Friendh
Hello, I'm new here and just want to vent and seek some advice because I feel a bit lost. I find it easy to make friendships, but I struggle to maintain them. I genuinely try my best to show my interests and my extroverted side, but many people perceive me as "weird," "embarrassing," or even "sarcastic." I have a sarcastic sense of humor, but I truly don’t mean any harm and never make fun of anyone’s height, weight, or traumas—it's just light-hearted teasing. Unfortunately, it often seems like people take it the wrong way. When I try to be quiet, I feel left out and ignored, and it seems like others don’t want to converse with me, which makes me feel boring and plain. I have a lot to say about my interests, which include watching documentaries, studying human behavior, and learning new hobbies like crocheting. Despite my efforts to connect with others, I constantly feel like I'm never enough—never funny enough, never relatable enough, and it frustrates me. I feel like I can't have genuine friendships and I have to always be the one who puts in the work and if I don't then the other person talk to me. Does anyone else feel this way? How we're u able to get out of this loop and how did u meet your new friends?
@elaboratelayal
In school, I had the same problem. I would either put so much effort in to be heard, only to get ignored, or I wouldn't put any effort in, and I would become a ghost. It is a lot easier said than done for most people, especially if you're in school, but the way I left my friend group was simply just walking away. One day, I decided to have lunch with someone else and I no longer hung out with that group. For a while, I had no friends. I've hade friends ignore me and leave me. When I met my current friends, I wasn't expecting it. It was my last year of high school and they were custodians there. I had been friends with the head custodian's wife for years, and she introduced us. All of my friends are my parents age, so i wasn't expecting to make friends. The best lesson I can say that I learned is you have to put in some effort, but at the end of the day, don't put all of your effort into a friendship that is one sided, find someone that will meet you'd in the middle.
What you said truly opened my eyes. A girl from my soon to be old friend group asked me last minute to watch a movie with them when they planned this out a while back (without me ofc). I am in my senior year rn, so I can deeply feel what you felt and I can confidently say you are very strong for powering through because this type of loneliness is not easy to deal with. A lot of people in my school are not open to making new friends and prefer to stick with their own groups , which added to my desperation and the people I tried to befriend ended up gossiping behind my back (I left them ofc). I will start working on my boundaries and self respect from here on, I don't want desperate love- I want real genuine friendships. I can do things in lunch time from reading my book to enjoying my meal and if I'm up to it I can convers with the people around me.
Thank you for sharing your experience ð©·ð©· I can now drop those bad people without feeling guilty. Just like u said I deserve to have people who will meet me in the middle ð«¶ð©·
@elaboratelayal
That does sound frustrating. So if I’m hearing you correctly, you feel misunderstood when trying to develop friendships, which in turn leaves you feeling like you’re not enough. I can relate, once out of school/university, I found developing friendships required a lot more effort and initiative on my behalf. Putting yourself out there can make the most confident person feel vulnerable. So good on you for trying and persevering. When I experience self doubt in this type of situation, I try to remind myself to stop wondering if I’m good enough for that person and start wondering if that person is good enough for me. You may find that helpful.
P.S: You sound like you would be a great fiend. Your people are out there, maybe they’re in Australia. As an Australian, I can tell you that sarcasm is our style of humour :)
@elaboratelayal
Hey there!
Thanks for sharing your struggles with maintaining friendships. I'm here to listen.
It takes courage to admit feeling misunderstood and 'not enough.' Your feelings are valid.
Your interests in documentaries, human behaviour, and crocheting are unique and valuable! Have you considered joining online forums or local groups related to these hobbies?
Remember:
1. Your worth isn't defined by others' opinions.
2. Self-reflection and growth are ongoing.
3. You deserve genuine connections.
You're taking the first step by acknowledging your challenges.
Keep moving forward!
Would you like to talk more about your feelings or explore ways to connect with like-minded individuals?
@elaboratelayal Hi ! It's funny I've been lately feeling really close to what you're describing. I'll watch my friends interacting with each other and I'll immediately think how genuine of a friendship they have, that it looks so natural and two-wayed between them ; and then I'll say to myself that it's a level of genuineness that I'll never reach and that other people feel that way about me too, so it's better to avoid me or to just go and converse with anyone else. I also am very sarcastic and always extremely afraid of making a bad joke because I feel like people always expect me to be the funny guy in any situation, so it builds pressure. (I don't know if you understand everything or if you can really relate, english isn't my first language I hope that it's not a barrier).
I think that we watch others too much, and paradoxically we also watch ourselves too much. It's never bad to be somewhat aware of us and to what happens around us, but I think that the best moments we live are those moments when it feels like a "flow" state, when you don't have that inner voice telling you that you're too this and too that, not enough of this and of that. Sometimes, that voice can even be there but you're so "in the moment" that it's that easy to just not listen to it.
And I know it's also easy to say "just don't worry" but I'm really convinced that it's that simple. Anxiety and/or stress makes you think that you have a mindreader level of intuition, as if people's thoughts about you were an open book, but in reality it's quite the opposite. When you're feeling anxious, your brain seeks for danger, the source of the problem, it feels attacked and because it's in reality attacked by itself and nothing else, it will start to identify the problem as coming from anywhere except from him.
Now don't get me wrong, it's tough to get over this, but identifying it is a very good start. Here's a shorter version : your brain creates scenarios and false reasonings when you feel anxious. Anxiety isn't a direct danger, it has no visual source, it's just thoughts, strong thoughts and feelings that seem way more real than they need to be.
Hope this helped, sorry for the quantity of text lol
@elaboratelayal I absolutely feel this way which makes it hard for me to make friends
@elaboratelayal
Hi, welcome to Cups! My name is H and I am part of the Community Team here to help new members like yourself learn the platform. To start you out, here's a basic guide on how 7 Cups works:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1M53Nm5-pbtxx2_jKfXYgYzo3NgXxjNfMwfzVSRC1rZg/
If you have any questions, do let me know. I'm happy to help!