New here

@Treywill1891

Hey,

I can relate to a lot of how you feel. It's so hard to be depressed and alone at the same time and the conflicting emotions are so exhausting. Somedays all I want is to be left alone and and the next day I want to be seen and have someone to lean on. Sometimes I'm feeling like it's fine, that I'm in control and the next moment the smallest trigger makes me shatter.

It's difficult to reach out for help and if it isn't to the right person it can really hurt and backfire. It's normal to be guarded if you've been burned before. But you're here now, reaching out and sharing and that is a big step in the right direction. There isn't just one single path forward that works for everyone - you have to try different things and see what works for you. Something that works for me is acceptance - it's both ok and legitimate to feel down right now but it doesn't mean that it's going to feel like this forever. On the contrary, to realise it means that you can do something about it. It's also good to accept that some people don't care and some will be mean and hurtful, but it's not you're resposibility to change that so don't use your energy wishing it was different. Look for positive change instead, no matter how small. It's always easier said than done and somedays it will feel almost impossible but it's important to keep trying. Be kind and patient with yourself and your progress and try to acknowledge and appreciate even the smallest improvement.

Ok, this answer became longer than I expected, I hope that I didn't overdid it and sounded preachy. I honestly mean it and I wish that we both find a good path forward. Take care :)

Depression is not an easy feeling to understand because it often stems from things built up over the years. Wanting to isolate yourself and feeling socially drained is okay—it's fine to take that break sometimes (what I mean is that it's okay to give yourself that space without feeling guilty about it instead of forcing yourself).

Not wanting to be around people anymore might even be a reflection of the exhaustion from the effort it takes to keep going. But you know, instead of pushing yourself, maybe give yourself some time, focus on things that make you feel good and help you relax. Then, little by little, you might reconnect with people you feel are worth it—without rushing.

People have both good and bad sides. You don’t need to force yourself to only see the good. Allow yourself to understand what you consider bad too, because every feeling is valid. When we force ourselves to focus only on the positive, it becomes a heavy burden—you don’t need to please everyone.

@Treywill1891 Hey Tracey, thanks for sharing that with us. Sounds like you've been through a lot, and it’s really brave of you to open up about it. I get where you're coming from with the trust issues and feeling like people don’t care – it can be tough to navigate. But just know you’re not alone, and even if it doesn’t feel like it, there are people who do care and understand. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take things one step at a time, yeah?!

Hey

@Treywill1891

Hi, Tracey,

Thank you for sharing with us and introducing yourself. Your post resonated with me. I suffer from Depression as well. Depression is difficult and feeling as if we can't trust others is even more difficult because, then it might feel like we are left to suffer alone. Isolating ourselves emotionally or physically feeds depression. It's a horrible cycle and it can make us feel stuck, trapped and hopeless which.

I hope you are patient with yourself and appreciative of yourself. It's hard to see our strengths and victories when depression is overshadowing us. 

I don't feel you overshared at all. I am glad you found 7cups. Please don't feel guilty for sharing here. This is a wonderful place to share. Thank you for sharing some of your story with us. 

@Treywill1891

welcome to cups

So me

this is how I got hurt way too much

seeing ppl being good if they aren’t explicitly rude

being used of my own energy n attention I gave them

cuz being caring is fine

but ppl always came in disguise to me

Too top good to be true :(

this sadly is right advice…

don’t expect n be ur own self

ppl sadly don’t care

what u wrote was my biggest realization after too many falls

@Treywill1891

Demn man, I thought I was a bad person to think like this but yeah I relate. With the depression too actually. I end up being so unproductive and unmotivated most of the day and it's a struggle to push me to work and get stuff done, to the point my parents say I will become a burden if they're not there in my life. I'm shown time and again that although my caretakers took care of the physical things in my life, they expect a person now to act like they're the best, and act and talk like the ideal child. I'm sorry to say, but since I was 11, I've lived with my grandparents and they came twice a year, wherein, always they would have petty fights and shout in the house. So sorry, I sound so fake when I am expected by them to reassure them and say things like "I'll take care of everything don't you worry" they make me anxious and hyper aware of everything that's wrong with me. I feel bad for talking this way, but my bitterness always sweeps to the surface. At this point even if they come to my life I feel uncomfortable and I don't know how I'm supposed to act. It's so upsetting to me, how they make it seem like it's my fault for not trying. Then they say sorry for what they did, but then it always is followed by but I tried to reach out to you, YOU wouldn't let me. No matter how much I try, I'm never good enough to them. I'm tired and I'm trying so hard not to feel hurt sigh.

In the end, people are selfish, and no matter how much school tell you this is good this is bad-majority don't follow it.