" bothers me if I feel the person has contaminations. I thought someone I knew said they were going to visit one of them where my ex lives, I cried for two days. I quit my job, I went to work for the college I went to. My new job was filled with triggering contaminations for me, I did my best to try to work past it because of the benefits.
It started to get better but I withdrew from my relatives in the house even more thinking I would bring contaminations home with me so I hid from them in the house. I tried to justify why this job was better or why the people were decent people I should connect with better.
I don't like gifts from people outside my relatives, for the holidays some of my co-workers gave me very nice gifts the last two years but I'm scared to touch them.
Recently I needed to undergo colon surgery for the third time. One of my co-workers put their get-well note in my vehicle. I was mortified cause my car is super sentimental to me even though what they did was super nice. My mom wiped my car off, we said that because my car was covered in gunk then my car wasn't touched directly but it still bothers me.
Rememeber why I quit my last job? Now I'm tormented weekly by people with "contaminations" telling me they're going to special places of mine-places I felt safe, sentimental, or special because I spent time with loved ones there.
I'm religious, I believe God can do lots of things so I've been praying for days for God to fix this for me, to take me backwards in time to not ruin everything or to fix my life like these things didn't happen.
Nobody I know is willing to join me in prayers for this so it's been super hurtful, I've seen incredible prayers of theirs come to pass with no natural explanations.
I'm inconsulable, tired, hungry, scared...I've lots the progress I was working towards in CPT. I can't see my therapist until the 15th, I feel the "contaminations" have spread to everything to I'm scared to go places or do things I used to.
