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survivor4life831
922 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts15 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceDecember 18, 2023
Recent forum posts
I'm all over the place...
Anxiety Support / by survivor4life831
Last post
 April 14th
...See more Hey guys, sorry for not being here for awhile. I've been just super busy at this time. I do need some help....however I just don't exactly know what to do at this moment. Hopefulily I'll know what to do soon... My most recent assault was on October of last year. Unfortunately he will never get in trouble and he'll never go to jail because...well you know, but that's what it is apparently in this world. He's free to do anything he wants. Question isn't about that, just giving a little background on what's going on. I had a freak accident in a hospital a month before and had to use a walker to get around. I was in a walker when...anyway, after awhile I graduated a cane. It's a good thing because I would be able to fight back if he comes by again. I should be safe from him now on. Nothing to worry about, right? Unfortunately I had stomach surgery from a bowel obstruction on January 9th of this year. It was then I returned to a walker to help with my recovery to move around. I admit it was really painful to move around even though I had to use the stairs as well. But I was determined to not be defeated by my limitations. I wanted to be as normal as possible. Even more unfortunate news is that three days after I came home from the hospital, he came by. Now mind you the detective told him to not be around me because he knew that it was going to trigger me so, so much, but did he listen? Apparently not. I freaked out because I couldn't fight back nor even run. I was still in alot of pain (that I ignored when climbing stairs which might have been my downfall to go back to the hospital a week later from infections.) and that kinda prevented me to think clearly at first until he apologized and said 'at least I'm man enough'. I was panicking. I obviously needed to call the police because he shouldn't be around me...but they couldn't do anything about it which stinks. Eventually I came back when he follows me up the stairs and enters my residence. He knows he shouldn't go in, but again this wasn't reported. By then I was suicidal, self harming daily, and just feeling hopeless and lost as to what to do. After going to the hospital (Which ironically I had to do anyways because I had the two infections from the surgery on my stomach) I volunteered myself to be in a psych hospital. I knew I wasn't safe. I knew if I went out I'll do something I would regret. Now I'm on a anti anxiety pill that I need to take if I go outside because I'm afraid of seeing him again. Okay, my problem is about my mobility. After graduating to a cane (again) I was on it until I recently am able to walk by myself again, but I feel safe into having a cane in case of self defense if he touches me again. I know it's not fair to (I guess fake) a mobility problem, but I'm scared of what he might do. I saw him again on March 21st at my therapist office and he had this... I can only describe it as a creepy, creepy unnatural smile, like he knows he's torturing me with his presence and I can't do anything about it... I don't know what to do and it's making me really anxious.
...sigh...
Trauma Support / by survivor4life831
Last post
 December 22nd, 2023
...See more Today's been really bad for me. I tell certain people over and over about what happened that day but some only see the facts instead of the truth and dramatic change to a person. I know what happened because I was there. I just have a hard time expressing it verbally to people. People think that since there was no evidence to be found in the rape kit that it never happened. Or that since I had this good odd feeling that I've never had before nor ever wanted makes it consented. People don't know how hurtful that is to a rape victim they would say that since you enjoyed it its not rape. I never chose to have any intercourse with the person who did this to me! I couldn't run away because he put my walker all to the other side of his room. How would I even walk over there to get it without falling? Even as if I fought instead of freezing...how would I escape? How would I even kick him off of me when I just started physical therapy? I would be overpowered by him and he knew it! ...so is it wrong that I want to shut down and never come out?
My odd self
Journals & Diaries / by survivor4life831
Last post
 December 23rd, 2023
...See more Hi, I'm new here and I was looking around on this site. I then found this thread and knew I should try it out because I found out that I can communicate far better typing then anything. You may see poems, or entries, or even rants that I cannot express verbally but will after writing it down. I believe that this will be beneficial for me to "talk" about myself. I may be odd, but it's who I am. (Hopefully I'm doing this right)
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