Newbie

Hi everyone, I am new here.

I have no idea how I can use 7 cups to help me on my journey but know that it's a good start! so apologies if my brain fog means I press the wrong thing or write something in the wrong place!

A little about me and where I currently am with my wellbeing (in the hopes it'll help identify peers):

I'm 29, married, and have a lively 1 year old (and a cat!). We have always lived in or very close to Cambridge, which makes for some lovely walks. I am a Girlguiding leader (have been with my unit since I was 10! I make the other Guiders feel old lol), love camping and outdoor activities, when the weather is nice, I try to take my son swimming as much as I can (he's such a water baby!), and work hard to balance the current chaos, which includes trying to move house and a broken down car!

My mental health and wellbeing was well managed up until I fell pregnant and it just isn't the same; we've had a tough time.

I have multiple chronic illnesses, one of which I have had all my life (well managed) the others were either triggered, got worse or have been newly diagnosed in the last 19 months.

It started when I developed PTSD from labouring my son, where we nearly lost both my son and I on multiple occasions and resulted in a cat 1 c-section.

We had a few hiccups as new parents, and I was unable to solely breastfeed due to the amount of drugs that I was given in labour so I persisted with mix feeding for a few weeks before he fell ill. He developed a hernia at around 2 weeks old that resulted in him having surgery at 4 weeks old. This was a particularly difficult time as people were so excited to meet him but he only met my parents and my mother in law until around 3 months later. We couldn't even leave him with a parent in order to shower because of his rapidly fluctuating medical needs. 2 weeks post op and he started sleeping through! yay! He made up lost night feeds by having full 9oz bottles throughout the day.

At this time I found my physical health went drastically through the floor and I also then realised I was struggling with my mental health.

I had maybe 20 admissions, lost 20KG in 3 months, became chronically malnourished and dehydrated and in incredible pain which often triggers flashbacks. This was all down to grade 4 Endometriosis and some sort of Gastric condition (still undergoing tests/investigations). During this time my care had no continuity and my GP was going above and beyond to look after me in the community when I was well over his threshold for presenting at A&E, but the hospital, particularly my Gastro team, did not intervene for a long time. I now have a nasal feeding tube that sits in my intestine which has meant I can get nutrition and fluids in me that stays; I'm no longer regurgitating everything! I was left in a position where I needed to make a formal complaint to get the care I need.

I now live with such resentment about a year of my life where I wasn't given the best opportunity to be as well as I could/can be and I still have the same consultant. He pledged his commitment to continuity and has so far actioned this; I have expedited tests and much more regular appointments actually with him rather than one of his minions.

Having a feeding tube, and managing my mental and physical health, alongside raising a baby has been far beyond the hardest thing I have ever had to do. My PTSD has thankfully been improving after EMDR therapy; my emotions are a lot less overwhelming anxiety and more sadness when I have flashbacks or nightmares.

I did however have a mental health crisis 6 months ago where I took an overdose of one of my prescribed medications. This has left me in between mental health services; primary care won't take me for at least 6 months clear (then the waiting list on top of that) and secondary care wouldn't take me as I wasn't "bad enough". I have managed best I can, reaching out to peer support groups, and I am on a waiting list for long term counselling support.

Amongst all of this we had a bereavement of a close family member, my employer has been terrible after every bout of sick leave (the last one was an acute infection (nothing to do with any of my chronic issues) that I took 2 days for, and they demanded I didn't return until OH could review me again - I have had to take my A/L for this as I don't want them adding to my sickness record when I feel fit enough to return!), we replaced our old broken down car, had the new car for 13 days before that broke down (brought it from a garage too!), and have been trying to move house for the last THREE YEARS (chains keep falling through).

I do my best to remind myself of all the good in my life; my son is beyond anything I have ever imagined my future child/ren to be, but the good and bad days are still so extremes and I am still trying to balance everything. My GP describes me as frail and vulnerable, which is most definitely NOT what I imagined to hear before I reached 30! My body is very sensitive; I hit my head on the corner of a cabinet while baking (for my mental health) and developed both Post-concussion Syndrome and FND. It makes me fearful to do and plan things; my admissions have meant that I have missed so many special occasions, particularly with my son. Last year I was in hospital for my birthday, my husbands birthday, valentines day, our anniversary and my first mother's day. This meant we didn't really do anything to mark my son's first birthday which now makes me feel disappointed with myself. I feel such a burden to my family and friends, but I know nothing other than ill health right now.

If you've read to this far, thank you! I utterly and genuinely appreciate it so SO much. I hope I can find some balance in my life by utilising 7 cups and you friendly people! I just wanted to say hello and then I vented, my bad! Have a pleasant day! :)