TW: Im a sexual abuse survivor.
The first time I was raped was by my step cousin. I was 5 and she was 8. She forced me to do horrible things that still scar me to this day. I had no choice and was totally forced. But although she did this to me I dont blame her as she was a victim herself and was most likely acting in reaction to her own sexual abuse.
The second time I was raped was by my own father. I was around the age 6 or 7 and it happened so fast. I dont remeber barely any of it except the pure emotional and physical pain that I felt. It still amazes me that my father did that to me and went on acting like nothing happened, acting like a perfect father.
The third time I was raped, I was around the age 8 or 9, maybe even 10. I was in my fathers bedroom with him and it happened. Just like the first time he did it to me I dont remeber much except the physical and emotional pain.
The fourth time I was aroun 12 or 13. I was home alone again with my dad and he did it to me. It happened super fast but since I was older I remeber more about this time. More images. I remeber what he was wearing, the blanket I was sleeping with. But above everything was the pure mistrust and pain.
I forgot all these events until I was around 15 due to dissociative amnesia, a coping mechonism the mind uses when memories are far to painful. These memories eventually got triggered and slowly I started to remeber them all. Im still in the process of remebering these memories and will probably remember more in the future. I just needed to write this all out as my own form of therapy.
@ghosttiger100
Hello! Thank you for sharing your story. I am so, so very sorry that you've had to experience these horrific events. But I am very happy with your title, that you wrote "survivor" rather than "victim". That shows a lot about you and your strength and is most definitely the correct term. You have clearly been through a lot, and I could imagine the distress as the memories of these events are uncovered. I do wish you the best of luck in your healing journey. And remember to apply your healthy coping mechanisms whenever things get too tough. You've got this! Much love to you from our whole system :)
@ghosttiger100
I am so glad that you were able to share your truth. I am also glad that you found your way to 7cups of Tea. Here you will find much support and many friends. I resonate with your story all to well as I too was a product of incest and multiple rapes. which began when I was 4 years old. We are here on this journey to heal together as all of us walk together to the victory line. It is not an easy nor quick fix path but rather a steady one that takes time. Be gentle with yourself as you travel this road, knowing you are never alone. I stand with an out stretched hand to walk with you as will so many others here.
