Someone opened up to me. I listened. I believed. I didn't blame. What else should I know?
Hi! A friend of mine opened up to me about being sexually abused as a child. He hasn't told anybody. He hasn't told anyone for over 30 years. After he opened up to me, the next day he told me he still felt numb from opening up. I am very worried about him and I would like to ask anybody who has any advice for me on what to do and what not to do, what to say and what not to say, please give me your advice. Like should I pretend he never told me? Should I never mention it unless he mentions it first? He has hurt enough, I don't need to hurt him more. But it's hard for me to know that I can't do anything, so the least I can do is not make things worse. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
@scarletCar296
What a wonderful friend you must be for him to share such a huge thing with you. Breaking the silence following abuse can be incredibly difficult, so Im not surprised hes said he feels numb having finally shared his story, or at least part of it, with you.
You say you cant do anything, but you did something huge. You listened to him, you heard him, and you obviously care for him deeply to have come looking for advice on how to support him further.
Everyone is different, so I cant give you any definitive advice on how to support him with this. But I do feel, now hes finally lifted the lid on whats happened, he should understand its fine for him to talk about it. He may not want to, but I think if you can just make it clear to him youre there to listen if he ever wants to talk about it, then at least he knows he has that outlet. The shame of abuse is so toxic, and can keep people silent for so long, but it really isnt his shame to hang on to. I heard early on in my own healing that the things we least want to talk about are often the things we most need to share.
I also wonder if he may benefit from being signposted to organisations that can help him. In the UK there are a number of agencies and charities that offer support to people who have been abused, even when that abuse is historic. Hopefully a quick google search may highlight similar help in your part of the world.
And finally, please take good care of yourself. Its horrible to hear of anyone being hurt, but when its a good friend it hits home even harder. Always remember the person who should feel bad for your friends situation is the person who abused him. Not him, not you, so please try not to internalise his pain as yours.
@scarletCar296 Following up to see how your friend is doing. Also, please remember to take care of yourself too. 
@Kate That's so nice of you! He's doing better from what I can tell. And I'm taking care of myself too, yes. Thanks for checking in!
@scarletCar296 - That's really great to hear! I'm glad that both of you are doing well and am proud of you for helping your friend but also being mindful to take care of yourself
