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I don’t know how to keep and maintain friends
sunflowervibes8 July 12th
.

Hello! ❤️


Since childhood, I've always felt that my role was to support my friends, to help them, and to make sure they have a good time. I would often entertain or please them in ways I thought they would like, usually putting my own needs aside.


Now, as an adult, I realize I'm no longer just the entertaining clown, but in my relationships, I still find myself in the role of supporter and helper. I’m not sure I know how to be a friend on different terms. I don’t feel like I have close friends that I meet with regularly, and kind of miss that. However I struggle to understand how to maintain those friendships. 


To be honest, I think I keep people at a bit of a distance and I don’t really know why. For example, I rarely invite friends to my home. Mostly I invite my kids friends and my husband invites his friends. However I forget my own. 


Can anyone relate to this?


Thank you 🌸

3
lightTree6221 July 12th
.

@sunflowervibes8

I can definitely relate to what you wrote. I now live alone and no one comes over. When I was married and my kids were small, their friends and their friends families came over. I also cannot maintain friendships and wonder if I even have friends lol. Part of it, for me, is that I don't like bothering people and will often wait for them to "bother" me.

It is very difficult to change when you are the support person. I am always the person that someone comes to when they need something, but no one is ever available when I need help. It's very lonely.

Of course, I don't know what the solution is. I think it is just how we are. We might not be able to not be the support person. 

I also think that everyone has a purpose. Maybe some people were born to be supportive, while others weren't. I don't know. It would be interesting to try to change it, though.

sunflowervibes8 OP July 16th
.

Thank you so much for your answer! It sounds very similar. I Wonder if there is sommething we can do about that to change it… And make and maintain friends..

sunflowervibes8 OP July 16th
.

thank you for your response. ❤️ It sounds very familiar and I beleive you are right. Look what i found on the internet. I am a milennial, how about you?

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