TW- topics of grooming, sh, and bullying

Life has been problematic since middle school starting with the bully it was mostly verbal but could get physical when I was younger I got laughed at pushed hit on the back and stuff thrown at me after covid started it lightened up it happened less but right at the end of 7th grade everything went downhill I started getting called a racist and rumors that I said racist stuff when I didn't and that made me lose a lot of friends I had always gone to the internet for friends and support. It was like a new life that I could control... So I went there for help I found it I found great friends but I snapped and started cutting so I was sent to a residential it didn't help but soon I found my exs Lad and Liz they made me happy but every good thing must come to a end right? Lad manipulated me into sending n*des multiple times and after that nothing was the same i was hyper sexual in relationships but I was always scared that they would be like lad so I left all of the ones I had but that wasn't the first time in the span of 4 months I was groomed and harrased by multiple men so that made me hate the boys in my friend group and that's where i lost everyone i loved in real life but i still have my online dad and papa i meet then two years ago so i trust them but everything not the same... i just want my life back my happiness my innocents.. why did it have to be taken