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(I apologize in advance for how unwell this was put together)
Hello there, welcome to whatever this turns out to be. Hopefully something informative for you. We are a DID system and finding a listener is very difficult, as I'm sure this community understands. Most listeners don't know what it is, so we either spend the 20 additional minutes explaining the disorder and answering their questions so they can have a basic understanding and support us before even hearing what our issue is, or they just say they don't know what it is and request we find another listener.
Personally, we enjoy answering questions about DID because so few people have any understanding of it and in order for them to better understand and help systems, they'll need to have their questions answered. So we are fine to answer questions as long as they are appropriate and respectful. It's just a real inconvenience when you have to explain it all to a listener when you are needing support in the moment. If that makes sense?
Way too commonly are we getting rude and/or invalidating questions or responses. Listeners and members alike hear me now: Please, please stop saying these things to those with DID or OSDD:
The classic "DID/OSDD isn't real."
Stop. Just stop. Saying that it's not real is the same as saying depression isn't real, OCD isn't real, anxiety isn't real, or BPD isn't real, etc. All of these are valid disorders. There is negative stigma surrounding all of them but they all exist and people struggle with them every day. It literally has the word "Disorder" in the name. Please people, educate yourselves. Saying this disorder isn't real is extremely invalidating to all of the suffering and trauma endured that caused the disorder in the first place.
DID and OSDD are created from very severe and repeated trauma at a very young age that prevented the child's mind from fully integrating into one singular identity, as everyone else's would, resulting in several identities in a single body. Systems have been through more than you could imagine and they didn't reach out for you only to invalidate their struggles. These disorders are real, end of story.
"Which one is the real one?"
All too common. Every alter in a system is equal to one another. There is no one alter that is any more valid or "real" than the others. Asking who the "real one" is, is suggesting that the other alters are not real people. We are. Everyone is equal, valid, and important.
If you want to get technical, who is to say who the 'real one's is anyway? All children start out with several different ego states (I want love, I'm hungry, I'm sleepy, I have to go to the bathroom, etc) that eventually integrate into one singular identity around the age of 7-9 years old. Every child starts out this way and goes through this normal developmental process. In DID and OSDD, however, the severe trauma endured by the child causes the brain to set up amnesiac barriers to separate the child from the trauma because those things are too horrible for the child to process in the moment and they don't have a safe environment to do so, so amnesia walls are created.
When it comes time for the integration process, those amnesia walls prevent the integration resulting in several fully formed identities in one body rather than a singular identity. These identities are mostly commonly called "alters", and those amnesiac barriers are what is in between alters which is why when one alter is fronting, which means in control of the body, the others don't remember what happened while that alter was out. So technically, is there really even an "original identity"? Contrary to what many seem to think, there was no single identity to split off from or add onto in the first place, they all just never integrated. Make sense? Regardless, don't ask who the "real" or "original" is.
"I don't want to talk to your alters, just you."
This tied in with the previous one. Alters are not add ons to a person. They are not extra. All members of a system are alters, all of them. Think of it like this: If you drop a glass bowl and it shatters into pieces, which piece is the real bowl? They all are. They are all real pieces of the bowl. Out of all the shattered pieces which piece is the original? You can't tell. All of those peices are still pieces of the same bowl, separated from the same break. No matter who you talk to in a system, you are talking to an alter. Not wanting to talk to the others in a system is invalidating to their existence. Be considerate because we have feelings. We are people too.
"Oh yeah I know what DID/OSDD is, I've seen Split."
For those who don't know, Split is a movie. In said movie, there is a man who has DID. Yes, some of the things in the movie are true such as the parts about DID being caused from early childhood trauma and parts about child alters, for example. But that movie created a lot of the harmful stigma out there today. In the movie, the character with DID goes on to commit horrific violent acts. DID should not be compared to the movie Split. Systems are not dangerous.
We do not do such horrible things. There were a few things the movie got correct, I'll give it that, but overall it was way too harmful to the community, was the source of much stigma, and is in general not a good reference to mention when asked if you know what the disorder is. You've seen Split? Congratulations. But that is a Hollywood movie's dramatic portrayal to make the movie interesting. Systems are not dangerous. Don't compare us to Split.
"It sounds pretend/made up."
Systems already have such a hard time coping with their disorder and coming to terms with the fact that they really do have it. Saying things like that does not help at all. I understand, some of it sounds a bit hard to believe and the disorder itself is very tricky to understand but this is how the brain works. We didn't ask for the disorder, we are just who has to deal with it. Once you take the time to sit down and learn about it a little bit, it is much easier to believe and understand than the assumptions you have based on the few things you know about it.
"Can I talk to another alter instead?"
This is just straight up rude. Why don't you want to talk to me? Why do you prefer talking to someone else even though I am trying to enjoy my time in the body and we already have conversation going? Please don't ask for a system to switch. It is inconsiderate of the alter currently fronting's feelings and in general is not your place to limit someone else's time in the body or make them feel unwanted. It may not be safe for them to switch in that moment, either.
"Wow, DID/OSDD sounds so fun and cool! I wish I had it."
It is honestly so sad yet so infuriating to hear this, and so often too. DID is not at all fun. It is a disorder derived from horrible, horrible things happen as a very young child that has so many awful symptoms that make it incredibly difficult to function day to day. It is not an admirable disorder.
It is not like alters are all best friends that dance in a circle, hold hands, and sing kumbaya while feasting on gummy worms. No. It is most definitely not having friends in your head. Sometimes yes, alters are close with one another and get along great! Other times they hate each other and purposefully do things to harm the system. High degree dissociation, time gaps, memory loss, rapid switching, so many things that are so difficult to deal with.
Yes, DID and OSDD are interesting disorders in the sense that the brain works in amazing ways and it is incredible what it is capable of. But that is it. Saying you wish you had it is invalidating to the terrible things that happened for us to be a system in the first place and invalidates the daily struggles we have. Be careful with your choice of words and the context with which you use them. You learn in kindergarten to "think before you speak", so please do so.
There are many more things we come across like this, but these are the main ones. In summary, systems are people too and we have feelings. Be kind and respectful and do some research before you start making assumptions. Maybe you can keep this in mind next time you speak with a system. I hope you've learned a little something or see things from a new perspective.
(There are several of us trying to coordinate to write this at the moment so it's kind of all over the place and the tone isn't consistent but I hope you can navigate it. I'm really sorry, we tried.)
- Natilie, Jesin, Taylor, Felicity, Mec, and Joseph
@knockoffWolf @hopeoverfear @ItsMeStorm @LiaMarie2007 @CateGrace @JennyINFP @goldenFriend9335 @AlwaysEli
