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...sigh...

survivor4life831 December 21st, 2023

Today's been really bad for me.

I tell certain people over and over about what happened that day but some only see the facts instead of the truth and dramatic change to a person. I know what happened because I was there. I just have a hard time expressing it verbally to people. People think that since there was no evidence to be found in the rape kit that it never happened. Or that since I had this good odd feeling that I've never had before nor ever wanted makes it consented. People don't know how hurtful that is to a rape victim they would say that since you enjoyed it its not rape. I never chose to have any intercourse with the person who did this to me! I couldn't run away because he put my walker all to the other side of his room. How would I even walk over there to get it without falling? Even as if I fought instead of freezing...how would I escape? How would I even kick him off of me when I just started physical therapy? I would be overpowered by him and he knew it!

...so is it wrong that I want to shut down and never come out?

3
WorkingitThrough2 December 21st, 2023

@survivor4life831

Hi, Survivor: I am so very sorry that you were SA. I understand what you mean by people's reasoning or rationalization of things can be very distorted. I hear you, and I validate your truth; I have experienced the same kind of reaction from people. What is worse is when your family does this to you. Double whammy. When we are in a situation like that, and we see no rational way out, the body kicks into this Freez mode, and we are unable to do anything but submit. I am sorry to say that some people who have not experienced this fail to see rape for what it is and make light of it. Sometimes, I feel that people do this as a means of being in denial.  

I see that the rape kit came back with no results of this, but I bet I know why. He knew that is why it was done. I am sorry, and I wish I could turn all this around for you. Getting professional help, if you can, would be ideal. Everyone can not afford or have access to a Therapist depending on where you are.  Please stay safe and you can keep coming here for Support❤️

2 replies
survivor4life831 OP December 21st, 2023

@WorkingitThrough2

Thank you. I'm currently getting help but it's just one of those days. There are so many question I want answered, but I guess I'll never know the answer.😮‍💨

1 reply
WorkingitThrough2 December 22nd, 2023

@survivor4life831

I do hope that you find your answers❤️

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