Wanting to face someone from your past **TW**
Ive been on 7 cups for about a year and I'm m feeling very conflicted about someone from my past.
**Trigger Warning**
When I was 21 my now ex step dad got me drunk and tried to rape me. He sexually assualted me literally right behind my moms back, but I was able to stop him when he tried to take things further. Im 25 now and there are a lot of times when I just want to see him and ask him if he even remembers that night. He was drinking too, but he was definitely in control, but I was absolutely not. I'm grateful I had enough clarity to realize what was happening. He thinks I blacked out because I told them the next morning I didnt remember anything from the night before besides being sick. This wasn't the first time I've experienced SA (not from him) so I did what Ive always done and shut it out and went on pretending like it never happened. But now I want to confront him so bad just to see if he even remembers. Does anyone else get this feeling?
It doesn't help either that after they split up he became very threatening to me last year (he was abusive to my mom) and played alot of stupid mind games like putting my contact info on job applications and taking old paper work of mine and putting his info down on it. I am legitimately worried that if I were to see him that something would happen, like a physical fight, but at the same time I want to see him. Its like I want to get it over with and see him to know if something would actually happen so I dont have to always be on alert when I go back to my home town. Its like that feeling when an older sibling tells you "Just Wait" and your stuck worried all day about what they'll do so you just want to get it over with.
Does anyone else ever get these feelings where want to confront someone although you're worried you may get hurt?