Looking for some tips

@emotionalGlobe8505

Have you opened up and spoke to someone friend / partner / or professional?   unburden your thoughts. 

I think when memories of some subject keeps coming up and re-entering your head, I feel the subject needs to be revisited and sometimes when we talk it out it brings some peace or different perspective.

 a nagging thought or pop up into my day tend to go on .....until i address it. Sometimes in talking with someone we may hear some feedback or something we have not heard before and see things differently. 

For example i had a big loss of family early in life my co-worker had a similar experience we shared  the events.  i felt their seems worse then mine.... but they felt mine was worse situation.

Not a contest but we both felt that yes others have been there...and sharing it quieted that pop ups and thoughts.  

@emotionalGlobe8505
Hi There... I totally feel for you and what you're going through. I by no means know what your pain is, but what I can do is tell you loosely about mine and what I do. (Can't use did- still working through it :) )

So at first, it's just survival. I can in an instant be brought back to any emotional experience in like 2 seconds- and I'm there, reliving the emotions, seeing it as if it were happening again, even the smells.  That sucks when they are bad experiences- and I had some traumatic relationship stuff that I keep reliving.  So to survive I did like you- for me holding my breath, eating something spicy, and screaming till I lose my voice (for real) was the plan.

The problem is the longer I did this, the more it built up until I was super depressed.  I eventually got help (like 20 years later) and it's been a slow slog but it's working.  Once I was ready (like got meds and no longer on the highest end of the depression scale), I was advised to "let the pain wash over me.."  YEAH, super scary.  So you can't do this part until you're ready- but induce the event and let it hurt you- cry, feel it, but set a timer like no more than 5 mins.  Then talk to someone about the experience. And repeat, and repeat.  What happened is that after just a few of these "pain sessions", it began to get less and less impactful.  It was like a pain allergy shot- I was building up resistance to the event.  Then I would work on the next event. Repeat. It totally sucks but it is working for me.

BUT I really don't think I could be doing it without a few meds and a therapist.  

That said- I don't know if I'll ever not be bothered with the random recall of these events- but it won't have power over me anymore- that's the goal I'm shooting for.

This is hard, but I'm sure you can do it.  I've mentioned this in another post of mine, but when I'm feeling bad, I listen to the song "Seize the Power" by Yonaka- it reminds me that my little voice deep inside has a ton of power and can come out and help me whenever I let it.  One last recommendation... don't do what I did... It took me over 20 years to start dealing with this. The longer you deal with it the longer it will take to get out of it.  And don't be afraid to ask for help- from here, from dear friends, from professionals. We're all trying to figure out this life- the more suggestions the better. :)

Sending tons of good vibes your way!

@emotionalGlobe8505
Thanks for reaching out. You sound you do have it "together" to an extent, and you seem to have some idea of coping strategies that may help... but it also sounds like your inner content is surfacing more lately, and this is challenging.
There are quite a few reason as to WHY this is happening now- probably you can think of a few... but the important thing is- deeper stuff is more "available" to you right now.
This may be a good thing- if you take it into therapy right now. If you can- i think it might be a good idea.
Otherwise- try holding on more tightly onto things that you know work- use more the meditation, the yoga, the evening walks. Maybe change something, experiment with new ways to do stuff.
It might be that your whole integrated system is trying to break through and tell you something-
Probably something about stuff that needs to be worked with, be "integrated", seen, accepted, and above all- Made Space for, and truly FELT.
So, maybe see how you can provide that holding space for yourself, how you can befriend what's trying to come up.... and at the same time- do what works to regulate your system to a more relaxed and balanced state.
It's a tight rope.... and you're walking it.....

@emotionalGlobe8505 Hi. I am brand new here. Honestly I just read this because it was the 2nd step in my work for today. But I'm glad I read it, because it resonated with me. I don't have all of the answers, but I do relate to your struggle. Something that that helps me through car rides is a conversation with another person. If no one is in the car I call a friend (safely on a hands free device of course) who brings me joy but who does not necessarily know about the trauma in my past. Someone who can tell me about what is going on in their life and draw me out of my own. If my kids are in the car I ask them to share with me a problem they are having. I try to help them or listen, if that's what they need instead. I guess the point is sometimes you have to reach outside of yourself for peace. Either borrow someone else's or help them find it. I'm wishing you well, and I want you to know you're not alone.

What helped me was accepting what happened that I can't change the past then reminding myself that I can change my future by not letting the past deciding what I do today or how I feel it took I while but I kept telling myself this and it helped.

Hey, Globe.

Firstly, you're not alone. I struggle with this, too.

When my mind goes back in time, because even 7 years later, it still does...

If I'm overwhelmed by it, I breathe through it first, validate what I'm feeling, and try and picture my inner child, who feels afraid and unsafe. I recognize what's happening, and remind myself I'm safe now, and what was in the past is in the past and can't hurt me. I'm safe. I repeat that over and over again until I can sort of calm down a little bit.

If I feel I'm too emotionally dysregulated to do that, I find the nearest cold thing, frozen thing. Hold it in my hands and turn it over and just focus on breathing. It's really hard when you're faced with that kind of emotional and memory throwback. I heavily relate to the feeling of wanting to "hulk smash." I actually said that to a friend of mine once. "Hulk know only smash." Thanks for making me feel seen right there. If taste works better, or smell, engage a sense. A strong, pretty smell you like, like a body spray or air freshener, or maybe a lemon. Something really overwhelming to the senses somehow, to pull your focus and energy toward it instead of that memory or emotion.

Every day, I use some sort of reminder tool, to help keep me grounded in the present. Gratefulness practice, to remind me of the good of the present moment, and that that past is no longer my present. Metta meditation practice, to help me with some of the disproportionate anger I feel at certain triggers and resentments. The serenity prayer helps me also, since one of my things is trying to control my environment out of fear of chaos, and helps me remember that while I can't control how I feel in certain situations, I can control what I do about it, and that sort of eases my mind in a way I still can't fully articulate yet. You can adapt the serenity prayer to include any higher power or exclude it altogether, if atheism is more your thing. A mantra of your own making may prove more useful to you if that's the case.

Journaling when I feel a surge of emotion, especially anger, and just typing what I'm thinking and feeling onto the phone (if I'm not driving or working) helps me identify the sadness at an unmet need underneath the anger I feel during those "hulk smash" moments. I can then find a skill or solution to meet that need, and picture my anger dissolving like a popsicle on a hot sidewalk or like a bath bomb fizzling in a bathtub.

When I feel that urge to isolate ("crawl into that deep hole"), I use a skill called "opposite action," where I attempt to connect to someone. I try to remind myself that while my feelings are valid, and that me feeling scared is valid, I check the facts: the people in my life are safe for me. We (me in my wise mind and my scared part) know that we are safe from the things we fear and that our fears stem from our past and not our present. We have enough evidence of our fears not being founded on anything but our past because of the actions of those around us. I can trust that they mean well because they have shown me through their actions that they care about me, and so I replay a positive memory with a friend or family member that reminds me I am safe now. I have no empirical evidence that I need to run away and hide, even though I feel that I really want to. (That one was really hard fought. And there were many times I wanted to ghost people but made myself sit and not do it.)

If I'm feeling an overwhelming feeling of grief, I cry that out and clutch a teddy bear my friend sent to me when I had an illness. I hug it as I'd hug my inner child, to comfort her. It helps.

I'm still in recovery myself, and still struggle with those urges quite a bit, and lose the battle sometimes.

The last bit of coming out of that loop is to absolutely obliterate your vicious inner critic over time. This was the hardest one for me. I chose an absolutely ridiculous character from a favorite movie (Captain Smek from the Pixar movie "Home") to embody that vicious voice to disarm it. Whatever works for you, it takes time. Reminding yourself that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future, and forgiving yourself for what you didn't know, didn't do, did do, or did know, if you need to do that. Whatever that might be. Showing compassion to yourself, which is difficult at first, and understanding that healing isn't linear. You may fall off a time or two. Developing a growth mindset, that mistakes don't make you a failure, they make you human, and that they're part of the learning process. Things not working right away isn't a sign they don't work at all; you might just need to tweak them a little so they can work for you specifically a little better. If something doesn't work right away, give it some time.

Don't be hard on yourself or succumb to feelings of defeat for very long. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, and take breaks from healing if you're feeling burnt out. Trying to keep at something when you're feeling burnt out will sap you of your energy to keep going.

Lastly, and most importantly, understanding that you are worthy of love as you are, right now, nothing added, nothing taken away, simply by virtue of drawing breath and existing. Making sure you somehow remind yourself of that during really difficult moments, even if it feels awkward or even like you're lying to yourself at first. It might not feel natural, given all you've been through. Reminding yourself in some way that everything about you makes sense in the grand scheme of your life and everything that has happened or hasn't happened. That your feelings are valid. That it's okay that you aren't okay, in those moments.

I don't know how long it will go on. I can't answer that. I can say, though, that over time, you will have more and more of those moments where it doesn't. That as you heal, you'll make new memories with people who love you, your children, friends and family, if you have any. That as you heal, you'll have more and more positive experiences that shine like rays of sunshine and start to slowly outnumber the dark clouds of the hurtful, painful ones. Especially since you know already that there are amazing things around you.

I wish you healing, light, and for you to reclaim your life, Globe. I wish you all the best. Some of these may work for you, and some might not. Trust your intuition in the things that feel right to you.