Wanting to face someone from your past **TW**
Ive been on 7 cups for about a year and I'm m feeling very conflicted about someone from my past.
**Trigger Warning**
When I was 21 my now ex step dad got me drunk and tried to rape me. He sexually assualted me literally right behind my moms back, but I was able to stop him when he tried to take things further. Im 25 now and there are a lot of times when I just want to see him and ask him if he even remembers that night. He was drinking too, but he was definitely in control, but I was absolutely not. I'm grateful I had enough clarity to realize what was happening. He thinks I blacked out because I told them the next morning I didnt remember anything from the night before besides being sick. This wasn't the first time I've experienced SA (not from him) so I did what Ive always done and shut it out and went on pretending like it never happened. But now I want to confront him so bad just to see if he even remembers. Does anyone else get this feeling?
It doesn't help either that after they split up he became very threatening to me last year (he was abusive to my mom) and played alot of stupid mind games like putting my contact info on job applications and taking old paper work of mine and putting his info down on it. I am legitimately worried that if I were to see him that something would happen, like a physical fight, but at the same time I want to see him. Its like I want to get it over with and see him to know if something would actually happen so I dont have to always be on alert when I go back to my home town. Its like that feeling when an older sibling tells you "Just Wait" and your stuck worried all day about what they'll do so you just want to get it over with.
Does anyone else ever get these feelings where want to confront someone although you're worried you may get hurt?
@TheRealAlice96
As an SA survivor, I have had the thought about confronting the ones who assaulted me. I gave it a lot of consideration along my healing journey, but I chose not to confront them.
I chose not to because I saw no benefit in it for my healing journey. I asked myself what it was I was looking for in a confrontation...what would they be able to give me in the way of a positive exchange that would help me heal. I also asked myself if it would be more of a setback in my progress to confront them and not get what I thought I needed.
It really comes down to how important the answers are that you're looking to get from him, and the impact on you if you don't get them. We all have to make that choice for ourselves, and there is no right or wrong choice to make. Just try to weigh it out and see where the value in the decision lies. What worked for me on my path may not be the same thing that works for someone else's path.
No matter what you choose, I wish you the best possible outcome. If you need, or want to chat, please drop me a message.