Hi @stezy, I'm sorry to hear you are going through this and feeling alone. If you don't mind me asking....did something happen recently or is it ongoing issue? Would you like to talk about it here[whether vaguely or in detail --- whichever you are comfortable with]? If not, that is OK!
This might sound counter-intuitive but USE that hate.
I used to hate myself SO MUCH that I used that as motivation to become someone I liked or loved better.
What are things that you hate about yourself?
②What are some things you can do to stop hating yourself?
For example, I HATE my skinny body. I HATE how unhealthy I eat. I HATE that I talk too much sometimes and interrupt others.
But for the skinny body and unhealthy eating, I can turn that around by working out and eating better. For the talking, I can learn to stfu and listen better.
If it's something physical you hate... Like things you can't control [ex. Eye shape, skin colour, sound of voice, etc], find people with the same features who are admired. It helps you see it's not so bad after all, and other people accept it, so should you.
As for the feeling alone part... I feel you on that. I like being alone, but I don't like feeling lonely...sometimes I feel lonely, even though I'm in a crowd of people. I've vowed to try and become more social and meet others. I've become friends recently with a coworker who I have a lot in common with. I am a bit scared of making friends due to having toxic friendships in the past, but I'm going to work hard and try to have a social circle again for my mental health's sake.
I'm learning how to set healthy boundaries again. I left an abusive relationship 9 months ago with my (former alcoholic) ex/son's father, whom I was in a relationship with for 3 years. Before then, for the first 18yrs of my life, i left my abusive parents/dysfunctional family back at my home town. They're many kilometers away. That's why it's taking me some time on setting healthy boundaries. I'm learning.
Anyhow, good luck my friend! Please take care and don't be too hard on yourself. Imagine you are talking to a good friend -- talk to yourself the same way you would a friend. If you need to let those negative emotions out though, however, let it flow. Don't bottle it up. Journal it down, maybe go out for a walk with music on, exercise, do hobbies, etc..anything to help you go through the negative feelings.
