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TheRealAlice96
1 1,433 M Little Steps 5
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts76 Forum posts72 Forum upvotes92 Current upvotes92 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceNovember 25, 2020
Recent forum posts
Strange Feelings About Reality Lately
Anxiety Support / by TheRealAlice96
Last post
 May 11th, 2022
...See more For the past 3 or 4 months I have been having the weirdest thoughts and feelings that I have never experienced before. Sometimes it lasts only a moment and sometimes for a couple of seconds but usually not longer than or the intensity lessens if it goes on longer. Its like I suddenly don't think that my reality is real and that I'm either dreaming or have been in like a coma and this isn't my life. It feels so intense and terrifying for a few moments and then it goes away. Ot uses to only happen randomly every once in a while but now this happens a few times a day and I have no clue what causes it. It's like my brain feels like I am not me, for example a couple times there has been a moment where I would close my eyes and then I was convinced that I was actually a soldier trapped in the jungle and if I opened my eyes thats what I was going to see was the junge. Or I've felt like I was actually a late 30s aged mom who lived in a suburb who looked nothing like me. Its like watching a movie about other people but I am those people. Anyone have any advice on this or why this would just randomly start happening?
Feeling down about myself
Depression Support / by TheRealAlice96
Last post
 March 24th, 2022
...See more I've never been to a doctor to be diagnosed with depression, but I'm not sure what other category this specific feeling would best land in. I have always been a very confident person and never doubted myself, but the past 2 or 3 years I have felt all sorts of things but more noticeably I have felt like an absolute disappointment most days. I don't know why, I graduated with a good degree, I have a good job where people value my work and input, I have a nice home, I'm married to a loving husband with an aweome step daughter, and I am the primary provider for my family while my husband works part time to complete school. But I still feel like I let everyone, school, work, home down all the time and that I am just the best of a bad situation for everyone. I don't feel like my old confident self and it's been absolutely draining.
Wanting to face someone from your past **TW**
Trauma Support / by TheRealAlice96
Last post
 January 19th, 2022
...See more Ive been on 7 cups for about a year and I'm m feeling very conflicted about someone from my past. **Trigger Warning** When I was 21 my now ex step dad got me drunk and tried to rape me. He sexually assualted me literally right behind my moms back, but I was able to stop him when he tried to take things further. Im 25 now and there are a lot of times when I just want to see him and ask him if he even remembers that night. He was drinking too, but he was definitely in control, but I was absolutely not. I'm grateful I had enough clarity to realize what was happening. He thinks I blacked out because I told them the next morning I didnt remember anything from the night before besides being sick. This wasn't the first time I've experienced SA (not from him) so I did what Ive always done and shut it out and went on pretending like it never happened. But now I want to confront him so bad just to see if he even remembers. Does anyone else get this feeling? It doesn't help either that after they split up he became very threatening to me last year (he was abusive to my mom) and played alot of stupid mind games like putting my contact info on job applications and taking old paper work of mine and putting his info down on it. I am legitimately worried that if I were to see him that something would happen, like a physical fight, but at the same time I want to see him. Its like I want to get it over with and see him to know if something would actually happen so I dont have to always be on alert when I go back to my home town. Its like that feeling when an older sibling tells you "Just Wait" and your stuck worried all day about what they'll do so you just want to get it over with. Does anyone else ever get these feelings where want to confront someone although you're worried you may get hurt?
Feeling Seen but also Invisible
Trauma Support / by TheRealAlice96
Last post
 July 1st, 2021
...See more **Sorry, long rant, just needed to get it out** Here lately Ive been really struggling with a lot of issues coming from my moms abusive marriage. I didn't live with them, and they got together right after (reason they divorced) my parents divorced when I was 19 so I was out of the house and living on my own 3 hours away. They were together for 6 years and while the first year maybe two were ok the last were extremely abusive to where I just waited for a phone call each morning about if she had run away to so and so's house or worse. I was never there when anything happened but always in the aftermath to pick her, bring her to my house, or whatever she needed. While my step dad never hit me he did try to rape me one night, feeding me alcohol (this is when I trusted him and saw him as family) while at a family party and then be began kissing me and rubbing on my vagina and boobs. I've been sexually assaulted on several other occasions when I was younger so I knew where that old song and dance lead and I was able to somehow come out of the haze of alcohol and stop it, but I think he thinks I blacked out after he left. He's also been emotionally manipulative pretending to be my mom and texting me saying awful things and taking forms with my personal information and trying to change it and say its his, and threatning my brothers and I, which thankfulky the threatening has stopped in the past month or two. The abuse towards me never really really affected me, I did what I did in other situations and just acted like it didn't happen. However its not until now that they are separated (since october) that I am feeling actual physical anxiety and I'm not sure why. I know she's away and safe from him but things will trigger me into feeling like she's in danger. I go to the gym and a medicine ball hitting the floor will stop me in my tracks for a moment even though Ive never heard him hit her and an extremely specific thing is anything about the Johnny Depp Amber Heard case. I went into this just kind of crazy obsessed panic for 2 months and I absorbed everything around that case. Now just seeing either of their pictures puts me on edge. Everything with them and my family is so public in my very very small home town, especially because my mom is white and he is black. Im not racist just trying to explain that when your from a backwoods ass small town people think its the end of the world when races mix, it's absolutely ridiculous. So anyway, everyone knows what he's done to my mom for the most part because of jail reportings and word of mouth, but nobody knows what he's done to me or anything else I've gone through prior. So when I feel just really down somedays and don't want to do anything and just feel sad and scared I know they can't understand why and I hate that people assume that his effect on my mom is the only thing thats effecting me when thats just a small piece of the puzzle. Its just frustrating, because I absolutely dont want to tell anyone. I've told my husband parts of each things thats happened over my life but I have never told him the names of anyone especially not my step dad because he would do something stupid. He's the only one who knows that things go a little deeper than just my moms abusive relationship. I constantly just feel like my husbands family (who we spend most of our time with) just looks past any issues I have, which in their defense I do try to hide it and I think I do pretty well, but other family members they are completely understanding about and don't assume anything and infact make excuses for. Its like I cant have a bad without them needing some kind of complete explanation or else I dont deserve to have a bad day because Suzie is working 3 jobs or Molly is a stay at home mom and stressed. Those are all absolutely valid reasons for people to have mental health issues but them not know my reason is not a reason to cast my struggles to the side. Its just frustrating and tiring and im trying not to get caught in my head again because I've been doing really good, but it almost feels like a cracking dam in my chest and the waves are chipping away at it everyday until i get to where I'm completely obssessive again.
Feeling off again
Trauma Support / by TheRealAlice96
Last post
 July 3rd, 2021
...See more I haven't been on 7 cups for months. I feel like ive been doing great. I started going to the gym and that has tremendously helped my mental health. I felt this just craziness that I had never felt before and haven't had since. However the thing that I believe triggered that 2 month long episode of craziness just came up again out of the blue and the second I saw it I could feel my body being physically impacted in that instant. Im really nervous, I already can feel that I am thinking faster and am feeling on edge and I really do not want to get like I was a few months ago. I'm hoping getting back in the gym and work on Monday will distract me and make me forget I saw it.
Today is just a bad day
Depression Support / by TheRealAlice96
Last post
 March 4th, 2021
...See more I feel so bad today, amd Ive been feeling so much worse than I have in a little while. Its getting so hard to get out of bed that I show up hours late to work. Every morning I just lay there with my breath held and wait for a phone call with the next bad news to be given. This morning I found one of my pets dead and I have no idea what happened. I've only had him for about 5 days but I finally had something that I could come home to at the end of the day that loved to snuggle with me and wanted attention and could just take my mind off of everything going on. I normally hate to show off any kind of emotion in front of anyone, but today I told my husband that I cried when he asked me about it and I couldn't hide the sad face from him. I never want to show anyone that side of myself and hate that its there. I just don't want to have anything to do with anything important to me anymore, I just want to exist alone and go through the motions.
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